User:Agent Johnson/Demotion of TurtleShroom

This is a short story of the Demotion of the evil and vile fuhrer of the Bureau of Fiction Gaius TurtleShroom Caesar, the almighty internet warrior, by two brave freedom fighters called Marcus Johnson Brutus and Gaius Cassius Happyface, the infamous liberatores. For all intents and purposes of the CPFW universe, this is to be regarded as non-canon.

Content
The years were long and unforgiving for Gaius TurtleShroom Caesar. The whiskers on his beak had turned from luscious yellow colour they once were to a greyish colour. Indeed, campaigning through the multiverse to strike down the enemies of the Bureau of Fiction was a dedicated mission that he had embarked on, with a legion of unintelligent and brainwashed 12 year old chicks behind him. It was a very strange realm that TurtleShroom campaigned in called Gayl, where everyone spoke funny accents and ate funny varieties of bread and cheese.

It was never a crime to be LGBT in the Club Penguin Fanon Wiki, although no one at the Bureau of Fiction had really touched on the subject. You see, there was a point early in the history of the Bureau of Fiction's existence where people were happy and enjoyed their career. People worked along side each other in happiness, focusing upon creating good quality content. The governance structure was inefficent and unrepresentative, but no one really cared; people were too busy creating quality work. However, people matured and began discussing whether to implement more maturer themes. Violence and politics had added a bit of grit into many of the stories that were being churned out. Alas, TurtleShroom, formerly the exiled dictator of another realm, could not stand that, but was willing to overlook some aspects of moral infringement over others that he saw as more vile, such as homosexuality and anarchism (he once banned the writer of this esteemed article for saying that he was an anarchist).

His triumph back into the Bureau of Fiction with his army of 12 year old chick legionnaires, who all shared a belief in some unknown figure called 'the Lawd'. You're probably asking what 'Lawdism' is. Well, esteemed reader, 'Lawdists' think that they're Christian but really are not. Virtues in Christianity that are important include social justice, equality, tolerance and compassion, aspects which Lawdists claim they believe in but don't really bother about. Lawdists prefer to focus on morality and derived their views on what is right and wrong from a mixture of sources from within 'The Biblyeeooh'. The Biblyeeooh was a pretty good book all things considered

"Woe be to the vile disgusting nightmen" Gaius TurtleShroom said, as his chick army crucified a gay penguin. "How dare you fester virgin minds and souls of your corruption. The pain you feel here is nothing in comparison to the fate that awaits you". His minion Matho Mapreader nodded in agreement.

"Yes, down with the gays". Now, due to the policy of this site, if you've imagined crucifixtion as being something other than being attached to a rope and shot with a Deletion Laser after spraining your wrist, then you're mistaken. Though Gaius didn't have a problem with chicks watching the human film The Passion of Christ, which depicts any alternative form of crucifixion that is far too vile and gory to be despited on this site. Anyway, this narrator digresses: TurtleShroom really, really, really, really didn't like gay people.

Aside from the not-at-all gory or bloody crucifixtions, things mostly got along fine. Occassionally a troll or two might have shown up from the Un Bureau of Fiction, a place of sodomy that mostly ridiculed people like TurtleShroom. Occasionally TurtleShroom would have vendettas against certain people - for instance, he took some time to get used a ninja who had immigrated from Bern, Switzerland and he never took well to Cassius Happyface either. He wasn't a fan of an airline tycoon who was secretly gay. But of all the people he hated, it had to be Cassius Happyface. Cassius had disappeared from the Bureau for a small while but then returned and started contributing again. He was very soon made an Administrator and then found himself promoted to a Staff member. TurtleShroom disliked this metropolitan elitist sparkling grape juice drinker and his insufferable liberalism.