Short Stories About Nothing in Particular


 * Not to be confused with short stories about something in particular.

This page is a compilation of short bits of continuity, exposition, characterization, and adventures, written by CK and usually involving Penquino in some capacity. The events may or may not have any direct relation to each other.

LMGT's Mission (2015)

 * Started in November 2019

Lm34gt45 began thinking of the day's work and yawned as he closed the front door of his igloo and waddled towards his chauffeur. "Good morning, director." "Good morning, dood. Is that pizza I smell?" LMGT asked. "Yes sir, I picked your food plants and put breakfast in the back seat for you", the agent replied. "Thank you, you know me too well. Let's get to it then, shall we?" LMGT climbed into the back seat of the Launcher GT and saw pizzas and donuts in the reusable pizza containers and donut trays, bringing a smile to his face. It faded slightly as he looked past the tinted windows of the coupé and saw a small crowd of visitors outside his gate. "Time for another long day" he thought, "but let's start it off right, with some foooood".

LMGT looked over the pink-stained snow through his binoculars. Battle on all sides, surrounded by an invading force. He yelled into his radio, "fire those tanks, we've got to hold them at bay", to which he received a prompt but worried "yes sir!" Before the battle, the soldiers under his command were proud and enthusiastic about their jobs, willing to fight for the country. Now, he knew they were less enthusiastic, as they've realized they might die for it too. He switched channels and yelled into the radio again, "status report, captain!" The young penguin replied "It's a slaughter out here sir! I don't know how much longer we can hold this line!" LMGT replied the only thing he could, "Hold it as long as you can, never give up!"

LMGT turned as a soldier yelled towards him "They're here, sir! They overran our troops in the south!" "Men, fight to the last, for Shops Island" LMGT yelled, to rally his troops for the last time, before entering the command tent and asking the radio operator where his air support was. He turned back to the tent entrance when he heard a familiar voice, his friend Chill57181, calling for him, injured and reaching for help. "LMGT, you were supposed to... protect... us." That was all his friend could mutter before being shot in the back with a cream puff. LMGT looked to the sky and saw that his air support had arrived, planes that looked like pizza slices dropping a giant pie on the enemy, causing a mushroom cloud of cherry filling to fill the sky, but all LMGT could think was "it's too late".

He turned back inside to a soldier who was holding a large flashing donut button. "It may be enough to stop them, but it's now or never." He heard a knocking sound in the distance. "Sir?" LMGT thought about what he was about to do as he reached for the button, stopping when he saw an enemy appear out of the corner of his eye. The large alien invader, as tall as a High Penguin, slung their weapon off their back and pointed it at LMGT, a rifle-length sub sandwich. LMGT knew this must be the end, as he heard "Director LMGT, it's time for"... and everything faded away to a white light.

The Director yelled "LUNCH" as he jolted awake, almost flying out of his chair as he scanned his office. He relaxed a bit when he realized it was only his secretary in the room with him. She continued, "Yes Director, it's lunchtime. I'm sorry to barge in, but you didn't answer when I knocked so I thought you may be taking a... 'strategic rest'." He heard his stomach rumble. "Thanks doodette, I'll be leaving shortly" he said, as politely as he could manage, and watched until she left the office. He started to move again after he convinced himself it was just a bad dream... another bad dream.

Today was the day of the week when LMGT almost always ate lunch with one of his best friends, Penquino, so it was a welcome sight to see him at their usual table in the SIA cafeteria, surrounded by a feast from Fisch and Chips, along with a large number of donuts that SIA staff had brought out of the kitchen earlier. When Penquino saw LMGT get close he said "Hey donut dood!" LMGT replied "Yo gurt" just before he sat down across the table. "Late again, 'Director LMGT'. Secret spy stuff got you busy?" "Something like that. On another note, how's Chill?", LMGT asked while effortlessly masking his slight concern. He's not a secret agent for nothing. However, Penquino knew his friends mannerisms better than most, and could see the facade. "Yeah, Chill's good, he's at some political thing, though I bet he'd rather be somewhere less boring." "Right, I remember that." "How about you, are you alright buddy?" "I'm hungry, but other than that I'm ok. Just had a weird dream." Penquino gave a knowing smile, figuring he meant a "breakfast dream", and said "Alright, well let's dig in then, our food is getting cold."

