Judoon on the Moon

The Judoon on the Moon incident was one of the most crazy, ridiclous and Doctor-featuring adventure ever. It involved the first sighting of the Judoon (before they signed the Judoon Treaty. After this, The Doctor was acknowledged as Antarctica's first Human protector.

Chapter One: Peculiar happenings.
It was 10.00 AM. Kwiksilver was walking along the streets of South Pole City. He'd just been to a South Pole Council meeting and needed a drink. He stopped at a nearby coffee shop, paid for a hot chocolate and opened his laptop. After checking the weather, (Weather authorities say that an unusual snowstorm is heading towards South Pole City.) he saw Sprocket had sent him an email from ninja school. He was attending classes with Ninjahopper.

'' Dear Kwik,

Ninja school is fun. Ninjahopper was annoyed at his students cuz they kept shouting, "ZOMG-YOUR-ROCKHOPPER-AND-YOUR-NINJA!". I'm eating lunch now. Mmmm....bananas. Thanks for paying for my plane tickets to come to Club Penguin. I'm enjoying it!

Sprocket@pengmail.com''

Kwiksilver smiled as he read the message. He took a sip of his hot chocolate and put it in his satchel.

Kwiksilver walked along the busy streets to the Eastshield Hope Hospital. There was an interview that needed to be done for the CP Times there and Kwik needed the money. Suddenly, he crashed into a female penguin wearing a nurse's uniform. They both collapsed in a heap, and Kwiksilver was hit by about a dozen books the nurse was carrying.

"Hey!" said Kwiksilver angerly. "Watch where you're going!"

"Sorry," said the Nurse, her cheeks going red.

As they both struggled to get up, a penguin wearing a trenchcoat, a suit, a tie and spiky brown hair came up to them. He seemed vaguely familiar to Kwiksilver.

"Like so." said the penguin, and he undid his tie and held it like a trophy above his head. He then walked off.

"Okay...." said Kwiksilver, finally bringing himself to his feet. He helped the Nurse up and restacked the books in her arms.

"Who was that guy?" said the Nurse.

"I don't know," said Kwiksilver, "Probably some random who's had a little too much Cream Soda."

The Nurse suddenly checked the watch she wore on her wrist. "Oh snap! I'm going to be late!" She waddled off as fast as possible, leaving Kwiksilver alone in the middle of the pavement. He checked his PDA for the time, then realised he was late! He ran off towards the hospital.

"And so, this is our X-Ray Room. This is where we obviously take X-rays. Now let's move on."

The Head Doctor's boring voice could be easily heard over the clicking of cameras, the scribbling of pencils and the murmuring of the journalists. Kwiksilver rolled his eyes. It was so boring. Couldn't there be something fun?

He broke away from the group and wandered into a ward. A group of doctors were standing over a penguin in a hospital bed. He had spiky brown hair. It was the penguin he met this morning!

"What are you doing in a hospital?" asked Kwiksilver, "I met you on the street this morning!"

The penguin and the doctors looked towards him.

"What are you talking about?" said the penguin, "I've never seen you before!"

But yet, his eyes twinkled, like he was hiding something.

"Mr Kwiksilver, Mr Smith here has been in the hospital all morning!" said one of the doctors.

"Oh....weird..."

Kwiksilver walked over to the tea room to make himself a hot chocolate, but they were out of milk. He took the now cold hot chocolate from his inventory and placed it in the microwave. While he was waiting for it to warm up, he looked out the window. It had started to snow.

But the snow looked funny....it was going upwards! That was impossible. Suddenly, a tremor shook the hospital.

"Everybody brace yourselves!" cried Kwiksilver down the hallway.

Outside, penguins everywhere were fleeing in panic. The hospital gave a jerk, a crash and a pop and lifted into the sky.

Up it soared, into the sky, higher, higher, higher, higher.......

"JUST WHAT THE BALLY FLIPPIN' HECK ARE YOU DOING?"

Kwiksilver spun around from the Narrator's Organ and faced an angry Mayor McFlapp.

