Dorkugal

The island nation of Dorkugal is a technology hot spot; it is also the site of the first explorers since Pengiaville. Populated almost entirely by nerds, the landscape is very odd indeed. One island is nothing but a ninety-story building, the other is an unpopulated wasteland.

Despite all of their amazing technological advancements, the Dorkugese government is as far to the opposite as their high-tech lifestyle could possibly be. Throwing themselves backwards into the very definition of low-tech ignorance - feudalsim - the nerds nonetheless accomplished the coveted feat of (primarily) getting the government out of their way, letting the market rule. This, though, has made Dorkugal the laughing stock of Poshia and Castilla, their sworn rivals.

Still, even their shipbuilding skills match that of the 1500s' era of real life Europe. In other words: wooden, wind powered galleons with a GPS on them. Dorkugal combines the absolute cutting edge in technology with the cut-throat world of near-raw capitalism, chained to antiquity by feudal land ownership and delegation of tracts land (and building floors) to nobles, alongside the no-fighting maxim that follows this sort of nerdiness.

History


Dorkugal's origins can be traced back to the Y2K madness of 1999. The interregnum government that had overthrown the king and was beginning to usher in the rule of judges had no real idea as to what to do with the situation. Y2K, remember, is the computing error derived from the dates of any computer that kept time. Computers with dates on them usually used "99" instead of "1999", assuming the 19 in all code. Switching to 2000 (00) would make the computer think "1900", screwing any and all software that demands a date of any kind.

The government decided that the solution was to reduce their dependence on technology, totally unaware that nerds had, behind the scenes, been anticipating and rectifying Y2K since modern computers existed. What was the best way to reduce dependence on technology? Obviously, the government theorized, the answer was to rid the continent, as much as possible, of those that needed it, nerds. This would allow the electrical collapse to be handled by less tech-oriented penguins, far more easily. This pure act of fail did, though, give the world Dorkugal.

The first nerds were from Club Penguin. These pioneers were given several Hydro Hopper boats, enough supplies for four years, and Spy Phones to keep in touch with the mainland. Intended to navigate to what is now Pengmaniaville, they took a wrong turn and crashed onto an uninhabited island. When asked later, the older nerds replied with "we were all talking about Doors 2007 and Mabel, so the navigators stopped driving to listen, and the next thing we knew, we collided with a foreign landmass of uninhabited status".

Twenty days passed, and the CP expats reported land. Seeing this as a success, the interregnum government ordered a nationwide deportation of nerds, promising any nerd who volunteered to leave would be amongst their own kind, and tens of thousands of nerds took up their offer.

They followed the previous nerds to the new land, beginning December 23rd, 1999, and ending March 4th, 2000. By the time the real exodus had begun, Y2K had finished. The government, already executing the deportation of tens of thousands of nerds, just learned that the very group they expelled had fixed their problem.

Populating Dorkugal
Realizing no one lived here, the geeks decided to build a land from scratch. Taking samples from the soil, the found it rich in silicon, boron, phosphorus, and copper, the primary items in computers. They also found some good wood, and used this to build their houses with the robots they built out of the Hydro Hopper boat's spare parts and some silicon. As the city began to be established, the nerds finally got the island online after months of work. From there, they took seeds and altered them to grow things they needed. Trees have been created that can grow floppy disks, for instance and there are bushes where monitors can grow. G has asked the residents of this island hundreds of times how they made a plant grow a computer, and they always reply with "that's our secret".

Unfortunately, they lacked the resources to get steel, iron, or any building material except wood. After having ample living space, they established their land and named it "Dorkugal" in 2001, considering everyone on the island were nerds. They also took the four years supply of food and planted it it on spare land. Using wood, robots, and dirt, they made multi story greenhouses reinforced by solid copper and silicon sprayed with Ditto C solution. Using these, they now have an abundant food supply, and they get their drinking water by removing salt (desalinizing) from the ocean.

After a while, the nerds got bored with building satellite dishes, playing on the Internet, and assigning funny names to one another. Yet, the nerds couldn't decide on anything to do. Pondering their situation, they decided to call up Explorer 767 and ask him what to do. He responded by stating that when he was bored, he got off the computer and went outside to explore Nature. "They don't call me Explorer for nothing!" he said.

