User:LuXerra/Mwam

'THIS IS AN ARCHIVE, NOT AN ACTUAL PAGE. IT IS NOT PART OF THE CPFW CONTINUITY, AND AS SO, SHALL NOT BE MENTIONED IN ANY WAY ON OTHER ARTICLES. It has also been considered offensive to some people, and if you are offended easily or a Muslim, do not proceed and please look at something else.'

Please note that this article does not fit in with the rest of the community, and does not exist within the fan universe.


 * The founder of Mwam is often addressed as "The Founder". For the CPFW's founder, see Our Founder.

منظمة الذي يحدد ويحكم النحل خليج, literally translating to The Organization that Defines and Governs Bay Bees, and commonly referred to by most penguins as Mwam, is the rigid governing structure that defines what is, what isn't, and how to be a proper Mwa Mwa Penguin.

Excluding Club Penguin's world famous Pet Shop, most Mwa Mwa adoption agencies are governed by or in cooperation with Mwam, and many Mwa Mwa sympathizers are card-carrying members. A Mwa Mwa orphanage under control of Mwam is officially called a Mwasque, and one operating in cooperation with Mwam is a Daralytam (DARE-ULL-YAH-TAM, from "Dār al-ʼYtām/دار الأيتام", Mwam Scrawl for "orphanage").

Background
Mwa Mwa Penguins date back at least to the 1960s. Penguins decided to experiment with the traditional social order, and many of them chose a return to the innocence of youth as part of their cultural revolution. Of course, this happened sparsely; South Pole City saw its first "bay bees" in the 1970s, Pengolia in the 2010s, and CP in the 1990s.

Either way, the Mwa Mwa movement was heavilly persecuted from day one, and for very obvious reasons. The mental instability found in most Mwa Mwas led to the universal adoption of the phenonomon as a mental disease, and not a movement. Simply put, the creatures were mentally deranged fools, and not penguins experimenting with their lives. The powers that be happily turned a blind eye to vilgantes that nabbed Mwa Mwas and scared them at home, provided they weren't physically hurt... much. Of course, scaring them until they curl up into a ball and cry isn't illegal.

However, not everyone believed this way. Some were sympathetic towards Mwa Mwa Penguins and sought out to help them, to "adopt" them, and to give them a good home.

On the forefront of the sympathetic penguins was the penguin now revered as The Founder Mwa Mee. Mwa Mee was a Terrastanian penguin with a big heart, a big smile, and an even bigger beard. He always dressed in robes and cheap cloth, so he could devote his money to adopting scores of Mwa Mwas. He moved to the mainland from UnitedTerra about thirty years before.

In 1971, Mwa Mee took a day off from his adventures and went on vacation to the caves of Trans-Antarctica. The miners there had long practiced a game called "Cart Surfing", and Mwa Mee wanted a taste of that action. At the age of forty, he didn't want to wait any longer.

Entering the caves, he got lost, only to be visited by a strange being. In a large cavern, a "bright light" appeared before him, and explained that he was the Chosen One, destined to help the Mwa Mwas of all time by organizing them into groups to protect themselves from their abundant persecutors. The light told him to come back each day for instructions, and to write them down. He was scared, but he did just that. He chose to write it down in his native tounge, instead of English. He went home to his wife, who was a known 4th wall breaker and told him that the light must have been from the BoF. While Mwa Mee didn't know about this, he trusted his wife, and went on with it. Mwa Mee soon compiled an entire book of instructions from the light, and he did this for a long time after. When he wasn't writing what the light told him, he was busy doing the whole adoption thing. After many appearences before the penguin, the light eventually told Mwa Mee that it was time to compile and publish what he had told him. Mwa Mee eagerly thanked the light and ran out.

Mwa Mee quickly shared what the light had told him with the nearby miners. They were never that big a fan of him, what with his accent and his beard and his dress, but this took the cake. He was laughed at by most of the miners, and even other villagers nearby, but he refused to stop preaching his new organization. He, after all, WAS the Chosen One!

Eventually, the miners and townfolk got tired of him. Mwa Mee was apprehended and driven out of town. They didn't bother to burn his book, nor do anything to him. They just wanted him gone. The Founder complied and left.