After some eating and the usual pleasantries, talking about life, jobs, and families, LMGT brought up an unusual topic, while eating a few donuts between each sentence. "Do you ever miss the old days of Shops? Before we had a military, and before all the wars." "Yeah, I do, why?" "I used to be idealistic about it, making a military to defend ourselves. But the SIA got tasked with that responsibility, and now it's the most important part of the SIA by far. I founded the agency because I wanted to protect the creatures on Shops Island. I didn't want to be a soldier or general." "The SIA still does important non-military work. It's just overshadowed, unfortunately. I do wish the military and violence didn't become such a large part of our lives. Most of us became part of this life. I helped with the 'great' subjugation of Yow. Bro fought in Frosian, and our friend Ariomay is a soldier too, though for something else entirely." "Who?" "Our 'deceased' friend." Still receiving a confused stare, Penquino continued, "Red... with a mustache?" LMGT's look changed to understanding, and he finished chewing a donut before speaking again. "Oh, you mean Mario." "Dood be careful how loud you say that. But anyway, yes, a lot of Shoppers have grown used to violence, but I doubt any have had to grow more used to it than you. You're right at the top, behind the Prez." "Yeah dood. Millions of penguins have went to fight because of things I've ordered or OK'd, and the wars keep getting larger and more destructive each year. I don't mind a good food or snowball fight, but in control of a military big enough to take down another planet? I wish we were back in simpler times." After this, LMGT scarfed down the rest of his donuts while his friend spoke. "I do too, pal. Unfortunately the Shopper military is a beast bigger than all of us now, you, me, even Lavender. The greedy weapon makers and the war lovers all jumped on his case before Notron, so you know they'd never agree to downsizing. All we can do is try our best to keep the peace, so that our military doesn't have to be used and you don't have to make those hard decisions." LMGT was still in thought, and not about food, for the moment. He looked up to ask his friend a favor. "Can you squeeze me in to speak at the next Legislature meeting? I have an idea I want to propose." Penquino gave him an odd look, "Yeah, I can do that for you. I know you wouldn't want to jump in the shark tank without a good reason."

Family (2019)

 * Written in May/June 2019

It was an average afternoon for Penquino. He had been home from work for a few minutes when his phone rang.

Penquino: "Hello?"

Caller: "Hey Erik"

Penquino: "Hey smarty! This is a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. How are you and the chicks?"

Mito: "They're doing good in Antarctic Academy, and I called to talk to you about my potential new job."

Penquino: "A new job, huh? Finally going to become a famous chef? Or a balloon bender?"

Mito: "No! I'd be helping Acadia with their space program."

Penquino: "Seriously? Aren't you already doing science stuff?"

Mito: "You know I research Nookularix Virus, and I dabble with inventions in my spare time, but this would be a real job. I haven't had one since I left Shops, so I'm nervous but also excited."

Penquino: "What about the chicks? Do you really want to move them from their friends again?"

Mito: "No, they can stay in the Academy."

Penquino: "But how will you see them then?"

Mito: "Video chatting brother, we're not in the 90s."

Penquino: "Okay, but this is Acadia you're talking about. You really want to help them? Why not work for PASA?"

Mito: "Because the Acadian Space Organization invited me. They want help for their ambitious plans."

Penquino: "Wouldn't that be a conflict of interest since Warning works for another government?"

Mito: "I already told them I don't know anything about Warning's work, and they're alright with that. I called hoping that you'd be happy for me, but it seems like you have a problem with this?"

Penquino: "I do. Didn't you leave Shops because it was becoming "too imperialist"? Acadia is no better; and Brant Esser is best buddies with Swiss Ninja, why couldn't he just get help from the Snoss?"

Mito: "I don't know, Erik. All I know is that they invited me to work for them, and I'm glad they did. The past few years I've been happy staying home to take care of the chicks and work on things in my spare time, but with kiddo and kidette in the Academy I've had a lot of free time on my flippers. I can't tell if you're jealous or if it's a grudge."

Penquino: "I'm sorry Mito. I don't trust Esser or the Acadians, but I trust your judgement."

Mito: "Well, thank you. I'm taking the chicks to Acadia with me this weekend to get an official tour and finalize things."

Penquino: "Don't get shot."

Mito: "Ha, sure."

Penquino: "Stay safe. I'm serious about not getting shot. I love you guys."

Mito: "We'll be fine. Love you too."

Penquino: "And don't wait so long to call next time, alright?"

So, he was pretty surprised when he saw Mito was calling him early that Saturday afternoon. He answered the phone, of course.

Penquino: "Hey sis, how's your tr-"

Mito: "Erik?! I need your help!"

Penquino: "What's wrong? Are you alright? If you got shot you gotta put pressure on the-"

Mito: "No I'm not alright! They arrested the chicks!"

Penquino: "Woah woah WOAH, they what?!? For what??"

Mito: "I don't know! I took a break from the tour after lunch to check on them and I was told they were arrested for a retroactive warrant, whatever that means."

Penquino: "Alright, calm down. Don't you have law degrees? Couldn't you just throw the book at them and get your 'clients' released?"

Mito: "No, because the police won't let me see or talk to them. I don't know what to do Erik."

Penquino: "Don't worry Mito. Sit tight, I'm on my way. We'll get them out."

Mito: "Thank you."

Penquino: "I'll see you soon."