The Enlightenment
The Dorkugese were stunned. By 2007, when six years and 3.14 generations after they settled on this island, it was practically like a self-sufficient space station. Everything these rapidly multiplying population of geeks could ever need, food, shelter, water, exercising equipment... everything was indoors. Even the plant greenhouses were indoors now, they found a way to make the plants grow better and healthier with LED lights. Some of the baby nerds, born on the island as the third generation didn't even know what the "sun" looked like. Sure, they could tell you it was a star 93,000,000 miles away and that it burned on nuclear fusion like a Snell-Libro, but they never went outside. They never felt sunshine, or laid under trees. Everything was indoors. Ironically, every building was also made out of wood. They got around outdoors by making robots bring them cloned wood... weird.

Yet, the nerds of Dorkugal could no longer stand the sheer boredom, and so their CEO (the equivalent of a king), Billy Fence I, decided to call up Ross Island, an island of the USA, and speak to them about a cure for their boredom. They wanted to know how they could get outside. At first the Adelie penguins laughed at the dork's statement, claiming "if the lived on an island, they should know how to have some fun", and then told them to "put their brilliant minds to work". After three months of research, database hunting, photograph viewing, and interviews of the USA residents, it dawned on them: An island is surrounded by water on four sides! They could relieve boredom by building boats and driving them around! Yet, they lacked any materials except wood, silicon, and of course the cloned cotton and fabric that they brought with them in 1998.

This was another dilemma. They had the technology to navigate, but not the materials to build a ship. Thus, they looked up the Internet and found some blueprints and basics on Rockhopper's Migrator. The building of ships had begun.

The Age of Exploration
In 2007, the Dorkugese sent out an eager geek named Vasco de Gah! in a galleon with three robots, twelve penguins, and a GPS system, which only had coverage of Antarctica and Pengmaniaville, ready to venture out into the unknown. Unfortunately, the Antarctic Circumpolar Current pushed them into the Magellan Strait and their boat, the Tangent, was wrecked on a sandbar. While in South America, de Gah! discovered a weird species called Homo sapiens living on the continent. The geeks at Dorkugal did extensive research, and discovered a site called Wikipedia that listed facts about the so-called humans. Using resources he found, de Gah! rebuilt Tangent and sailed back to Dorkugal on the Weddell Gyre.

Foreign Relations
Dorkugal has few rivals. The nation is famous for being mostly pacifist (minus the pie war). However, they are not immune from other nations becoming haters.


 * The Poshian Empire - Horrible. By far the most aggressive and biggest enemy of the Dorkugese Establishment, this empire of Prepguins has been trying to conquer the nation's territories since they were founded. Dorkugals itself is safe from harm, since it's too big and too powerful to attack head-on, but its significantly weaker territories are prime raid targets. Two Dorkugese territories have fallen to their rich flippers already. Their ultimate goal is to "purge" the islands of nerds and install Prepguin doctrines to "civilize the lower class heathens".


 * Castilla - Bad. Once a technological haven, it was usurped by the fierce work ethic of the Dorkugese. They immediately became the fiercest of rivals, more so than the Geeks, and the two have cold relations because each is quick to quip on each other's flaw: Castilla's lack of cutting edge technology, and Dorkugal's lack of freedom in everything that isn't the economy.


 * The Geek Empire - Poor. The Geeks are not so much of haters as they are rivals. As a nation under Machine Rule, the Geeks recive much less tourism than Dorkugal.

Cuisine
The Dorkguese primarily eat dairy-coated wheat and greasy foods like the McDoodles Big Pack. They eat sugary snacks like chocolate on special days.

Pastimes
Most Dorkugese spend their time defragmenting their hard drives, building computers from scratch, calculating pi to the thousandth decimal, ect.

