Parf

"Warp, someday you gotta study how this guy's brain works."

- Evil Pengy

Parf is a very strange robber. He is more interested in the act of stealing itself than actually acquiring anything, so he usually steals cheap items such as pens, bubblegum, and paper clips, as well as "stealing" free samples, since he doesn't really know what to steal. He often screams "PARF!" for no reason in particular and spouts non-sequiturs. He is currently a member of the Evilositian Army and lives in the Lair of Evilosity, much to the dismay of Evil Pengy.

Early life
Parf's parents were unfortunately very clumsy, which resulted in his egg taking lots of accidental abuse before he hatched. Parf's egg ended up being dropped multiple times, swallowed by a puffle, and nearly used for an omelet, among many other calamities, which explains how he ended up like he is. Parf hatched on July 13, 1990, which happened to be Friday the 13th.

As a chick, Parf did lots of strange things as a result of the egg-related trauma, which probably only made him even stranger. He once chewed on a painted toy car, which he liked the taste of so he decided to drink an entire gallon of paint. He also swallowed an entire collection of marbles and three crayons, got his head stuck in a banister on six different occasions, and flooded his family's igloo twice by leaving the bathtub on because he wanted to see what would happen.

Parf's parents later attempted to enroll him into kindergarten, hoping that going to school might straighten him out, but this plan failed and he flunked kindergarten multiple times, going through it for seven years before his parents gave up.

Moving to Club Penguin
In 2008, Parf turned 18. Although his parents were never planning to unleash him on Antarctica, Parf had heard somewhere that penguins were supposed to become independent when they turned 18, so he moved to Club Penguin Island to be an independent penguin. Unfortunately, he failed to tell anybody about his plan, and lost contact with his parents.

Of course, Parf being out on his own in the world went about as well as anyone would expect, and he ended up getting into lots of trouble. After realizing that you needed coins to purchase an igloo, he began looking for coins all around the island, before giving up and writing to Aunt Arctic, who told him that he could earn coins by playing games around the island.

Unfortunately, every attempt Parf made to get coins was met with disaster. He crashed into the Coffee Shop while playing Jet Pack Adventure, was outsmarted by the puffles and ended up rounding himself up instead in Puffle Roundup, sunk the Aqua Grabber by accidentally opening the cockpit underwater, couldn't get past the main menu in Thin Ice, went off course in Sled Racing and got lost in the wilderness for two days, and kept trying to deliver only anvils and getting crushed by them in Bean Counters. He also attempted to become a tour guide, but couldn't get a single question right.

Life of crime
Parf was eventually given a job stocking items at the Gift Shop out of pity, which only lasted a few days before he was fired for his incompetence. Before he was fired, he accidentally knocked down a box while he was stocking items and a wig landed on his head. He didn't realize that he was wearing it until he got home to his cardboard box. Upon noticing the wig, Parf realized that he loved the act of stealing, and decided to become a robber.

Because Parf only cared about the act of stealing, rather than actually getting stuff, he usually ended up stealing cheap or small items, causing him to go unnoticed for years. During the Halloween Party 2012, he was caught attempting to steal a jack-o-lantern from outside the Coffee Shop and arrested by the Elite Penguin Force. He was assigned to be Evil Pengy's cellmate, causing him to go slightly insane from being cooped up with Parf for so long.

In June 2013, Evil Pengy formulated a plan to escape, and Parf decided to tag along with him. He stayed at the Lair of Evilosity for a few days while Evil Pengy came up with a new plan, and joined the Evilositian Army upon its formation. Parf went along on the army's attempted takeover of Shops Island and subsequent takeover of Chill Island, but didn't really do much. Following the standoff in Chill World, Parf and Dr. Warp both managed to escape capture by hiding in trashcans and returned to the Lair of Evilosity along with Chibi Pengu. Parf decided to move into the Lair of Evilosity permanently and began living on the couch, which he only got away with because Evil Pengy was in EPF custody at the time.

Involvement

 * Stock Clerk - Parf had a job stocking items at the Gift Shop for a few days before he was fired for incompetence.
 * Robber
 * Evilositian Army member

Personality
Parf is a very happy individual, and is cheery nearly all the time. He maintains this by either ignoring, not caring about, or being completely oblivious to anything bad that happens to him.

Parf has a very long list of fears which includes skeletons, vampires, tornadoes, the mere mention of blood, broccoli, shocktopi, gnomes, blue fire, and Carl the Fry Thief. Parf's reactions to encountering anything he is afraid of ranges from running around in circles panicking to immediately passing out. Parf's fears are very specific, however. He enjoys celebrating Halloween despite many of his fears being common themes of the holiday because they are only decorations.

Strengths
Parf is surprisingly very good at stealing things, although this is not because of his own doing but rather completely accidental. Because he usually steals small and cheap items, the thefts go completely unnoticed. If he is noticed, his silly face often causes whoever he is robbing to break down into laughter, allowing Parf to continue what he's doing and leave unopposed.

Parf is a surprisingly good cook, and his specialty is "Parfcakes", which are pancakes that are supposed to be in the shape of his face. They don't actually resemble his face at all, however, although Parf is oblivious to this fact.

Weaknesses
Parf has a very poor memory. He can't remember significant dates, so he celebrates his birthday 3-5 times a year, Christmas at least twice, and Halloween one and a half times. He also can't remember button combinations in video games, and often jumps or simply idles into danger. Evil Pengy enjoys exploiting this, and often plays competitive video games with Parf because he always wins. He seems to lack the ability to learn from past experiences, and often makes the exact same mistake multiple times.

Relationships

 * Chibi Pengu - Parf and Chibi Pengu often hang out while Evil Pengy is busy doing evil stuff and Warp is inventing.
 * Dr. Warp - Parf is sometimes volunteered by Warp to test inventions for him, but he doesn't seem to mind at all and actually enjoys it.
 * Evil Pengy - Parf is somehow oblivious to Evil Pengy's constant insults and abuse, and has considered him his "bestest friend" since they met in prison.

Chronology

 * 2013
 * Rise of the Evilositian Army
 * 2018
 * Dennis and the Oppressors
 * 2019
 * Tales from the Laboratory

Quotes

 * Evil Pengy: "Parf, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but I don't think time would go backwards just by resetting an alarm clock."
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but if the color red didn't exist, what would a rainbow look like?"
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but if mashed potatoes didn't obey the laws of gravity, why would you eat them?"
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but if they're called unicorns, why aren't they made out of corn?"
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but if the sled is such a problem, why don't they just throw snowballs at it?"
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but if there was a country made entirely out of pizza, wouldn't the ocean make it soggy?"
 * "I think so Evil Pengy, but what about the droid attack on the wookiees?"

Trivia

 * Since there were no extra rooms in the Lair of Evilosity, Parf sleeps on the evil couch in the evil living room.
 * Parf once ordered one of Billy Mays' products, which resulted in the order being doubled in Mays' usual fashion. Since he got the second one for free, Parf claimed he stole it.