After he hung up, Penquino let out a sigh. Why did his suspicions about Acadia have to be right? He started thinking about what arrangements needed to be made when his eyes came across the two keysabers sitting in front of him. He picked them up. Penquino was used to taking his pair of keysabers with him almost everywhere, and indeed he could take them with him to Acadia, slicing through the Acadian Defense Forces if he had to in order to free his niece and nephew. But, that would only bring unwanted attention, and give Esser and the Acadians a valid reason to hate him. No... he's a Jedi, and a Jedi's skills are supposed to include coming up with diplomatic solutions. So, this time, he'll go without them; at least this way he can't somehow lose his keysabers in Acadia.

Penquino put the keysabers in a drawer and went off to make arrangements and catch a flight to Acadia.

After getting off the plane, he took his first few steps into the terminal cautiously, until hearing his name called and looking up to see his sister Mito. After hugging and greetings, they headed towards the exit, past a large sign.

Penquino: "How many official languages can a country have?? They don't even have real Penguinian."

Mito: "I like that you've become a history nerd, but can you focus?"

Penquino: "I am focused... just trying to distract us a bit."

Mito: "We don't need a distraction, we need a plan to get them out."

Penquino: "Well, I was thinking about that on the way over here. I think we should use a skill we both got from mom, being stubborn. We go down to where they're being held, present ourselves as their lawyers and demand we speak to them and then get them released."

Mito: "And when they tell us no again?"

Penquino: "We won't take no for an answer. Maybe you could throw some legal statutes at them until they doubt themselves."

Mito: "I can use a few. While I was going through the tour stressing out, I went over some laws and wrote down what they were violating."

Penquino: "Great. So, where are they being held?"

Mito: "In the police precinct by the ASO headquarters."

Penquino: "Then that's where we're headed."

They passed security, but before reaching the exit, Penquino felt a shift in the environment.

Penquino: "Aw, fishsticks."

Mito: "What is it?"

A loud voice came from behind them.

Security guard: "Monsieur Penquino, lève tes flippers! Vous êtes en état d'arrestation. "

Mito: "Pour quoi? "

Penquino: "I don't speak French."

Security guard: "Vou are wanted by le gouvernement of Acadia. Plaise come qweeitly."

Mito: "No! You can't just arrest him-"

Penquino: "It's alright, sis. We'll still get them out. Go try and get them released again, but don't get yourself arrested too or this will get even harder."

Mito: "Did you know you're wanted?!"

Penquino: "Not at all, but I can't say I'm surprised. I've told you where Brant gets his 'news' from, and he is the government. If you manage to get them out before me, I suggest getting them out of Acadia as soon as possible."

Mito: "And just leave you? No way."

Penquino: "Don't worry about me Mito. The chicks are our goal here."

Security guard: "Raise vour flippers! Hon hon hon."

Penquino: "I'll cooperate with you, mon amie, but this is a misunderstanding."

Fake News (2027)

 * Written in April 2019

Penstubal Post

WAR MONGER PENQUINO PLOTTED TO NUKE SHOPS ISLAND

By: Penstubal

The wonderful reporters of the Penstubal Post have just discovered proof of a terrible truth, that I knew all along. A fact was stated by Dictator Penquino, who is responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent Shoppers, including my good friend Bobbie Wood. You all know who he was. But anyway, War Monger Penquino's puffles were far away from Shops Island before it was nuked, and all of his belongings were moved months before. So, as I've said for months, Corrupt, Lying, War Monger Penquino, who has fooled a strange hippie cult to do his bidding, must have been involved with the plan to nuke Shops. That is why he took everything of his off the island long ago, but ignored his fellow Shoppers. So, we now know that all of the creatures who thought Swiss Ninja nuked Shops "spontaneously" or "because he wanted to" were wrong, and that it was a calculated plot between Swiss and Dictator Penquino.

A few days later in an interview...

Penquino: "Do you really need me to tell you that another Penstubal Post story is fake? Is water wet?"

Reporter: "We'd like to know your response to the story."

Penquino: *sigh* "Ok. So, a day before that story came out, as most of you probably know, I was speaking to the UAN advocating for the acceptance of more Shopper refugees. Well, in that speech I said, and I quote, "I was fortunate enough to be able to move most of my possessions off of Shops Island, while most didn't have that luxury." I figure that one sentence was the base for his whole story, if it's based on reality at all. What I said is true, I had most of my important possessions moved to my igloo on Club Penguin during the war in case Vonkouver fell or Djf's forces bombed the city, and I was lucky to be able to do so. Most of the Shoppers evacuated didn't have another home or anywhere to go, and very short time to pack belongings, and with the devaluation of the WB$ that leaves them with almost nothing. That's why it is so important that the countries of Antarctica step up and vow to help the former Shoppers displaced by this atrocity."

Reporter: "What about your supposed involvement in the destruction of Shops Island and talks with the Snoss?"

Penquino: "Djf and Brook were the ones in cahoots with the Snoss, not us. As for the claims that I'm financially unscathed by the destruction of Shops, a number of Eggnog Emporiums were still on Shops, all of which were destroyed, costing the company millions of coins. The whole story was just another one of stubal's fictional fairy tales, which we're all sadly familiarized with."