Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature

The Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature, otherwise known as the Bureau of Fiction, the Bureau, or the BoF, is a conspiracy theory that allegedly controls the entire universe. Many penguins work in the various Departments of the Bureau, which is headed by the five Masters of the Universe.

Background
It is unknown how the BoF got here in the first place, or who started. All that is known is that one day a new publishing company, called Ampersand Publishing, Inc., sent several random penguins across Antarctica invitations to work for them, and at a very nice salary. The penguins that accepted were never seen again.

For years, random penguins kept on disappearing after they received invitations to work at the same company. A few people noticed, but no one cared. Even stranger was that the company never seemed to publish any books. In fact, their so-called "various offices" were just empty, run-down buildings at random addresses throughout the continent. And yet no one questioned the existence or true motives of Ampersand Publishing, Inc.

In 2003, the Philly Cheesesteak Test failed to cloak the S.S. Elfringe. However, the ship was instead sent flying through a strange realm of portals and cats. Several sailors onboard the ship claimed to hear voices in their heads after the experiment. And a few weeks after the test had ended, every single sailor who had participated received the same invitation to work at Ampersand Publishing. They all vanished as well.

However, this time someone noticed. Government officials were suspicious about the disappearance of the sailors (after all, the government does keep a record of everyone they work with) and did some investigating. Soon after, they found an archived list of people who had vanished after accepting an invitation to work at Ampersand Publishing. They also found a common trait amongst every single person on the list -- all of them claimed to hear voices in their heads.

At this time, the BoF's Masters of the Universe decided they couldn't remain secret for long, and revealed themselves to select members of the government, who agreed to keep everything about the Fourth Wall secret. A new classification level was added to the Classification Code, meant specifically for such topics.

In the present, the BoF is known to several penguins who are outside of the organization and have sworn to not spill the beans. The government and BoF also secretly work together in operations against villains like Darktan and Nightmare, while the citizens of Antarctica are completely unaware that someone is controlling their existence.

2009 Weegee invasion
Starting August 23rd 2009, an unnerving character somehow gained an ID entry into the Bureau. His name is Weegee, his origins unknown. He is silent, moving about the halls without having to adjust a single body part... he just glides across the floor without changing poses. He peaks into offices and departments, just watching employees do their work. Of course, when the employees notice Weegee watching them, they become uncomfortable and reduce their productivity. Weegee, after a random amount of time staring, will glide away and head to some place else.

Realizing his employees' concerns, Author Billybob addressed Weegee and his unwelcome presence. The Master explained that Weegee, though unlawfully in the Bureau, is not a threat to the employees and seems to not want to hurt them (we hope). He continued by stating that they are trying to remove Weegee from the company (to no avail), and guarenteed the safety of the employees, requesting them to "ignore" Weegee and go about their jobs.

Since Weegee is a strange and otherworldly entity, Bureau Employees asked to speak to the members of the Department of Imports Installation Office. When asked about it, they all reacted to Weegee with a gasp and the occasional cowering under the desk. They explained that, in Internet folklore, Weegee is a dangerous and unstoppable threat which attacks by staring at creatures dumb enough to stare back, turning them into Weegees and adding to the so-called "Weegee Army". They were relieved when they heard that Weegee was not doing anything like that, but warned everyone to not look Weegee directly in the eyes for safety concerns. They tell them to focus on some other feature on the wraith, preferably the wacky facial hair, when near him.

As of now, Weegee is not a threat, they say, but his stare is unnerving.

The releaser of Weegee admitted to be a crazy Department of Imports member. The others claimed he read to much 1337chan and the memes made him insane, so he released Weegee with a VNC connection to Benny's laptop, which ran Doors at the time. He was later arrested by an unknown force. McFlapp worked hard to rollback the phenomena.

Involvement

 * See Bureau of Fiction/Changes

Facility
The Bureau's facilities are located in a void next to the Fourth Wall. The building is in the shape of an immense, hollow, white cylinder, and the Bureau's logo is painted on the ceiling and floor. The entrances to the different Departments are all over the walls, with the Masters' offices being located at the very top of the cylinder, above the logo. Above this is the enormous HaOh Tank, which sits at the top of the structure with its huge hole covering a small portion of the roof. In the center of the building is a sprawling maze of wires, rails, and cords, which serve as the basis for the Bureau's transit system, the lifts. These lifts are like roofless, see-through elevators, except that they can move around in any direction using the rails, wires, and cords.

Entrances
For a list of entrances, see Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature/Entrances.

Due to the diversity of the Bureau's workforce, entrances have been established in every single state of the USA, South Pole City, Ternville, and every single country in the Antarctic. Other, more obscure entrances are placed at random towns and areas in case a primary portal fails, or if it is needed.

All the entrances involve registering an employee's pass (a golden card with the Bureau logo, the holder's identity and security clearance, and a unique magnetic stripe on it) into the Bureau's main supercomputer.

Clearance
The BoF uses levels of clearance to limit where employees can go. Each location is assigned a clearance limit (the minimum amount of clearance an employee needs to enter). Some locations are also accessible to only certain BoF employees, depending on what Department(s) they work in. Employees themselves have clearance levels, which can be increased or decreased depending on their performance, productivity, and conduct. Employees can also enter areas they normally would not be allowed to enter if they have permission from a Bureaucrat or a Master of the Universe.

The clearance levels are as follows:

Personalized ID Cards
Certain penguins have personalized Identity Cards instead of the normal golden one. Click to enlarge.

List of Departments
Note: Each department is followed by a short summary of its job.

Trivia

 * The entire Bureau of Fiction is powered by a plethora of Brownian ratchets, which ensures that the Bureau never has to pay the bills (since Brownian ratchets convert the random motions of molecules into useful energy).


 * The Bureau disguises itself as a private publishing company called "Ampersand Publishing, Inc." Ironically, the alleged slogan of the company is "Where books come to life!".


 * The Bureau has been accused of bias against villains, because "villains never win". These claims were rolled back, however.


 * Last April Fools, their sign said BoF-fet as the joke.


 * Mcdonalds394, a Level 5 worker, states the following:
 * "Why don't we promote Tails, Kwiksilver and Ninjinian up to 10? They are pretty popular already."


 * Wiki the Cat, one of the few cats who entered Antarctica using the Cat Arch, sometimes pesters Bureau of Fiction workers about his "Fourth-Wall-Typewriter" theory, absolutely unaware that he is talking to a member of the Bureau.


 * The Penstubal Post once accused the Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature of actually being Da Illuminati in disguise and of being controlled by Chill57181 and his minions. These claims have been rejected as absurd.