"You weren't here, so I just thought that you wouldn't mind--"

"WOULDN'T MIND? WOULDN'T BLOOMIN' MIND? YOU COULD HAVE JOLLY WELL DESTROYED THE UNIVERSE WITH THIS THING!" Mayor McFlapp screamed at Kwiksilver, who was cowering in fear. "WHAT'VE YOU DONE?"

Mayor McFlapp shoved Kwiksilver off the seat and read the story on the screen. He seemed to calm down and almost smile.

"Hmmm.... good beginning.... Tell, me Kwiksilver, m'laddo, have you pressed the save button yet?"

Kwiksilver seemed a bit nervous, then spoke.

"Would it be good if I had?"

Mayor McFlapp opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off as the Eastshield Hope Hospital roared into view outside the window and kept going up, out of sight.

"Kwiksilver?"

"Yes, Mayor?"

"You pressed the save button, didn't you?"

"Yeesssss....."

Mayor McFlapp took control of the Organ, and started pressing keys right and left, talking at the same time.

"Well, despite my learned disposition, wot wot, I cannot reverse a bally save. We'll have to call in PASA, wot!"

Chapter Two: Call in the PASA
Ring Ring

Brendan Stars rolled over in bed and the phone on his bedside table rang again.

Ring Ring

Brendan groaned. He was hoping to sleep in on his day off work as PASA's head.

Ring Ring

Oh, I give up, he thought, and answered the phone.

"Brendan! Brendan!" Kwiksilver's voice woke up Brendan like a air horn and he fell out of bed.

"Kwiksilver?" he mumbled.

"I'm trapped in a hospital that's going to the moon!" screamed Kwiksilver.

"Good for you. Now--Wait, did you say THE MOON?"

"Of course! Send the PASA!"

"We can't, Kwik. We've only got one shuttle, and it's too risky."

"Brendan. I want you do do it. Now."

Click

Brendan held his head in his flippers, stood up, then slipped on a banana peel that Pufflechu had left there and fell flat on his face. He groaned.

The hospital shook as it sped through the Earth's atmosphere.

"Hold on!" called Kwiksilver.

There was an odd flash of light around the corner of the corridor, then a Human crashed into him.

"Hello there!" said The Doctor, grinning. "Fancy seeing you here!"

"Doctor Hickory?" asked Kwiksilver, "I thought you were in Cardiff?"

"I didn't end up going there at all, actually," said The Doctor, speeding to the nearest computer terminal and typing extremely fast.

There was a crash, and the hospital stopped shaking. Kwiksilver looked outside the window and at the site that greeted him.

He was on the moon.

"The...the...," Kwiksilver stammered, speechless.

"Moon," Doctor Hickory finished for him. He whacked the computer terminal. "They've locked me out of the system! Cheeky thingos,"

"They? Who's 'they'?"

But the Doctor gave no answer. He ran down the hallway and Kwiksilver hurried after him.

"Why were you in disguise?"

"Simple penguin shape shifter machine. Built it after I received this letter," he said. The Doctor withdrew a piece of folded paper from his pocket and threw it at Kwiksilver.

Kwiksilver tried to read the letter, but ran into a nurse that was running past. He didn't even bother to apologise. The nurse hurried after him.

"Oi!" yelled the nurse, "You could have at least said sorry!"

"We're on the moon with no means of escape and you're worried about apologies?" asked Kwiksilver.

"My mum always said good manners were important!" insisted the nurse.

"Kwiksilver," said Doctor Hickory, "Just apologise to-" He turned to the nurse. "What's your name?"

"Excess," said the Nurse, blushing slightly, "Excess Consumption."

"Hey! I know you!" said Kwiksilver. "You ran into me on the street this morning, remember?"

Excess looked from the Doctor to Kwiksilver, then back to the Doctor, then back to Kwiksilver. She pointed at the Doctor.

"Doesn't he look like that guy-" she started.

"Yes. He was in disguise," said Kwiksilver.

"But he's a-"

"A Human, yes. Well, actually no. He's really a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey."

