Ten Minutes to Insanity

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The treacherous tale in which Rocket Slug loses her important backpack full of video games. She now has ten minutes to get it before she goes completely insane. Hilarity and madness will ensue.

The Dream
Our heroine Rocket Slug is walking home from school with a smile on her face, the key chains on her puffle backpack jingling and reflecting sunlight from the mid-spring heat. Phineas34720 and his sister Agent Meltie are walking behind her. Phineas says something and Agent laughs. She then throws a rock at RS, knocking her flat on her face. A group of kids, unseen before, emerge from the shadows to point flippers and laugh at her. Embarrassed, she pulls herself up to her feet, running as fast as she can. But before she can get a good running start, her backpack flies off!

Suddenly, a timer set to ten minutes appears in her right flipper.

Why do I have a timer, she thought to herself, mesmerized and confounded by the strange device in the midst of her running.

Must... Get... Backpack...
Rocket Slug jolted awake suddenly, startled by what she just saw in her dream. She wrote down her dream in her dream journal, amongst the myriad of other strange dreams she'd had in the past, and began to get ready for school.

As she was opening her closet doors, a timer just like the one in the dream appeared in her right flipper. RS didn't know what it was for, until she stopped to think.

The timer was set to ten minutes. She glanced down, seeing a second go by on the digital clock face. "Clocks out of nowhere don't usually appear unless something bad is going to happen... right?" she asked herself. What exactly was this even about? Was her dream coming true? Rocket Slug had definitely seem some strange things in real life and in her dreams, but to see something come true was almost prophetic... concerningly so.

"According to my dream, I'm just gonna start running the minute I lose my backpack," she told herself, beginning to pace around the room. "But if I don't lose my bag... everything will be fine."

She headed down the stairs and waddled towards the bus stop. Somebody tripped her, but she stood back up and brushed off her skirt. Her backpack slid off her shoulder and quietly fell to the sidewalk, unbeknownst to her. It was then, that Sye, waddling down the sidewalk and writing down a method of defeating Xet, saw the bag in question. Being nearly blind, he almost tripped over it, but somehow stopped himself. Stooping over and adjusting his glasses for a closer look, Sye immediately identified it as a backpack, and then, after a thorough look at the stitching, was able to see the owner. It was Rocket Slug's backpack.

Sye thought for a moment on whether or not to return it. RS was a rather... eccentric character who definitely marched to the beat of her own drum. Except that drumbeat of hers was a pulsing, off-kilter rhythm. There was no way to tell what potential horrors this bag held unless he looked into it, and as intrigued as he was, he was not fond of invading her privacy. Besides, she may have something terrible in there, or maybe her medicine! Sye thought of her without any alleged medicine and shivered. He reached to the bag with his cane and picked it up on its strap. Sye slung it over himself next to his own backpack, and continued waddling towards the bus stop.

Meanwhile, Rocket Slug was terrified out of her right mind about something. She hadn't figured out what, but something was wrong. Her head felt awfully heavy, like she was about to throw up, and it didn't help that her vision was beginning to blur for some reason. The timer continued to count down.

As Sye began climbing the steps to the bus, he stopped at the sound of her shoes slapping the pavement. She stopped to catch her breath as he yelled for her.

"ROCKET SLUG! ROCKET SLUG! I have your bag! You dropped on the way here!"

Rocket sighed. "My backpack! Yeah, I kinda need that to live!"

All the children stared at her. The bus driver even stopped the bus, giving the two a chance to chat.

RS gulped. "I mean... you all know what I mean, right? It's just, uh, got a lot of Hershee's and video games in it, and I dearly appreciate Hershee's and video games. Can't live without 'em. Anyway, can I have it back? And do you know anything about this ti-"

That seemed to confirm to Sye that something was up with this bag. Knowing her, she didn't give him a normal or even remotely sane answer about the bag's contents. This was all he needed to know. The bus sped off suddenly, cutting Rocket Slug off. Sye leapt into a seat, eager albeit anxious to figure out what was so secret about her backpack. He had abandoned his previous claim of wanting to secure her privacy, because his morals were flimsy when it came to the abnormal and strange folks in his town.