National Holidays

 * Computer Day: July 1st
 * Tax Day: April 15th
 * International Dorkugese Appreciation Day: May 25th
 * Pi Day: March 14th

Demographics
In 2008, the population of Dorkugal was about 1,777,340. In 2016, the population sat at around 2,424,576 penguins, a very large increase. The racial makeup of Dorkugal's inhabitants is approximately:


 * 78.6% Nerds
 * 9.1% Evil Fords
 * 8.3% Jerks
 * 4.4% Normal Penguins
 * 0.2% Geeco-Dorkugese

Military
In regards to standing armies, that's a trick question. Dorkugal does not have a standing military, and despite being feudal, there are no "Knights of Dorkugal". Dorkugal has a miniscule Navy consisting of ten galleons armed with advanced weaponry, but that is nonetheless not anything worth calling a "navy" or a military whatsoever. It is somewhat confusing on exactly how Dorkugal obtained their first territories, but the Nerds probably used their wits and intelligence. Since then, the territories of Dorkugal have provided armies to protect the "motherboard" (motherland).

Police
Even Dorkugese police are more like mall cops than authentic police. While they can make arrests and perform all policing functions, they tend to delegate that to corporations. This is a famous example of Dorkugal's tendancy to rely on the private sector for security. Even the CEO's Royal Guards are actually contracted off. The Police of Dorkugal are underfunded and often contract their own police power to security firms. This has resulted, oddly, in making most security guards authentic police: they can make arrests like the governmental law enforcement could.

Customs
Like many exotic lands, there are some things that are done everyday in other nations that should never be done in Dorkugal and its surrounding areas.

Nerd Customs

 * NEVER mock the robes that the Dorkugese wear, and especially do not refer to them as "medieval". That is possibly the highest Dorkugese insult there is.
 * It is considered impolite in Dorkugal to shove someone into a locker or other confinement.
 * Rapping or beatboxing that does not have a geeky and pro-nerd theme in Dorkugal is banned, except in "designated hip-hop zones", indicated by a special sign.
 * It is considered rude, if you are a guest in a Dorkugese home, to not use the host's computer.
 * When meeting, Dorkugese penguins do not shake flippers. They bow. To shake flippers when not sealing a deal is considered impolite.
 * Burping in public is considered stupid.
 * Spam, AKA Yummy Canned Ham is banned in Dorkugal.
 * By law, if you do not remove your shoes when entering a Dorkugese home, the host has the right to step on your foot. Shoes are to be worn in the halls and public areas of the Skyscrapers only.
 * Leaving a computer with unclosed windows left on it is considered lazy.
 * Floppy Disks, though obsolete, are the national symbol of Dorkugal and are to be treated with respect. In fact, penguins from Dorkugal invented a floppy disk capable of store 8 gigabytes.

Jerk Customs

 * The proper greeting in Jerk custom is "Yo!", not "hello".
 * Shaking flippers in Jerk custom is considered a sign of weakness. The proper formal greeting is to high-five.
 * Instead of sealing a business deal by handshake, Jerks perform that fist thing, even though penguins can not make fists.
 * Traditionally, Jerk penguins accepting awards or other items of merit will "give props" to others who may have assisted them, or as a sign of respect/thanks.
 * Spray painting graffiti is legal in any Jerk occupied area between 9:00 AM and 8:00 PM.
 * Jerk inspectors monitor all graffiti for obscenities, citing "we rappers, not rudesters".
 * Swearing, in Jerk culture, is a "pathetic and weak form of insult", looked down upon both in Jerk night clubs and in general. Most Jerks state that "to truly insult someone, you need to be creative", also citing that swearing is "unoriginal", "rude", and "downright wrong, dawg".

Jock Customs

 * Never say "Yo" or bow as a greeting. The proper greeting is either "Whats up?" or a simple "Hello" (though Jocks rarely say "hello"). If you don't greet them this way, there is a chance that they'll football tackle you.
 * Never shake flippers. A soft slap on the back is the proper way.
 * It is considered rude if you don't play a sport with them if your a guest at your house.
 * If you see a Jerk doing graffiti in any Jock owned area, you are to football tackle them.
 * If you don't want to play sport with them as guest then you are to go with the Jocks to football tackle Jerks or shove a nerd in a locker.
 * Graffiti is is illegal in any Jock occupied zones at any times.
 * You are never to go to a Jerk night club. The proper hang out is any local Football field.
 * You are never to attack a fellow Jock. Attacking a fellow Jock will result in a Football tackle 300 times.
 * You must go against all Jerk customs except their last rule which is swearing is a "pathetic and weak insult". And anyway, it violates the COC.