"But how did he-"

"Shape-shifting machine, now can we get back to figuring this out?" said the Doctor in a bored tone. "Excess, this is James Kwiksilver. I'm the Doctor. Kwiksilver, this is Excess Consumption. And you already know who I am. We're done with the introductions, ok?"

"Your name is Excess?" said Kwiksilver, raising an eyebrow.

"Please don't make fun of me," said Excess, going even redder, "It was my parent's idea. They had an awful sense of humour."

"I once knew a kid on Gallifrey whose parents named him Roxiocfallaparttoriorumisumhn," the Doctor said, "He had to have a ID the size of the Magna Carta. Poor guy. You're from the Lichenblossom Isles, Excess?"

"Redlink Abbey, in fact," said Excess, "My mother always used to say we were related to Abbess Abby, but nobody believed her."

The trio came to a halt in front of a door to a balcony. Outside, a rocky landscape greeted them. It was barren, except for one flag standing upright in the soil. The Earth hung in the background like a silvery orb.

"I can't believe we're on the moon," said Excess dreamiliy, "It's so beautiful!"

"Nothing new to me," said Kwiksilver, "I've already been here."

"Let's go outside," said The Doctor. Kwiksilver stopped him.

"There's no air on the moon, we'll die!"

"Well then, how are we breathing?" said Excess, "Some windows are open. Let's go out."

"We might die," said Kwiksilver.

"We might not," said Excess.

The Doctor smiled at Excess, then pushed the doors open.

Chapter Three: Why hello there, my friend.
They didn't die.

Quite to the contrary, in fact. The Doctor, Excess and Kwiksilver stepped out onto the hospital balcony alive and well, but very confused.

"What's keeping us alive?" asked Kwiksilver.

The Doctor pulled a small piece of paper from his trenchcoat, scrunched it up and threw it out to the dark, empty landscape of the Moon. It sailed in the air for a while, then hit something invisible and feel to the floor. The invisible thing seemed to wobble a bit, and the landscape around the hospital also wobbled.

"Oxygen scoop," muttered the Doctor. "We're in a fishbowl full of air."

"But doesn't that mean we're going to eventually run out of air?" asked Excess, her eyes opening wide in realisation.

"Yes," grimaced the Doctor.

"What sick person brings us up here only to suffocate to death?" said Kwiksilver in disgust.

The Doctor scanned the distance, then pointed. "There they are."

Excess and Kwiksilver followed the pointing finger with their eyes, and spotted dark shapes on the horizon. They were moving slowly towards the hospital. As they came closer, the features became more clear. Three giant tube-like spaceships, hovering vertically onto the surface of the moon. They were nearly three times as big as the hospital. They touched down on the moon, disturbing some dust, then doors flipped open on each side of the tubes. Platoons of marching creatures filed out, one by one, marching towards the hospital.

"What...are they?" said Excess.

"Judoon," said the Doctor, drawing out the "-oon". "Intergalactic space police. Like hired goons, actually. Trouble is, they shouldn't even be here. This is the wrong universe for them."

"Why are they here, though?" pondered Kwiksilver, "What do they want in a hospital?

"Well, the last time I met the Judoon it was almost in identical circumstances. Hospital on the moon, oxygen scoop, and an evil alien fugitive who was in the hospital." He turned to Excess. "Do you have any patients here who consume a lot of blood?"

"No," said Excess. "They're all normal."

"Then what are they looking for?" said the Doctor.

"Hey Doc," said Kwiksilver, "You said the Judoon are hired goons. What if they're looking for me?"

Excess and the Doctor turned to Kwiksilver.

"YOU'RE A BLOODSUCKING ALIEN FUGITIVE?!?" cried Excess.

"No!" sighed Kwiksilver. "I mean my exploits in the Great Darktonian Pie War. Don't any of you remember?"

The Doctor and Excess both shook their heads.

"Massive dragons fighting in South Pole City? Pies, Billy Mays, and interrobangs?"

Again, shaking heads.

"Tell me you remember the interrobang? The interrobang? Come on?"

"We have no idea what you're talking about," said the Doctor. "I've been organising things in my universe for at least three months. Maybe I've missed this Pie War."

