The Maverick Match

The Maverick Match chronicles the account of Andrew K. Rapone's attempt to turn Maverick into a crime haven for the exclusive use of the UPM.

Chapter 1: The Meeting
"I really love my Maverick bank accounts, and I wouldn't give up those babies even if it meant I had to use that bloody Doors thing," stated Andrew. "But on the other hand, I've got plans." He was obviously mumbling to himself.

"I'm going to eventually take over Maverick." he said, with great gusto. Andrew was in a meeting with Bugzy. Indeed, Bugzy was certainly interested in his plan to take over an entire country for the UPM's private use! "It's certainly interesting, Andrew," said Bugzy, clearing his throat, "but you better not mess this up, because a lot is riding on this!"

"I'll try not to, but we've got many things playing into our favor," Andrew replied, "For one thing, I know very well that Tortugadesetas has the mental capacity of a 7-year old who just saw VirusHunter, and that I can 'arrange' for a convenient incident to befall him so we can rule Maverick freely when that time comes."

"But there's a problem," Bugzy said, "and that's the fact that Tortugadesetas is pretty much untouchable thanks to the Injofaces." Andrew didn't let this dissuade him, saying that "we can probably find a nice incident to befall Tortugadesetas and the BoF won't notice. Also, if we can't seize control of Maverick, we still have a reasonable cover for UPM operations. He won't prosecute us because it's Maverick."

Bugzy reluctantly agreed to Andrew's plan. "But if this flops, I'm disavowing any involvement in this." They left the meeting.

Chapter 2: How to Become a Diplomat in 2 Weeks
Andrew left Freezeland for the last time three days later to depart for Maverick. He dressed like a businessman and brought with him a Penguin OS laptop, three unspecified books, high-quality cigars, a large quantity of cash, five cases of Sockan Brand Cactus Extract, and new pants. During the trip, the sea remained eerily calm. After arriving in Maverick, he met a guard.

"I'll let you in, but I'm going to need some of that cash," the stationed guard said. Andrew nearly repulsed, as the trip across the ocean was rather desolute and he wanted to barf as the guard smelled of cream soda and gasoline. Andrew remained resolute, however, and instead produced a bottle of Sockan Brand Cactus Extract. It was semi-legal in Maverick: technically the guard should not have any SBCE on him, but he let Andrew pass through. "I've been waiting too long for this! Thanks!" Andrew commented, "I have more from where that came from!" He produced another bottle, drank half of it, and gave it to the guard. "Wonderful!" the guard said.

Andrew entered the main part of Maverick. He found Tortugadesetas, and they agreed to meet. Andrew made sure to take a special bottle of SBCE (laced with poison). Just before the meeting began, he offered the poisoned drink to Tortugadesetas. To no surprise, he declined. Andrew discussed with Tortugadesetas about an "interesting" new business venture that could inject even more cash into Tortugadesetas's pockets.

"Okay, so here's my venture. It doesn't have to do with the Maverick National Bank, but it's certainly a very useful perk, don't get me wrong. I'm going to set up a software development house on Maverick. The work is mundane, but the point is that Maverick is the best place for me to do this. Low taxes, virtually no worker protections, it'll make us all really filthy rich." Andrew said, while Tortugadesetas simply nodded. "Anyway, I'm going to need a few things."

"What are those things? A NEW PAIR OF PANTS?" Tortugadesetas screamed. Andrew restrained himself. He didn't want to scream like Mabel. "I do have a new pair of pants. After all, I'm rich and I can buy all the pants you will ever need." Tortugadesetas inquired again, "Do you have a new pair of pants?" Andrew was ready. "Yes, I have a new pair of pants. Just for you."