He was laughed at for thinking he was the Chosen One, but the first believers were his wife, Kuhjibooty, his chicks Allybooty and Zed, and his best friend, Abubooty. They followed him, too, and tried to set up the organization with him. The family headed out of Trans-Antarctica and into what was to one day be Eastshield (then the Ice Kingdom, OA).

By this time (1980s), Olde Antarctica was waning, and technology was beggining to usurp the rule of many kings. Mwa Mee, ever seeking to protect Mwa Mwas, began a long pilgrimage to South Pole Summit- a citadel where all four monarchs met to discuss matters of state, and later the seat of government for the USA -to convince them to enact Mwa Mwa protection statutes to prevent the abundant abuse and frightening done on Mwa Mwas every day. It saddened the Founder's heart to see people torment bay bees so much.

Mwa Mee decided that, before he went to the Summit, he would travel across Antarctica and help recruit like-minded penguins to shelter and care for Mwa Mwa Penguins, and to obey the teachings of the Book that he wrote down from the light's wisdom. He succeeded in recruiting several penguins, who then set out to build orphanages according to the specifications by the light, which involved a lot of spices, silk, incenses, archways, towers, mats, and robes.

These were called "Mwasques", and within the ten years that Mwa Mee wondered around Antarctica, he founded at least sixty of these buildings, and managed to appoint leaders to each one.

In November 1990, Mwa Mee decided to finally head to South Pole Summit, only to discover that time had outmoded his quest. The kingdoms he knew had merged and moved off to King George's Island. The capital was open to the Masses, and South Pole Citidel was born... -but he didn't know that. Mwa Mee finally entered the gates of the Citidel in January 1991, where he proclaimed his organization and reached his flippers out to any Mwa Mwa Penguins. This really angered the Mwa Mwa hating populace, and they began to persecute Mwa Mee, his family, and his followers. The belligerent citizenry drove him out, but they soon started fighting with each other on a major zoning dispute after he left. Mwa Mee offered his expertise in using land (having built many of Mwasques in good standing) to them, and they were more than welcome to hear his say, even though they had expelled him prior.

Mwa Mee soon proved to be an excellent arbitrator, and he was praised for it. The people were even willing to overlook his Mwa Mwa fanaticism, offering him a lifetime seat on the city's zoning board if he would stop defending bay bees. Mwa Mee flatly refused, but decided to keep helping them in their disputes, provided that he could erect an adoption center (a Mwasque) in the city. They consented, although they told him not to get too fancy.

Time passed, and Mwa Mee wandered to and fro from South Pole Citidel to other parts of Antarctica, establishing Mwasques in the reigon. He convinced many penguins to join him in helping the freaks of nature, and they carried his organization overseas by the mid-1990s.

Mwa Mee made his last claim to fame when he was up in West Bank City. He said that South Pole Citidal was an important and special place, and that it was teeming with Mwa Mwa Penguins that clamored for help. He said that the humble Mwasque there wasn't enough, and, hoping the city would be more tolerant, Mwa Mee set off back to the city after giving a farewell speech to his followers, who wrote it down for him. He and mny others waddled straight to the South Pole Citidal, now renamed to South Pole City, and spent several days there. Mwa Mee scouted out a site for a deluxe Mwasque- the largest yet to be built -and found an ideal spot on a hill to the west of the city, and out of its city limits. He got reluctant permission from the nearest colony, and built it. Sadly, Mwa Mee collapsed and died in the middle of construction, only a year or so before it was done, in 1999. Per his wishes, he wished to be entombed next to his prized building. His wish was granted, and the huge Mwasque was completed in January of 2001.

Now without a leader, the most elite followers- including large Mwasque operators, scholars, and family of the Founder -convened at that new Mwasque and debated on who to lead. Zed was now old enough, and so was the rest of Mwa Mee's chicks, and his wife, too.

Two penguins thought that they were the rightful successors as leaders of the Mwam orginization. Wammy (Mwa Mee's best friend) and Bay Bee (Mwa Mee's son) both saw themselves as the heirs. The election committee went into an uproar, with neither booty chosen. Half of the Mwams there sided with Wammy, the other half Bay Bee, straight down the middle.