Lichenblossomese Nerd Customs

 * Do NOT wear any sort of normal Dorkugese clothing. Lichenblossomese Nerds, seeing as they are descended from the Geek Empire, Dorkugal's rival, think that normal nerd robes are completely boring and "so Olde Antarctica." The dress code in the Lichenblossom Isles is any comfortable article of clothing that suits you well. It is also recommended that the article of clothing has at least two pockets to store nerdy items. If you live in Redlink Abbey, you are to wear a silver robe.
 * As in Dorkugal, it is considered impolite and "downright mean" to shove ANYONE into a locker. Villains are the only exception.
 * Classical music is mostly banned from the Lichenblossomese Isles, except for areas where the Head of State has permitted creatures to play it. Any other kind of music -- especially rock or pop -- besides classical is allowed. Playing classical music anywhere where it is prohibited will result in a fine of 25 Silicon Tokens (250 coins).
 * The customary Lichenblossomese greeting is "Hey!", usually accompanied by a wave of the flipper. Any other kind of greeting will result in the addressee throwing a water balloon in your face.
 * Confusing Arctic Terns and Antarctic Terns is considered "N00b-ish". Mocking BallySpeak is considered rude.
 * If any villain, big or small, attacks you or your residence and you have any sort of non-lethal weapon, FIGHT! Hiding or running away without attempting to retaliate is considered cowardly and is looked down on. If you are in the position where you cannot physically fight with a non-lethal weapon, attack your opponent verbally. If you have been gagged, just glare.
 * Do NOT mock any important figures in Lichenblossomese culture or history, like Marvin the Hacker or Explorer the First. This is considered disrespectful.
 * Under no cicrumstances, are you to ever, EVER, be caught with a pickle. Possession, hoarding, consumption, usage, holding, or displaying of pickles of any time, anywhere, is a felony and will result in a fine of 50 and a half Silicon Tokens (505 coins).
 * Under no circumstances are you to help or aid chicks that have a CANS badge on their chest. Aiding such villains will result in a 12 Silicon Token fine (120 coins).

Prep Customs

 * You must greet a Prepguin by shaking flippers, while saying "Hello, old chap!". Attempting to greet them in any other way results in a wet willie.
 * It is considered impolite to not give any other Prepuin you meet a boat.
 * If you see a Dorkugese Penguin, give him a wet willy.
 * It is considered polite to throw away all normal cutlery from a dinner table, and replacing it with solid gold versions.
 * Always, and always, never consider the consequences of joining forces with a notourisly evil penguin.
 * Get speech lessons twice every week.
 * The best way to celebrate, in Prep terms, is to sit down to a dinner of highly expensive food and drink. This is usually followed by a game in which you have to give wet willies to as many Dorkugese Penguins as you can in two minutes. Current Record Holder is Samuel I. R. Rich, who managed to give wet willies to 238 weak-sighted penguins, mainly because there was a video game convention across his house.
 * As with Jerks, swearing is considered "Barmy", "Perpostorous" and "That is the lowest form of insult my friend!"
 * If you see the "disgusting Greaseballs", give them a wet willy.

Greaser Customs

 * Your hair must always be greased.
 * Never let a Jerk or a Jock put you down, if he does, start a fight with him and beat him up.
 * Never go to the movie theaters by youself. Go with other Greaser friends.
 * Always keep a comb with you just in case your greasy hair gets messed up.
 * Stay off of other greasers' blue suede shoes!
 * It's a good idea to keep a switchblade or a snowbullet gun with you if a group of Jocks or Jerks are trying to jump you.
 * Fighting other greasers that are part of your gang is considered to be a major offense.

