Penstubal's Speeches

The following page presents a list of Penstubal's (greatest) speeches, published in the Collection of Penstubal's Speeches.

Against Lavender (Your Days are Numbered)
Delivered in Dancing Penguin City on 16 September 2019.

My fellows, we are facing one of the greatest evils of our age. It is an evil that affects every single living creature, every corner of our world and every household. Across Antarctica, he has been wreaking havoc, in every country, in every city, in every igloo. He has violated the most basic international laws in his pursuit for complete domination over the continent and all its residents, he has violated even the most basic laws of nature in his selfishness and greed. This man, ladies and gentlemen, has the blood of countless of innocent penguins on his flippers. He is responsible for the destruction of a strong and independent Yowien nation that refused to bow before his tyranny and before his fragile personality. The Yowien penguins stood up for their country and were forced into a very unfair war in which the Shoppers and their loyal puppet governments in Frankterre, Snowzerland, Castilla and Culldrome were all united in their murderous quest: the Yowien penguins, from the very beginning, stood no chance against this evil, far greater in quantity. Still, the Yowien national spirit lives on, and the Yowiens continue to fight actively, underground, for their freedom, and hundreds of thousands now live abroad and are spreading the word of tyranny and oppression that they are subject to at home under the Shopper and allied regime. Yow is not alone in their struggle - the struggle extends to other weak, small nations in the world, such as New Delphis, that was sold to Shops by their governor Philip Johnson Ricci in a, perhaps naive, attempt to save his country from a certain and impending invasion by them. The penguins of Ed Island yearn for liberty but stand no chance against their fascist government now that it is backed by Shops Island. Notron's inhabitants are used to suffering and continue to suffer even under their illegal new regime, the Sealiens and Amatarians were duped into signing pacts with the Shoppers and the penguins of Frosia, Puffalia, Puffarus and the Melodeeves continue to suffer years after their respective global wars. The imperialist international order, spearheaded by bloodthirsty Lavender and his overlord Chill, has taken countless of lives of innocent penguins, puffles and other creatures. The international community enables the dictator to further spread his tentacles into all corners of the world, and has successfully captured the governments of Margate, Tropicalis and Snowiny in the Western Union and has created deals with the United States of Antarctica and UnitedTerra, the two largest and most populated countries in Antarctica, and successfully pacified them and effectively rendered them unable (and unwilling) to stand up to Shopper aggression. Lavender has effectively bought every single government in Antarctica, and bloodthirsty Lavender and Chill and other cronies in the corrupt Shopper government have achieved all but total domination over the entire pole. It is my observation that only two countries remain standing against the Shopper imperialist agenda, and that is Candvia, which continuous to scorn Shops for their annexations and invasions of peaceful nations and, most notably, Acadia, which made one last major attempt to bring an end to the imperialist world order back in December 2018. Their attempt, sadly, in spite of Brant Esser's best intentions and efforts, failed, and Acadia was isolated by the international community for having virtually done nothing other than arresting a law-breaking rascal. Acadia, under orders from South Pole City and Winsburg, was forced to capitulate to Shops Island and agree to their terms, effectively turning Acadia into an occupied country. The Acadian government under Brant Esser quickly fell apart, and Brant Esser announced he was leaving the presidency earlier this year. Every single government in Antarctica now has been forced to shut up about Shopper war crimes, aggression, imperialism and fascism, and the global agenda has won all power on all levels in every single country. Fortunately, however, the penguins themselves, subject to their despotic rule, have woken up. Penguins around Antarctica have seen what the Shoppers did to the free and independent Acadian Republic, and penguins around Antarctica have woken up to Shopper greed and their soul-drying, consumerist, capitalistic culture that has perverted all forms of their society. The Shoppers have been exposed for what they really are - a wicked, disgusting nation of emotionless dolls unable to think critically and for themselves, a nation of losers convinced they are winners, a nation of merciless drones without any sense of community and membership in society. In their mindless pursuit of self-gratification and materialistic fulfillment, they have destroyed their lives and in that process the lives of others around the world, they have exploited, and continue to exploit, the resources of poor nations and continue to implement draconian and horribly racist and discriminatory immigration policies, as well as, as a society, on a cultural level, continue to discriminate against the lesser-off and poorer in their country. Shops Island is a nation without any morals, without any soul and without any trace of living life left inside it. Shops Island is a barren, desolate land, of people without true happiness, a nation of true hedonists with all their good penguin qualities sucked dry out of them.