The convention hall closed and the respective claimants to the Caliphate went home, angered at a narrow vote favoring Wammy. Only 40% of those present voted "yes" or "no", the others abstained. The election wasn't completely fair because not everyone voted, or so one faction claims.

Nonetheless, Wammy and his minions decided to head to Bay Bee's house and get him to swear allegiance to him as Caliph. They were confronted with forty of Allybooty's minions, who quickly disarmed Abubooty.

The two factions, the Mwommies and Waddies as they were called, split on the caliphate theory. Wammy's group were the Mwommies. They believed that since Mwa Mee did not name a successor, that they could be voted on, and that, by vote, Wammy was the caliph (and indeed, he did get more votes). The Waddies disagreed, saying that Mwa Mee always favored his son and had him give messages to Mwasques when he was away (and this is also true). It was a simple "DUH", to the Waddies, that Bay Bee would inherit the caliphate, and that, if Mwa Mee didn't die so suddenly, he would have named his successor, and that successor would be Bay Bee.

The factions went their separate ways, ignoring that Mwa Mee warned them that bay bees were too at risk to be hurt by warring sects. In the years that followed, the Mwommies overcame the Waddies, and now, most members of Mwam are of Mwommy sect.

Today, Mwam operates hundreds of Mwasques across the continent, providing Mwa Mwa Penguins with aid, shelter, and comfort.

Jobs and positions
As Mwa Mee made his way across Antarctica, he made sure to establish leaders of each Mwasque and hand copies of his book to everyone that followed him. He taught them his people's native toungue, which, for this article, will be called Terrastanian Scrawl (which is what he wrote his book in) and urged them to follow it to the letter. It was later translated to English for easier use.

In Mwasques
The penguin(s) charged with operating a Mwasque is called an I.M.A.M. (Instructor and Manager of Adoption at the Mwasque). IMAMs both oversee the staff and conduct the operations of the Mwasque, such as calling the bay bees in their custody inside for their nap, or for dismissing would-be adopters at the end of the day, or leading would-be adopters in the certification and adoption processes, as well as providing instrructions for caring for a Mwa Mwa Penguin.

Similar priests and bishops in Governance telenacles, IMAMs are also vested with the right to advise would-be-adopters at a weekly Friday training session. Mwa Mwa Penguins living in the Mwasques get this sort of instruction as well, but more often.

In Mwam Family Court
Mwam is Serious Business. Mwa Mwa Penguins adopted from a Mwasque can't simply be taken home. A would-be-adopter must go through all sorts of oaths and promises and contracts, and they agree to treat their Mwa Mwa Penguin "properly" and accordance with the writings of Mwa Mee. Mwam Family Courts both authorize the adoption and they enforce it.

The judges in a MFC are called a Q.A.D.I. (Quick And Dirty Interpreter). A Q.A.D.I.'s job is to certify the adoption process and administer the contracts. Mwam Family Courts do not have any jurisdiction in the USA, nor in UnitedTerra, or most other countries. They are solely designed to compile and bind contracts. The government can only enforce this contract.

It took years, but the South Pole Council finally made MFC contracts legally binding and enforcable by law in early 2010, in a vote where most Mwa Mwa haters were not present. They have no power otherwise; while Mwa Mee's book DOES tell what to do if MFCs were ever given control and became the actual justice system, no country has ever seen that happen... yet. Some Mwams would like to see that happen, and Snowzerland in particular has been considered a starting point because of their peoples' tolerance for Mwa Mwas.

Those foolish enough wishing to adopt a Mwa Mwa Penguin pick their bay bee, and go off to to the QADI for the administration of the contracts.

Mwam scholars
Then, there's the Mwam Scholars, or U.L.A.M.A. (United Lawyers and Attorneys of Mwam Adherence). There are several of these, but every one of them perform similar roles. Since Mwa Mee only wrote so much and commanded everyone to follow it, there are certain things that are unclear.

For example, Mwa Mwas are specifically forbidden to dress up as "dogs" in their Founder's book. (The light foresaw Petguins, it seems.) Yet, "dog" was not defined. Petguins didn't exist in Mwa Mee's time, and neither did Twiguins. So, when these freaks arose, the IMAMs were unsure if they were allowed to accept them under the codes of the book. They were a Mwa Mwa organization alone, and they didn't know if these newcomers fit in with that.

