Text Hose

The Text Hose is a magical garden hose that, through means of miraculous HTML5 and CSS code (along with a snitch of Java) transforms anything that it sprays at into solid gold. Said to have been created by Whoot Smackler Whoot while experimenting with the dark arts, it is among the most highly prized items in the universe, as it could grant unfathomable wealth to it's possessor, although scholars have noted that it seems to be cursed, as those who wield it usually suffer great misfortune until they get rid of it. Many have died in trying to get their hands on it, and it's location is one of the USA's best-kept secrets.

Creation
After Whoot Smackler Whoot rejected the Experiment Lab's latest invention (the magical Bottomless Coin Sack), an increasing interest in the paranormal began to manifest itself in him, and he started to believe that it would help assist him in taking over Antarctica and defeating "those most darn high n00b-faces". He began collecting previously banned books on ancient High Penguin (out of all things!) magic, and studied them profusely, in hopes that he might find the secret to becoming an almighty being, or some spell of mass destruction. He tirelessly worked on this for days on end, without eating or sleeping, until finally he collapsed of exhaustion and hunger. As he drifted through unconsciousness, a diabolical mammal appeared before his eyes.

Whoot:"Who are ya? What are ya doin' here? GET OUTTA MAH REALM!!!"

Murphy:""

Whoot:"Bah! What do I care?"

Murphy:""

Whoot:"I ain't buyin' it! You're probably one of those weenie n00bface spies looking for that Bottomless Coin Sack, right? WELL I GOT RID OF IT, SO DARN WEENIES LIKE YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!"

Murphy:""

Whoot:"%(^#$%(@$@%!!!!!"

Murphy:""

Murphy pulls out scroll and puts it in Whoot's flippers

Murphy:""

Whoot suddenly awoke, and screamed with rage at the insult "the Murphy" gave him. Suddenly, he remembered the fireball spell, and pulled out the parchment. After reading the parchment, he shouted out the spell:

If he would've pronounced the spell right, that would've been the end of Murphy. However, he repeatedly pronounced "fructus" wrong, and when he was done, there was a flash, the smell of smoke, and out of the mist appeared...

A garden hose.