That does not mean, of course, that all Shoppers are bad. Rather, it means that those Shoppers, that still have a sense of morality and duty and respect towards others, are vastly outnumbered by the mindless robots without any emotional attachment to anyone or anything. The voices of those penguins continue to be silenced, their ideas shunned upon and their families threatened, in a country that prides itself on its "freedom". Such anti-social and outright disgusting behavior is characteristic of Shopper culture ever since the country was founded by Ben. Unfortunately, however, all the real worst traits were only brought out and broadcasted to the world when Lavender came to power.

Lavender is a real psychopath, a spoiled person with deep insecurities, whose life depends on how others perceive him and who starts crying and panting every time somebody criticizes him. He is a person who would, if the Shopper law allowed him and thankfully it does not yet, kill and torture all dissidents in Shops Island. He is a person who would be willing to unleash war on his own penguins if it meant he would be getting temporary material wealth. Lavender is one of the greatest criminals of our age. Additionally, he is also one of the biggest cowards. He hides in the safety of his presidential mansion in Shops City and is sheltered from all the negative consequences of his actions and refuses to face the truth and is actively protected from it. He is a crook who would always be willing to sacrifice another penguin's life, a friend's life or a family member's life, for his own personal reasons. This man is the biggest thief in history, who has stolen so much from so many, who owes so much to so many, and who deserves to suffer the same way his subjects, the penguins around him and the penguins oceans and seas away have suffered. This man has suppressed the sovereign will of so many nations across the world, including my new adopted country, Moon Island, which has seen so much and suffered so much through its history. Our country was humiliated and forced to surrender to the globalistic tyranny of despot Lavender, we were forced to go underground and seek extreme measures to fight your rule and your suppression of our language, our cultural identity and our right to govern ourselves, create our own laws and live our own free, separate, fulfilled and happy lives. We, the Moon Islanders, are tired of the Lavenderian yoke, and we want our freedom back! This man has suppressed media freedoms and has actively sought ways to shut down the free and independent Penstubal Post, which has informed millions upon millions around the world of the autocratic Shopper regime, and has helped wake up so many to his lies and fearmongering. This man's days are numbered, and we have decided we will not put up with it no more. Lavender, I address you directly: your days are numbered. Antarctica has woken up to your bloody thirst for power, and we, the penguins of Antarctica and penguins you have denigrated as "scrubs" all around the world, will put up with you no more. Sooner or later, you, your government and your nation will pay the price. And it will not be pretty... your greed will hit you right back at your face, and when your country falls apart, one day, there will be nobody left and no government left to weep for you. Lavender, you can resign in shame and end your disastrous reign once and for all, and apologize to the millions of lives you have destroyed with your actions. You have lost. You have not defeated us. You will not defeat us, and you will not escape us. Your days are numbered, Lav!

First Inaugural Address
Delivered in front of the Presidential House in Dancing Penguin City for his inauguration in 2035.

Ladies and Gentlemen, President Dps04, members of Parliament, fellow Islanders and penguins watching from all around Antarctica,

I would like to thank you once more for the amazing opportunity you have bestowed upon me and the responsibilities you've inflicted upon me with the oath I had just taken. It is my high honor and esteemed privilege to have been chosen as your President, and I can promise you, I will do our country well.

Just years ago, I never would have imagined I would find myself in the place I am right now. I never saw myself as a politician - I always saw myself as a person who could exist and influence government decisions and our society from behind, and I always preferred a humble lifestyle, without any extravagances and without yearning for even more. However, the responsibilities I have taken on today, I took them on for a reason. And that is because I did not like where our country and our world were heading.

Today, we live in a very polarized world. Our world is more dangerous than ever before and dangers lie at every single corner - war has left our country and countries surrounding us in ruins, and economic crisis has wreaked havoc all across Antarctica and has destroyed the economy of nearly every country you could think of. Never in recent history has there been such a hard time to be alive. Over the last decade, we've seen nations, families and relationships destroyed and torn apart: we've seen penguins killing penguins, friends killing friends, Shoppers killing Shoppers, brothers killing brothers, fathers killing their sons and sons killing their fathers. We've seen an explosion of violence and destruction unprecedented since the war of the Khanzem regime, and we've seen death and violence we never thought were possible once again. We've seen the most powerful bomb ever developed by penguinkind unleashed, destroying an entire country along the path of its explosion and rendering it uninhabitable for the centuries to come.