The ULAMAs debated over this for a long time, and eventually, the highest jurists and such ruled that Petguins are Mwa Mwas, due to their language and "innocence", and Twiguins are not, due to their use of English and dark (and creepy) rituals. As for the "dog" argument, they determined that a "puppy" was not a true dog, but rather a baby one (and thus legal), and that a "wolf" was a Twiguin, and as such ineligible for Mwam care.

Position breakdown

 * IMAM
 * The core of Mwam's business. These operate Mwasques and perform all the needed rituals and duties.


 * Mullah
 * An advanced IMAM, their only difference is that Mullahs dress fancier and normally administer large Mwasques. (However, an IMAM and a Mullah can, at any time, switch roles or lead bigger or smaller Mwasques. They are almost identical, and the titles are synonymous and a matter of the manager's taste.)


 * QADI
 * Charged with administering and enforcing Mwam contracts, oaths, and laws to those who wish to adopt Mwa Mwa Penguins. The judges of Mwam Family Courts.


 * Shiek
 * Distinguished by wearing towels on their heads, literally, Shieks are considered experts in Mwam law and doctrine, but do not actually wield power. Most creatures with positions of power in the business were, at one time, Shieks. Shieks have the right to manage a Mwasque in the absence of an IMAM.


 * Faqīh
 * Faqihs are low-ranked scholars. They are often seen assisting adopters and alongside QADIs, and serve as the equivalent of a lawyer if a Family Court needs it.


 * MUFTIs (Managarial Underling for the Fixing and Tweaking of Infrastructure)
 * The equivalent of Datacons in the Governance, MUFTIs fix up the Mwasque, help with the bay bees, sweep up the drool, ect. ect., they do tasks that keep the Mwasque running, while IMAMs oversee.
 * However, MUFTIs do have one special power. If thirteen or more MUFTIs gather in one building for the purpose of a meeting, they are called a "Muftiat". Muftitats can issue special decrees called "Fatwa", which are reccomendations and opinions of orders based on their interpretation of Mwa Mee's book. However, because they're pretty much written by a smart janitor, all Fatwa are non-binding and are exactly what one would think they are: reccomendations.
 * MUFTIs usually become IMAMs quickly and are usually Hafizes as well.

Stamps, honors, and titles
To encourage job satisfaction, Mwam can give titles to patrons for certain accomplishments. In accordance with CP's Stamp program, they have also created Stamps to give to the entitled.


 * Hadrah
 * A title of recognition given by a Muftitat. If more than twenty one Muftitats are present, they can grant the title of "Hadrah" to any creature for any reason. It is an immense honor to be a Hadrah.


 * Aknoob
 * It was originally called Akhoond, but after it was discovered that most Aknoobs forged their credentials (not being in any Mwam managerial level at all), the title fell out of use and began to become an insult. Aknoobs were once vested with administering a really large Mwasque (like a Megabishop in the Governance), but when the position became an insult, that went to the IMAMs, Shieks, and Mullahs.
 * This is a negative title and a very insulting slang term.


 * Muhaddith
 * Not a position, but a title. They are like a Hafiz, but they have not memorized everything just yet. Muhaddiths get Stampts based on how much they can memorize, and various milestones include a tenth, a fourth, a third, half, ect. ect. ect., until they are finally Hafizes.


 * Aknoob of the Month
 * (to be written)


 * Hafiz
 * Like Hajji, Hafiz isn't a real position, but a title. A Hafiz has successfully memorized Mwa Mee's entire book! They too get a free stamp and certificate!


 * Hajji
 * Not a real position, but rather, a title for any Mwam follower that has visited and spent a night in the Big Mwasque where Mwa Mee died. Mwa Mee's last request was to have people visit him and follow what he was told. Anyone who successfully performs this pilgramage gets a nice Stamp in their Stamp Book and a certificate of their new title in their player card!!

Doctrine and law
The Mwam codes are long and detailed. Most of the laws do not actually adhere to true Mwa Mwa Penguins, but rather, to the Mwam adherents that shelter and manage them. Actual bay bees have very few codes to live by in Mwam, while the managers are commanded on most everything.

