2008 Treasurer Elections

The 2008 Treasurer Elections was the first, and so far, the only time an Executive Cabinet member had to be elected by the masses like the President. The epic battle required an amendment to be installed to the Constitution of the USA, determining what would happen should someone oppose the nomination of the Cabinet.

James Mccane, the appointed Minister, lost to Barrick Abanana, the challenger, by 100 votes!

The event
Article Two, Section Three of the Constitution United States of Antarctica states that "The President may appoint and create positions in an Executive Cabinet. He can create as many positions and bureaucracies stemming from the Cabinet as needed. The Cabinet's powers are subordinate to the Legislature and as such hold less power."

This means that if a new position is needed, the President chooses someone, and it can be anyone, to hold the position.

Barrick Abanana wanted the position, but Billybob initially said no. However, he took it to court, and by convincing Melvin Turtleheimer to defend his case, successfully added an amendment stating that if more than one creature wanted a position, then a popular election, like the presidential one, would determine the canidate.

Thus, our tale begins.

Prologue
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPENT 100,000 OF OUR TAXPAYER'S MONEY ON A GOLD-LINED TELEPORTER THAT TAKES YOU STRAIGHT TO THE BLACKBOARD? SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S WITH YOU AND THAT STINKING CHALKBOARD? IT'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD!"

Kwiksilver was seething at the wasteful spending of his fellow delegate, Karazachi.

Wasteful spending was very common at the Council and in the Government. This was just another instance of goofy payments. For as long as the USA existed, people built stupid things with money.

Director Benny infamously spent taxpayer's money on Absolute Thespian Islet for Charles Maniaca von Injoface. Penghis Khan had millions of taxpayer currency sunk into the Royal Pengolian Jewels of Extreme Shinyness. When a chip came off of Jonesworth, Judge Xavier had one hundred taxpayer coins invested to fix him. That doesn't even begin to cover the maintenence of all the parks and government properties. The Night Club of CP, Professor Shroomsky's AIA equipment, uniforms for the leaders of the CPW, and all of those legal fees trying to get the infamous chalkboard linked to the Weekee all come out of the citizens' player cards.

They just had to face the music. THE UNITED STATES OF ANTARCTICA WAS IN DEBT.

What were they to do with it? Sure, the had near absolute power as the governing body, but who there knew how to use money? Most of them were either rich or goofballs. Judge Xavier was a wise spender normally, but he has a job. Bolsheevic was outstanding with money, but he was too radical to control the nation's money.

There had to be another way.

Explorer, who was bored, recieved a text message from an anonymous caller: "Yes We Can."

Chapter 1: A New Hope
President Billybob was fully aware of the need for a money manager. Though his powers were almost completely ceremonial, he had the power to create bureaucracies for any reason he needed. This "Executive Cabinet" already had many members, including Albert Al-Sahaf, Minister of Denial, Tony Tushks, Minister of Walruses, and Captain James Mccane, Minister of the Environment, among many, many others.

The mighty penguin waddled around his small office. What could he possibly do? On CP, he could do anything; he was a part time Moderator... hmm, moderator...

Billybob clapped his flippers: "THAT'S IT!"

Billybob sat down and wrote a quick document authorizing the creation of a new cabinet position, the Ministry of the Treasury, AKA a money controller.

He signed it immediantly, now he just needed a canidate. Who would he appoint? A commonor off the street? A council delegate? A businesspenguin?

He peaked through to the Executive Cabinet, where he saw his old friend, James Mccane, feverishly writing something down on paper. The president waddled to James and asked him what he was doing.

James turned to the President and saluted. Over the roar of the blaring Council stero outside the door, he explained.

"Mister President, this document logs all of the expenses the Council has done sine last month. Since the environment is all fine and dandy at the moment, I've been working on this."

Billybob took the item and read it over. What a document it was! He didn't miss a single number, not a fish, pebble or coin out of place!

The leader turned to the Magellenic penguin and smiled. He called the attention of the Executive Cabinet.

"YOUR ATTENTION, MEMBERS OF THE CABINET..."

"WHAT?!" the cabinet responded simultaneously. They were unable to hear him over the blaring SPC stereo.

"I SAID, ATTENTION PLEASE!"

"WHAT?!?"

Billybob slapped his flipper upon his forehead. He marched out of the room and into the West Wing. Explorer and a few others were jamming to some new rock-and-roll hit sent in by Caseyboy97. They had no clue what it meant, but MAN IT WAS CATCHY!

The president unplugged the stereo, much to the annoyance of the Council, and came back to the Cabinet.

"Friends, we have our new Minister of the Treasury!"

The rest of the cabinet applauded.

"Who?"

"Captain James Mccane, the Minister of Environment."

They all nodded.

"Then it's settled! James, you will be sworn in next week."

The next day, James and Billybob were discussing the new position and financial manners. They headed off to the cabinet room. Unknown to them, a figure was watching them outside.

"Hmm..." he thought to himself, "they're going to appoint that chubby Magellanic penguin to run our country's money? Surely, they have beeter taste than that. I must get that position for m-, uhh, for the country's sake!"

Chapter 2: YES WE CAN CHALLENGE YOU!
The day had come.

"Captain James Mccane, Minister of Environment, I request you to put your right flipper in the air, and your left flipper upon this stack of bills, and repeat after me."

James nodded and did so.

"I, James Mccane..."

"I, James Mccane..."

"Hereby affirm..."