The defeated-looking Rocket Slug dropped her arm, which still wielded the timer. She felt her head continue to spin, the mix of timer-fueled anxiety and chasing after a bus finally hitting her. Phineas ran up to her, looking concerned.

"How can you miss the bus like that?" he asked, genuinely confused. "I saw the driver stop for you and everything."

RS glanced up, an uncharacteristically evil smile spreading across her beak. "Yes, I missed the bus. But I'm not gonna miss Sye." And with that, she took off into a running sprint, disappearing into the sunrise.

"I'll just get Mom to take me," Phineas muttered, walking back towards the igloo.

Meanwhile, Sye was observing the backpack. It seemed fairly unsuspecting on the outside - it was a neon green bag shaped like a puffle. Pretty cute, and pretty inconspicuous. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except maybe a few weird keychains.

Suddenly, six mechanical arms sprung out and one struck itself through Sye's stomach! "What the-" he groaned, confused and in a bit of pain.

The mechanical arms moved themselves all over the bus, dragging him about. He was nervous and frightened, but having been around aliens before, it wasn't anything new. The bus driver, now horrified out of her wits, opened the door and let Sye tumble out onto the doorstep of his igloo.

Sye attempted to yank the arms off, but they wouldn't budge. "Well, maybe my dad can get this off- I AM ROCKET SLUG!!!" he bellowed, but immediately clapped his flippers over his beak.

"DAD!"

Doctor Layer Grimom ascended from his basement laboratory at the sound, eating a bagel. "Er, hello Sye. Why, you're home from school-" he glanced over at his wristwatch-"seven hours fifty minutes early!" he said, curious to know what was happening. "What is this strange device in your chest? Is it one of those crazy new fashion trends? Or, is it the bagel?"

"It's Rocket Slug's backpack!" Sye said.

"And who is this Rocket Slug you speak of?"

"She's....she's just this crazy girl from school. I think she's an alien!" The mechanical arms neglected Sye's rant and dragged him backward.

"Oh, son, will you give up on this alien nonsense? Or, give up on this bagel nonsense? No, wait, that's my problem," Doctor Layer examined the mechanical arm that went through Sye, quickly stuffing the bagel into his bandana.

"VICTORY FOR ROCKET SLUG!" Sye shrieked suddenly. He then tried to move around the arms to walk up to his father (and to show off the wacky technology).

Doctor Layer cocked his head a bit. "Well, son, it would appear that you're possessed by this backpack. Let me look at it closer. Get on that table." Doctor Layer gestured to an exam table (or just the kitchen table), holding another bagel in his unused flipper. Studying the thing impaling his son's stomach, he bent over to look at it from all angles, at such a speed that made it seem that Doctor Layer was popping up randomly around Sye.

At last, he drew a conclusion. "I... can't detach it, son. The only way to get it off is surgery."

"SURGERY?!" screamed Sye. "-but, that's gonna be so painfu- Feel the wrath of Rocket-Sluuuuuug!"

"Hush your great big beak, my son!" Doctor Layer interrupted. The bagel-obsessed doctor injected his son with a syringe to make him fall asleep. Pulling a curtain around the table, the doctor stuffed his face with three bagels, each with a different spread expertly knifed onto it by a scalpel.

"The surgery begins NOW!"

Meanwhile, Rocket Slug was going insane. Her backpack was gone, obviously, so what else was there for her to do?

RS was running around, frantically, despite the slow and steady drain of her energy. Inside the school, she walked up to a random teacher and clung to his leg.

"WHERE'S MY BACKPACK?!?" she screamed.

"Go check the lost and found." the teacher replied, shaking his leg frantically. "And get off me!"

"THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!"

Rocket Slug dashed towards the aforementioned bin, digging around and tossing out anything that wasn't her backpack. This was getting frustrating. She already knew it wasn't here, but maybe Sye had beaten her to school, and dropped it off here out of the kindness of his heart?

The bin said otherwise. RS, feeling a sudden surge of dizziness, suddenly found herself on a sidewalk a few blocks from the school.

I Had To DRAG Myself Here!
How on Earth - she thought to herself weakly, her vision obscuring her surroundings. This definitely wasn't school anymore. She took another look at her timer. Two minutes. There was no way. She had no time to waste all that effort at the lost-and-found bin. Her next action was to drag herself down the sidewalk as fast as she could, which to any other penguin, would be literally sluggish. Foot traffic in this area was pretty limited since most penguins were at school or work around this time, so she thankfully was able to slip right into the 1-Coin Arcade.