Involvement
Dorkugal has a heavy influence on the USA.
 * It is the opening scene of the true story Quest for the Golden Waffle.
 * It is rumored to be the location of the legendary Shrine of Constants, which is said to hold the first clue to the ingredients of the Golden Waffle.
 * It is also the site of the holiday classic A Thanksgiving Carol
 * It is considered to be the discoverer of "humans".
 * The Sapie Brothers frequently speak of it, though they mispronounce it as Portugal.
 * Dorkugal is also the home of the hugely popular Uber Bowl.

Places


The archipelago consists of two islands: Pi Island and Phi Island. The islands are shaped like pi and phi, respectively. Dorkugal is entirely located inside a sealed, ninety-story wooden skyscraper (dubbed the Googolplex by the CEO) that covers Pi Island. Every possible luxury is inside there, from movie theaters to excercise rooms, and even a golf course on Floor Seventy-Nine. Due to this, the Dorkugese have not left the Googolplex in years. The ships are currently undergoing production.

The other island, Phi Island, is mainly filled with uncivilized wasteland (including the Dorkugese Jungle) and Evil Lake, the home of the Jerks and Fords. Lord Harold von Injoface's private mansion is located on the shores of Evil Lake, near the jungle. He claims the site is a haven, as the Jerks and Fords have been bribed to leave him alone, and he can always find spare computer parts in the jungle for building prototype inventions. His personal air transport, the Voulge, is parked in a hangar on an artificial island in the middle of the lake. Stevie Falcon International Airport (formerly Googolplex International) is located along the southern shores of Turtle Sea, west of the Dorkugal Bridge. This is one of the few ways to get in and out of Dorkugal, the other being by galleon.

Exterior (outside the Googolplex)
 * Mathematical Strait
 * Dorkugal Bridge - previously abandoned bridge that connects the two islands. This allows access to Stevie Falcon International Airport, which is on Phi Island.
 * Pie Sea
 * Turtle Sea
 * Evil Lake
 * Explorer Gulf
 * Googolplex
 * Dorkugese Jungle - computer themed: blue screens of death, ect.
 * Statue of Education
 * Stevie Falcon International Airport - the only way, aside from galleons, to and from Dorkugal.

Territories

 * Lichenblossom
 * Lichenblossom is a vast muble-jumble of islands, the largest named Lichenblossom, and is home to some immigrants from the Arctic, who, like Herbert, felt their original homes were "too cold". Lichenblossom is viewed as being insignificant by the government of Dorkugal, so relationships between the two archipelagos are weak. However, Lichenblossom is the solitary producer of Deletion Missile in the Antarctic and sell them by the ton to the rest of the continent. Like Sparka, the Lichenblossomese have held off the Poshians. Unlike Dorkugal, Lichenblossom is open (like CP or any other normal nation). Lichenblossom has a major airport, in addition to the Dorkugese galleons, making for excellent travel.


 * Sparka
 * This small territory is known for its highly aggressive (but still nerdy) residents. It, along with Lichenblossom, have easily held off Dorkugal's arch-nemesis, the nation of Poshia. Unlike Dorkugal, Sparka is open (like CP or any other normal nation). Its only connection to the outside world is by sea or galleon.


 * Industry Isles
 * This large island is a major commuter center for Dorkugese nerds. Most of the factories and manufacturing centers for non-electronic goods are there, as are some farms moved out of the Googolplex. Like Dorkugal, Industry Isles is enclosed, the entire island being covered by a wooden building. Its only connection to its motherland is by galleon.
 * This territory was conquered by the Poshians.


 * Macradonia
 * This territory is located north of the Geek Empire. It's a military based one, having some of the longest sticks. They get into fights with the Geeks. They're also known to raid the Poshian Empire from time to time. Macradonia has a small island.


 * Dorkugal Minor
 * This territory is smaller then Dorkugal. It supplies some things to the other territories. It's located east of Macradonia. This island is enclosed, like Dorkugal, and its only connection to the outside world is by galleon.
 * This territory was conquered by the Poshians.


 * Farmish
 * This small island consists almost entirely of Strebers. This odd Dorkugese subculture resents modern technology. Most of Dorkugal's famous magic bushes are grown here.