"Hereby affirm..."

"To protect the loot..."

"To protect the loot..."

"Manage the moolah..."

"Manage the moolah..."

"Keep the chedder in check..."

"Keep the chedder in check..."

"Defeat the deficit..."

"Defeat the deficit..."

"Control the cash..."

"Control the cash..."

"-and make sure all Injofaces stop funding their whims with the peoples' money."

"-and make sure all Injofaces stop funding their whims with the peoples' money."

"Now, I must ask you the following."

James nodded.

"Do you promise to uphold the cash, the whole cas, and nothing but the cash, as designated by me and in accordance with the Constitution of the United States of Antarctica?"

"I do."

"Then it is with great pleasure, as governed by the Constitution of this Land, that I, President Billybob Moderator, hereby declare you the official Minister of the Trea-"

"ENOUGH!"

The doors to Billybob's office were kicked open. A dark brown, handsome, and tall Dark Penguin stood before BB and James. He was dressed as Dark Penguin nobles would dress, in a snazzy suit with a cape. A wooden staff was in his left flipper, and a book on finances in his right. His eyes were full of passion and his stride was mighty as he waddled forth to Billybob and James.

This penguin was Barrick Abanana.

"Err, Mister President, Captain Mccane, I wish to become your Minister of Finance, err, the Treasury."

Billybob looked at Barrick in intrest. Having a Dark Penguin on the Cabinet would increase diversity and possibly ease tentions with the United Rebel's Republic of Club Penguin! However, he had appointed James, no turning back.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't just fire James from what I promised."

Barrick smiled slyly and clapped his flippers. Melvin Turtleheimer, in full SPC regalia, came into the room carrying a rolled up peice of yellow paper tied with a brilliant red ribbon in his mouth.

Billybob gasped in awe. James stumbled back in shock. They both knew what Melvin was holding. Yellow paper with red string meant one thing in USA customs.

Melvin was carrying a Consitutional Amendment.

Fred immediately passed out. Explorer caught him before he felled and promptly threw him into the nearest ambulance.

Abanana smiled and took the document from Melvin and showed it to President Billybob. He read it over and blinked a few times.

"Well... James, Barrick, it looks like a ballot shall decide your fate. May the best canidate win."

Barrick smiled at James, still stunned, who nervously smiled back. In all his years of military, he had never faced someone more threatening than Barrick. This was a whole new game for him.

Chapter 3: A Rivalry We Can Believe In
That night, at home, James was talking to various friends and accomplaces about what he should do. One of his dear friends, TurtleShroom (penguin), also a mega conservative who shared many views with Mccane.

It had begun to snow. James quickly waddled to the door and opened it. TurtleShroom (penguin) stood at the door. The emporer penguin dwarfed the short soldier, and his four tiered crown, sparkling in the moonlight, didn't really help. Still, friends can be of any size, and TSP was a major friend.

James sat down on the sofa and TSP took an armchair across from him. A lamp was turned on and the two penguins began speaking.

"Your Majesty, I'm facing a canidate who looks and speaks better than anything I could ever do. Do you have any suggestions?"

TSP nodded and spoke.

"Well, one thing you should do is speak the truth. Never make a political promise you can't do. Don't go crazy, either. Always be truthful to your audience and ALWAYS write your own speeches. Never say something you'll reget down the line."

"Anything else?"

"Yes. Research your rival. Learn every bit of history the Snell-Libros have on them. Use this to your advantage, tell your people what your canidate is REALLY like! Cite your sources, tell it like it is! Most importantly, SHARE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR OPPONENT!"

"Wait, you mean I should do some mudslinging?! Tell bad things about my enemy?"

"PRECISELY! Whenever someone sues me, I point out their flawed logic and win. Other political masters of logic include Bugzy, Explorer, Mayor McFlapp, Speeddasher, and Kwiksilver. A good canidate needs to know their enemy like a book."

"Isn't that sort of mean, TSP?"

TurtleShroom (penguin) gestured to his crown and sash.

"James, being harsh is occasionally the only way to stop what is bad. People will always tell you that you are mean, but being nice to everyone gets you knowhere. Political correctness is not what you want. Tell it like it is!"

"Okay, so not mudslinging, logic. Anything else?"

"Yes." TSP leaned over to James, and the copper cross at the top of his crown shone in the light.

"Always do what is right. It doesn't matter what anyone says, do what is right. Follow your heart and never back down. Stand firm in the face of what is wrong! Even if everyone against you when you're doing the right thing, never stop. Doing what is right trumps doing what people want. Never forget that."

TSP got up and waddled out the door. James nodded and dwelled on the Dictator's words. He walked over to his journal and started to jot down his entire political platform.

Barrick Abanana sat in his mansion, pondering his campaign. He called in an accomplace.

"Accomplace, I'm facing a small, chubby Magellanic penguin in an election for the Ministry of Treasury. He's rather shy, but I know a good politician when I see one, and he is one. I need to win over the masses, appeal to the working class penguin. I need to win this position, for only I can fix the deficit."

"That is true, sir. I would reccomend turning to a frontier that no canidate has used to its fullest."

"What's that?"

"TEH INTERNETS."

Barrick's eyes lit up. He had INSPIRATION! He quickly rushed to his computer to begin his campaign. He knew what he needed to do to win.

Chapter 4: The News Covers It All
TO BE CONTINUED!!

Result
Barrick Abanana won the position of Minister of Treasury. He is currently managing the nation's money.