Q.U.R.A.N. (Mwa Mee's Book)
Mwa Mee's Book is officially called the Q.U.R.A.N. (Quick and Understandable Reduction in Age Novel). In it are the outlines of every doctrine, teaching, definition, and command, both to Mwam staff and to Mwa Mwas themselves. The QURAN is the official book of Mwam, and IMAMs and others are expected to always have a copy in their inventory, and one or more on display in their Mwasque. The decorational one must be in Terrastanian Scrawl, while the others can be in any language.

The QURAN comes in two volumes. The first is what the light told Mwa Mee to write down, the second was written by assorted "narrators" about the life and times of Mwa Mee after he died.

Pilgramage
Every Mwasque staff member, every scholar, and everyone in Mwam that isn't a Mwa Mwa Penguin must honor the last wish of their Founder. They are to, at least once in their lifetime, head to the big Mwasque outside of South Pole City and pay their respects to him. Those who do get a Stamp and the title of Hajji.

Actual laws on Mwa Mwas themselves
Mwa Mwa Penguins, in comparison to Mwam staff, are subject to very few rules. Certain ones will be included below, but these are not all of them.


 * A Mwa Mwa Penguin only is only to speak in their (in)famous broken English language, or in Terrastanian Scrawl. Their choise.
 * A Mwa Mwa Penguin may only imitate a chick under the age of five.
 * Mwa Mwa Penguins that "grow up" during their charade must return to their bay bee state before entering back into a Mwasque and/or heading off to get another "wammy". A Mwa Mwa that does not change back after "growing up" within twenty four hours is considered "devoid" (cured) of their Mwa Mwa status, and is ineligible for any Mwam services. They are treated like normal penguins, even if they tardilly go back to their Mwa Mwa state.
 * Mwa Mwa Penguins wishing to stay in a Mwasque must first preen themselves and/or wash their flippers, and take at least five naps daily.
 * Mwa Mwa Penguins are to obey the Fwive Wules at all time.
 * Mwa Mwa Penguins can not leave an adopter/owner in October.

Definition of a Mwa Mwa Penguin
(to be written)

Fwive Wules
The Five Wules are defined as the five biggest rules for any self-respecting (no, really) Mwa Mwa Penguin. These are to be adhered to at all time.


 * ADMISSION (التخلي عن كل كرامة): the first one is assertment of who they are. Befoe they can use the services of a Mwasque, the new Mwa Mwa Penguin must openly admit that they are a Mwa Mwa Penguin at the top of a Mwasque. They only have to do this one time and it's good for life. Shouting first in Terrastanian Scrawl and second in the Mwa Mwa Slang Dialect the creature decrees that they are a Mwa Mwa Penguin and proud of it.
 * In Terrastanian Scrawl, that's: أنا مدبليوأ مدبليوأ البطريق وأنا فخورة!
 * Phonetically, that is pronounced ʼNā Mdblywʼ Mdblywʼ al-Bţryq Wʼnā Fkhwrh! (NEEDS EXPLORER)
 * In Mwa Mwa, that's: I MWA MWA PENGUIN AND I PWOUD!
 * In English, that's "I'M A MWA MWA PENGUIN, AND I'M PROUD!"


 * NAPPING (كثرة النوم): the second Wule is napping. Mwa Mwa Penguins under Mwasque care should nap five times a day to keep up their strength. Once at dawn, then noon, then in the afternoon, then at sunset (if the sun comes up, but if not, 8:01 PM Penguin Standard), and overnight. When they sleep, they should be facing east at all times.


 * GIVE YOUR ALL (مزعج): all Mwa Mwa Penguins must practice persistance, diligence, and stamina; they must never give up. This is the third Wule. It essentially means that a Mwa Mwa Penguin must never stop in finding a proper "wammy", "waddy", "sista", or whatever else it is they are seeking. They must keep going, at all costs, until they get adopted.


 * ABSTAIN FROM EVIL ITEMS (أكل الكعكة): all Mwa Mwa Penguins must abstain from evil anti-Mwa Mwa items. No Mwa Mwa is to ever eat Nummy Cake, nor Nummy Powder, or anything else that could cure them. Mwa Mwas are to never dress in "grown up's" clothes, except for when predending to be grown ups before changing back. Mwa Mwas are never to speak proper English. When "grown up", they should remain as mute as possible. One month of the year, October, is especially important. In October, Mwa Mwa Penguins must abstain from "growing up" and, if adopted, remain with their owner until the month is up. Mwa Mwas are not supposed to find a new "wammy" in October. This is to test their paitiene and diligence. Every other month, the Mwa Mwas are permitted to do their thing without intervention.