Oligarchs and powerful wealthy people are rising all across the continent, and a tiny minority is exploiting the historical crisis were are now in to materially better themselves and their cronies. This tiny minority has a world-conquering agenda in mind, an agenda to destroy all the liberties we fought so hard for, the equality between individual men and women across the world that we have achieved after centuries of persistent fighting.

I decided to run for president because I wanted to change our country's trajectory and the course our species was headed on. I wanted to end mass starvation, end bread lines, end food rationing, unemployment, hyperinflation, malnutrition, poverty, war and disease. I wanted to end the this tiny elite, that does not have your best interests in mind, I wanted to end their nearly ten-year long reign over us, I wanted to finally raise my voice and my fist and say no to the villains who are working so hard to take away our hard-fought rights. I wanted to proclaim to the world that Moon Island has officially been liberated and is a sovereign state of free, independent and open-minded individuals.

And consolidating that truth and getting our voices to be heard is going to be one of the biggest challenges of my presidency. For nearly ten years ago we left an evil empire that has sought to destroy our culture and our traditions in whatever way it found possible. We were the richest area of the "country" and were forced to subsidize poorer and lesser developed, lazy areas of it. Your money, yes, your money, can you believe it, went to Cheeseland or to Sandila or Frosia, Buhu Isle and Malesia, your money went to nations that could not take care of themselves and instead leeched on your hard work and robbed you, deprived you of your wealth, your money.

We were the slaves of a fake country, with a fake history and a fake culture. They attempted to destroy our national culture, to tear apart our unity and to keep us their slaves, but we decided no more, and throughout their occupation we fought back against the invaders, we refused to accept their rule, their control over our borders, and we refused to accept the disgusting culture, the snobism and the arrogance they brought with them. Now, we also have them amongst ourselves, and after they destroyed their country in a useless war, they sought asylum in our country and all fled here, stealing our jobs and overwhelming and overcrowding our cities, all because they tricked our former president, my friend and our founding father, into believing that they would only come here for a little while and that they would behave.

They are not behaving, and they are still here! When will they get out? They are all saying, now that I'm in charge, they will go. And please do go! We don't want you frog-lickers within our borders! We want Moon Island for Islanders and we want to welcome talented new penguins from all around the world here and not the miserable and lifeless wretches that have flooded our shores, bringing with them their inferior culture and their contempt for community, family and society. It is time that we put Moon Island first once again - it is time that we finally, after 16 years of being silenced and suppressed, revived our national culture and renewed our national pride. Ladies and Gentlemen, the task I have before me is daunting, but I can achieve nothing without your full support and unity!

Moon Island is committed to peace on the planet, and we do not wish to ever see the horrors of that civil war repeat again. We need to give our children and grandchildren a safe future and to give them the full abilities to achieve the wildest dreams of their imagination, we need to ensure that they can count on their country and we want them to love and be loved. Only in that way we can make Moon Island stand out as an oasis in a desert of struggling and regressive nations, we can make Moon Island stand out as a country of peace, with an open door for everybody who wants something better for themselves, their friends and their family. My fellow Islanders, this is the Typhoonian dream!

I am fully committed to reforming our education system and improving our healthcare, as well as introducing new environmental regulations, cutting taxes on the poor and the middle classes and increasing taxes on the wealthy. I am committed to passing legislation that will allow small business to flourish, and I am committed to reforming our military and reforming our foreign relations and carrying out our nation's diplomacy as it should be done.

If we pull ourselves together and stick with each other, there is nothing that we can not do. There is not a single star in our universe that we cannot reach our flippers to and there is nothing that can stop us in fulfilling our dreams save ourselves.

Once again, I would like to thank you all for electing me as your president. Long live the Republic of Moon Island!

Second Inaugural Address
Delivered in front of the Presidential House in Dancing Penguin City for his second inauguration in 2039.

Ladies and Gentlemen! Brothers and Sisters! Dear Penguins, Puffles and Creatures of all shapes and all kinds! Moon Islanders of all backgrounds and of all the regions!

Thank you for once again choosing me to your champion!