Kwiksilver looked to Excess as if demanding an answer.

"I've been doing my medical degrees for weeks. I've been locked in my apartment studying."

Kwiksilver sighed. "Okay, basically Darktan decided to go to war with the whole of Antarctica with Pies, Billy Mays showed up and knocked out most of them, then we were beaten back by reinforcements, and then Darktan became a massive dragon. Me, Luce and this Kernel guy became a giant dragon who fought the Brilliance, and won."

"So, you think whoever hired these Judoon wants revenge on you for beating Darktan?" said Excess.

"Yeah. Probably somebody from Darktan's Army."

"Hey, the Judoon are entering the building," said the Doctor. Indeed they were, breaking holes through the hospital's glass sliding doors and terrifying cowering penguins in the main lobby.

"Let's go and find out what they're looking for," said the Doctor. "That's the only way to know for sure."

Chapter ?: Saved!

 * I've skipped ahead to the end so I can write the rest in the middle. Short and sweet, you know.--Sir Kwiksilver of TARDIS- Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire.  00:54, 7 December 2010 (UTC)

Kwiksilver collapsed in the corner of the hospital's X-Ray room, unable to run any more. There was almost no oxygen left in the air, and he was finding it hard to breathe. The Doctor stumbled in carrying Excess, who had been knocked unconscious.

"They're coming," the Doctor gasped out.

With a tramp of boots the Judoon marched down the corridor and into the room, blasters raised. They aimed at Kwiksilver and cocked their weapons as the head Judoon read out the charge

"James Erasmus Kwiksilver of no fixed abode, you are charged with the murder of Darktan Anator by Xary the inventor-"

"I didn't kill Darktan! Xary is lying!," Kwiksilver managed to cough out. "I only turned him good!"

"Sentence: EXECUTION!" yelled the head Judoon. He fired his blaster. Kwiksilver closed his eyes as the Doctor looked on helplessly.

"INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY!" screamed another voice. A metallic ping sounded through the room as the laser was deflected. Kwiksilver opened his eyes to see a black-suited penguin secret agent wearing a weird watch and holding a lead shield. He turned to Kwiksilver, and said a few words as Kwiksilver blacked out.

"Don't worry sir, you're in the care of the Time Agency now."

All around the Hospital, Time Agents materialised out of thin air and detained the Judoon. They also revived the inhabitants of the hospital with oxygen tanks, and loaded them all onto a PASA shuttle which was orbiting the moon. The Time Agents also forced the Judoon to send the hospital back down to Earth.

Kwiksilver awoke in a hospital bed. He looked around in panic, and realised where he was. He was still in the Hospital! But how was he breathing?

A nurse walked in with a tray of food and placed it on Kwiksilver's bed, smiling. It was Excess Consumption!

"Ex!" Kwiksilver grinned happily. "Hello! Ermm...what happened?"

"We're back on Earth," said Excess. "We were rescued by some Time Agents and PASA, and the Judoon are in jail at the moment. You've got a visitor, by the way."

Doctor Hickory strode in, hands in pockets. "Hello Kwikcakes," he smiled, "Enjoy your nap?"

"Shut up," joked Kwiksilver, "I bet you're in trouble now, you've been exposed."

"Meh," said the Doctor, shrugging his shoulders, "They've given me an Antarctic passport and I'm welcomed back anytime. It seems penguins will just have to put up with me. Anyway, somebody's here to see you. He looks pretty big and important."

A tallish penguin waddled in. He was wearing a black business suit, and was wearing dark sunglasses. He had short, brown business cut hair, and had dyed his feathers black.

"Good morning James. Miss Consumption and Doctor Hickory, will you leave us please?" he said in a refined, serious tone.

Excess and the Doctor looked at each other and walked out of the hospital ward, leaving Kwiksilver alone with the stranger.

"I'm the Director of the Time Agency, Mr Kwiksilver," he said. "I've heard a lot about your exploits. Apparently you're quite the hero."

"I guess you could say that," said Kwiksilver, shrugging his shoulders. He didn't know where this conversation was going.