 * HELP YOUR STAFF (عطلة): the fifth Wule concerns the Mwam managers. When a Mwam staffer goes off on a pilgramage to the Big Mwasque outside of South Pole City, the Mwa Mwa Penguins are commanded to exit the Mwasque and shut it down until they return, not to use any of its resources, and to fend for themselves like Mwa Mee did when he wondered across the continent. Unless in October, Mwa Mwa Penguins are free to do their normal thing, just without orgaized help. It's supposed to teach the Mwa Mwa how to fend for itself until it can find an owner. Many bay bees avoid the fifth Wule by going to a tolerant orphanage or pet shop not operated or cooperating with Mwam. Club Penguin's Pet Shop is an example of a P5-avoidance site.

Caliph
The Caliph is supposed to be the leader of Mwam, but only the Waddies recognize one as of now. In Waddy Mwam, the Caliph oversees all of the organization, blesses new Mwasques, and is expected to know the QURAN cover-to-cover in its native toungue (or in other words, a special Hafiz). The Caliph has sweeping powers of override on any subordinate's work, but can not meddle with Fatwa.

Wammy Mwam doesn't belive in the current Caliph, and therefore, he does not have any power if his orders involve a Wammy Mwasque.

In case of jurisdiction
The QURAN gives instructions on what to do if Mwa Family Courts actually become courthouses of the land, like an actual judge. QADIs are ordered to "protect and favor Mwa Mwas if a Mwa Mwa is present", and if not, "to judge a case impartially unless one is anti-Mwa Mwa", and if both are, "to not take the case".

They are also to rule in favor of the bay bees in any Mwa Mwa discrimination/anti-Mwa Mwa cases, and to use the host country's consitution to give Mwa Mwas rights.

A nation that uses the QURAN and MFC as its legal basis would be said to be under "Diarrhea Law", referring to the phrase used by Mwa Mwa Penguins at haters: "ploopies".

The QURAN provides advice if a government adopts Mwam to the judicial branch (rule impartially but also in "heavy favor" of Mwa Mwas), and the legislative branch (protect Mwa Mwas by law and punish haters), but it says nothing on what would happen if the executive branch was ceded, or if the whole government was given to Mwam. Scholars would have a field day in either of those cases.

Treatment of haters
The Founder Mwa Mee's catchphrase when he was alive was كارهي ستعمل الكراهية, or "haters will hate". He said to disregard what anti-Mwa Mwa Penguin folks said.

A "Hater" (القبعى صانع القبعات) is exactly what one would think it is: one who hates viciously without cause (to a Mwam adherent). As the old meme goes, a Mwam employee should keep on walking with confidence in the face of haters, to mirror Mwa Mee.

The QURAN even discussed this topic at one point.

''"Narrated Abubooty:

The Light's witness- PWNage be upon him -approached the gates of many a hostile bird who made cruel remarks to him. -and the Light's witness said, "Haters will hate.", and he departed the town with confidence in his stride and knowledge of being above them in his step."

- Q.U.R.A.N. Volume Two ''

Mwam adherentes were told that haters are to be ignored and that they're actions will do nothing.

Use of Terrastanian Scrawl
Terrastanian Scrawl was Mwa Mee's native toungue. He was fluent in it but could only speak in broken English. He chose to write the QURAN in Terrastanian instead of English, both because he was proud of his heritage and because he was not very good at speaking English.

Mwasques keep their ceremonial copies of the QURAN in Terrastanian, but they'll usually keep an English translation in their player card for their own use.

Drawing Mwa Mee
It is considered disrespectful to depic the Founder Mwa Mee in any way except "a depiction of the light's witness facing either right or left, cheerily and proudly waddling down the pathway coupled with "كارهي ستعمل الكراهية".

Trivia

 * You have nine guesses for the parody.
 * Not all mwa mwas are a part of this, only ones who really want to be mwa mwas.
 * Those who are supporters of Mwahmwamid are called Mwaslims.