In 2035, when I first took office, we saw the revival of the Typhoonian dream. Finally, after so many decades of instability, of being coerced into choosing subservience over freedom, regression over prosperity and decadence over morality, Typhoonia is ours and ours only again. Our destiny is, finally, once again, in our flippers. We have taken control over our borders, restored the penguins' faith in our leadership, we have liberated ourselves in every sphere of society and we have freed ourselves from the totalitarian and dystopian nightmare that was Lavenderism, that put another nation over our own, another culture over our own and Shopper penguins over Typhoonian penguins. Brothers and sisters, we are free of the chains of misery, the slavery, the humiliation we have been subject to, under Lavenderism, and we proudly so proclaim, in the spirit of the National Song, that Moon Island is free at last! So much has been accomplished by us, together, over the last four years and yet still, so much remains to be done. Fellows, we are just getting started.

The fight against radical Shoppers and dirty Lavenderists and Bloodthirsty Lav clones all around Antarctica is far from over. We have won the Battle of Moon Island, and we have banished all of their spies, their agents, their soldiers and their secret armies out of our great land. While we have been tremendously successful on the home front of this Great War, victory is far from certain; the accomplishments of our Unity Coalition can easily be rolled back if we relax and put our guards down even for just a little bit. The enemy can strike at any moment; they can manifest themselves by infiltrating our society with their sympathizers, though easily corrupted and manipulable politicians who seek nothing but personal power and gain, and are willing to go to any lengths to acquire that power, even if it meant betraying and deserting their homelands.

We must purge Typhoon of this scourge of Chillism, Lavenderism. We must cleanse this Island of all its cancerous elements, in particular manifested in the upper echelons of our society, among the businessmen, the political leaders and the people serving in the Council, who have sought to use, to their advantage, the dangerous and poisonous legacy of fascist and oppressive Shops to their advantage. They are not Moon Islanders; they are leftovers of the apocalyptic period of our history when we were under Lav's yoke; they are the leftovers of a fallen empire, which, today, Chill and his cronies are so desperate to resurrect it from the ash heap of history.

Let me say this loud and clear, one more time, once and for all, until the end of all times - Shops Island is dead. Shops Island is dead. Shops Island is gone for all eternity, never to make a comeback, not as a creation, not as an idea, not as a dream, not as reality. Any attempt to resurrect Shops Island must be destroyed, and quickly so, in its incubator phase.

I am proud that our Penguins have spearheaded this effort to destroy all leftovers of Shopper culture, and we remain committed to the quick and swift annihilation of any attempted comeback for the idea. We remain strongly opposed to any attempts to upgrade the Shops Union into a supranational state that would be a copy-paste replica of the fallen Lavenderian Empire. That ain't gonna happen, and Chill's wildest fantasies of global domination and the restoration of the Evil Empire will not be once again brought to life. The terrorist occupation of our country and of others by that trash pile of a country, a fake state at best, will not be restored.

Brothers and sisters, let us once again unite for our great country. Let us once again work to make it even better than it already is, and even more welcoming than it already is for all those who wish to come here and contribute to it, to be a part of our Great Society - the many brave men and women all across Antarctica who admire us, the penguins of this great land, and our great country itself. We owe so much to the immigrants who make this country a better place and who bring their good values, diversity and diligence to our land and make it part of our globally-oriented culture. This is why Moon Island remains committed to its partners around this continent, and why we remain committed to everlasting peace and prosperity for all penguinkind and remain committed to goodwill with all our closest friends and neighbors, in particular our friends in the member states of the Shops Union, even Chill Island, in spite of our obvious and insurmountable differences - we all remain committed to peace in Antarctica, and that is why it is in our interest to remain in that Union, with an equal duty to prevent it from evolving into that monster that once had been in its place.

We remain committed to penguin rights and the rule of law in Antarctica, and I would like, in particular, to thank our friends in the Western Union, who have been truly supportive of us over the years, countries that every Moon Islander truly envies.

Moon Island must continue standing strong and united in the face of all adversity, especially in the face of the monstrosity that is the agenda to revive the totalitarian Shopper Empire. We must continue economically developing Moon Island and remaining united as individuals, families and communities. And that is what I am committed to: the continued protection of our sovereignty, our liberties, of our security and of all rights we have under our Constitution, and that is what we must, forever, as a nation, remain committed to.

Once again, I thank you all for reelecting me as your leader. I promise you, I will continue doing my job right, and I will not let you down, as I have not over the last four years.

THANK YOU!