"Now, as for all that happened yesterday on the moon, it never happened, do you understand?" said the Director sternly.

"What never happened?" said Kwiksilver, smiling.

"That's what I like to hear, Mr Kwiksilver," said the Director with a smile.

"The reason I requested a private meeting with you is because of the Time Agency. The Time Agency is a newly-created branch of the PSA, it only came into existence a couple of months ago. We deal with matters of time and space, Mr Kwiksilver. We can travel through time."

"Wow," said Kwiksilver in mock surprise.

"Yes, that's right. We conduct research on the past, present and future and also monitor the Fourth Dimension, the Time Vortex. I am asking you to join us."

"Me?" said Kwiksilver, actually surprised this time.

"You. You have shown skill and promise in the field, and that's exactly what we are looking for. We would be honoured to have you at the Time Agency."

"Absolutely! I'm in!" said Kwiksilver eagerly.

The Director handed him a strange watch-like device. It was like a digital watch, except the face was divided into two sections, label CURRENT and DEST. In each of those areas were dates and times. A battery indicator was also present. A large switch labeled "TWIST TO TRAVEL" jutted out from the side, along with six buttons. The watch was bound together by a leather strap.

"This is your Vortex Manipulator," said the Director. "All Time Agents use these for time travel. Have some fun with it in the next two weeks, because you will be expected at work after a fortnight: Monday at 9:00 sharp."

"Yes sir!" said Kwiksilver, fastening the Vortex to his wrist.

"Good day, Agent Kwiksilver." And with that, the Director swiftly sped from the ward.

The Doctor and Excess Consumption were sitting in the hospital's coffee shop when Kwiksilver sat down next to them.

"So, what happened?" said the Doctor, twiddling his thumbs.

"I'm in this Time Agency of his!" said Kwiksilver proudly, showing the Doctor the Vortex Manipulator on his wrist.

"Time Agency?" said the Doctor in alarm. He grabbed Kwiksilver's wrist and scanned the Vortex with his Sonic Screwdriver.

"This is mine! How did the Director get hold of it?" said the Doctor.

"He said every Time Agent had one," said Kwiksilver.

"This is really bad," muttered the Doctor. "Penguinkind isn't ready for Time Travel yet. They've still got about 2000 years until they develop proper Time Rip technology. There's no telling what they can do with it!"

The Doctor looked directly at Kwiksilver. "You're going to be employed there, so you need to do a job for me. Make sure they never use these powers for bad things, and make sure they NEVER interfere with past events. It's my golden rule."

Kwiksilver nodded. The Doctor looked more fearful than he had ever looked before.

"Good," the Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. "Now, I think the Director wants a word with us."

Kwiksilver turned around to see the Director walking down the hospital corridor towards them.

He turned around, but the Doctor and Excess were already out of the door and running through the hospital courtyard. Kwiksilver followed, the automatic doors opening slower than usual. He started running through the courtyard, jumping over bushes and old ladies in wheelchairs, trying to catch up to the Doctor and Excess.

Suddenly, he saw what they were running for. The TARDIS was parked behind a large tree and the Doctor opened the door. Kwiksilver ran up to them.

"Hey, what's going on?" he panted.

"He's probably going to detain me," said the Doctor. "Try and get more time travel info out of me. See, what happened was that in our debriefing, he started firing questions to me about time travel. I don't want to tell him anything else. Oh, and Excess wants to travel with me."

Kwiksilver looked past the Doctor to see Excess waving at him from the TARDIS console. He waved back.

"You'd better hurry," said Kwiksilver. "He's running as well."

Sure enough, the Director was running full pelt towards the TARDIS. The Doctor saw this, said a quick goodbye and closed the door. The TARDIS dematerialised in front of Kwiksilver with its trademark rasping noise just as the Director staggered up, huffing and puffing.

"Dang, I missed him." panted the Director, holding his side. "I've got a stitch, owwwww."

"I'll help you sir," said Kwiksilver. He helped the Director back to the Hospital, all the time thinking of the adventures he was going to have with time travel....

FIN