Currency
The currency of Dorkugal is in radians (the radian has no notation), and is described by the nerds as "totally 'rad'." One radian is equal to 18 Fishes, or 360 Pebbles.

Penghis Khan has once said, "The currency looks like pick."

Villains

 * "Jerks": cruel, bullying penguins who pick on the Dorkugese.
 * "Evil Fords": evil creatures who are trying to take over the entire Antartic Continent, starting by Dorkugal.
 * "Focci": evil bat-like ellipses that attack passerby. Some are good, though.
 * "Jock Penguins": related to Jerks except that they would usually get into a gang fight with them, they're not rappers, they're against Jerk customs, and that they're very sporty.
 * "MicroX": he bullies everyone in sight. He mostly bullies Jerks though, so in a way the Dorkugese consider him a hero.

Resources
Dorkugal is a land abundant in silicon, boron, phosphorus, copper, and wood, which work great in building both computers and ships. Their main export are computers and computer parts, while their main imports are healthy food products.

Notable Residents of Dorkugal
Dorkugal has had many notable and/or influential residents and characters:


 * 一人は非常にスマートですコンピュータで, Sensei's Nephew, usaually called "Mathster". He is the greatest computer teacher in the USA.
 * Vasco de Gah!, discovered humans in a distant nation.
 * Billy Fence I, the first Dorkugese CEO/King.
 * Stevie Falcon I, the second Dorkugese CEO/King.
 * Edwin Freezer Luge, the main antagonist from "A Thanksgiving Carol".
 * Fred 676, Dorkugal's ambassador.
 * Al Sirvenxo, a con salespenguin.
 * Doctor Atik McAfee, one of the two doctors considered the greatest to ever exist in their field.
 * Doctor Norton von Symantec, one of the two doctors considered the greatest to ever exist in their field.
 * Henry Residence, another legendary medic.
 * Kaylie, queen of video games.
 * Harold von Injoface

Trivia

 * Their anthem, It's All About the Pentiums, actually comes from their territory, Lichenblossom. The song was composed by Explorer the First during Squashin rule, written to mock the fact that the Squashins were technology noobs and that the nerds were actually smarter than them. Dorkugal took up the anthem when it annexed Lichenblossom.
 * When interviewed, Explorer (the present one, the Thirteenth) said that his ancestor took the lyrics from a weird music video he saw over the then-beginning Internet. Considering the Antics Family's history of "breaking the Fourth Wall", this probably explains why a nerd living in Olde Antarctica was able to sing about Bill Gate$...
 * It is a very loose parody of Medieval Portugal. Otherwise, it's an incredibly made original article that is a Nerdy Utopia.
 * On 23rd April, 2014, the Circular Powers pledged to protect Dorkugal in case of any attack.
 * Add some more trivia!

Related Topics

 * Crowned Executive Officer
 * Dorkugese - the race of penguins which inhabitant Dorkugal.
 * Geeco-Dorkugese - a subspecies of Dorkugese endemic to the Geek Empire.
 * Poshia - the arch-nemisis and most dangerous enemy of Dorkugal, this nation of Prepguins are bent on conquering the nations territories, and someday, Dorkugal itself.
 * Geek Empire - The rival to Dorkugal in most everything industrious (technology, luxiries, leisure, ect.), except tourism. The GE is under Semi-Machine Rule, so tourism is less.
 * The Lichenblossomese Archipelago - A major Dorkugase territory. The archipelago does not have an official government, but the leader of Redlink Abbey is considered to be the de facto Head of State. The Lichenblossom Isles are the largest and only producer of Deletion Missiles in the USA.
 * Sparka - another Dorkugese territory.
 * Industry Isles - formerly a major Dorkugese commerce center, conqured by Poshia.
 * Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind (Allies of the species. They are not of the same tribes, though.
 * Castilla - an enemy of Dorkgual that has technology that can minorly compete with them, and a government of democratic leadership and private property.
 * Germanium Valley - a region in the United States that has a high concentration of technological companies and is sometimes considered as a competitor of Dorkugal