She glanced up, gasping at the sight of a familiar face. It was Veranda, Sye's sister! And she was finishing up a riveting and gory round of Vampenguin Puffle Slayer!

Like clockwork, the game finished and Veranda moved to the Tails Racers machine, a driving game closest to the door. She found herself having fun and even making buzzing and steering sounds with her mouth. She blew raspberries as, in-game, she blew right by Kaylee Tulip.

"GAME OVER." the machine bellowed in disgust.

Veranda groaned and got out of the gaming chair. She heard loud screeching from outside and realized it was Rocket Slug, according to her brother, possibly another alien.

"Get up," Veranda kicked RS, making Rocket Slug open her eyes and smile a nervous smile.

"SYESISTER! Syesister! I lost my backpack and I can't survive much longer without it!"

Veranda cocked an eyebrow, or what a penguin might use as an eyebrow, in confusion.

RS sighed. She only had two minutes left on the timer. "Backpack got brain thing that make Rocket act like Rocket. Need bag for thinky stuff."

Veranda smirked. "Oh, yeah, that's much better."

"C-carry me!" RS screamed.

"Alright, alright!" Veranda grabbed Rocket's ankle and dragged her all the way to Sye's house.

When Veranda wasn't looking, RS spotted her Snowtendo DS sticking out of her dress pocket. RS grabbed it and hid it in her pocket. In her feeble mental state, all she was focused on was revenge, and the more pain Sye had to endure, the better. "Oh, and Sye took your Snowtendo."

Veranda growled. "He will pay!" She dragged RS as fast as she could, grumbling under her breath about Sye.

Reuniting
Meanwhile, Doctor Layer had found a way to dislodge the arm somehow, finally using a sharp tool to slice it off Sye's back. He attached the arm to the bag, and began to sew up Sye's stomach.

After the procedure, Sye immediately woke up and slid off the dinner table with a light headache. "Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome," Doctor Layer said. "And boy, do I need a bagel after that." He stood up and walked back towards the pantry with a hungry, dazed look in his eyes.

There was a knock at the door and Sye answered it, leaning on his cane as he opened the door. "Oh, hi, sis, hi, R-Rocket Slug?!?" He hid the backpack, now deactivated, behind his back.

Veranda was sitting on top of Rocket, riding her like a horse and using the bird's hair as reins. Veranda stood up, yanking RS' hair, and RS dropped to the ground, looking like a crumpled piece of paper and probably feeling like one, too.

"Can't...move...anymore...body so cold... NO!!!!! MY BRILLIANCE!!! It's all slipping...away...like a...g-ghost..."

To the family, those were Rocket's last words. She fell to the ground, coughing up disgustingly thick black goo, like motor oil.

The timer in her sweaty palm only had five seconds left. Dr. Layer counted aloud, completely unaware of what was going on, and Sye rudely dropped the backpack onto Rocketta.

"Four... three... two..."

RS weakly tried the backpack on like a hat, put it on her butt, and then her front.

"ONE!"

RS slowly pulled the straps onto her back. Her natural feather color returned, and she was looking healthy and deep purple again. She laughed happily, not even noticing the stolen Snowtendo slipping from her pants pocket. Veranda's eyes opened at the sight, and the one to the right twitched a bit. She glared at RS, growling psychotically and growing madder and madder. She was about to pound Rocket, who soon ran out of the house screaming.

Veranda dusted off her flippers, ready for the beatdown of the century.

"Oh, this'll be fun." Veranda grinned and chased after the purple penguin.

Fin

Result
Rocket gets a pounding and eventually replaces her backpack.

Trivia

 * The mechanical arms are actually made from old Snowtendo systems and various pieces of scrap. Since RS is great with machinery, she programmed the bag to give her a big lift with its mechanical arms.
 * Rocket can actually survive without her bag (it has video games, candy and her cell phone in it) but in situations that provide extreme boredom (like school), she needs it and will grow weaker and more bored by the minute.
 * This is a parody of the unfinished Invader Zim script "Ten Minutes to Doom".