Absolute Thespian Islet (story)

''The screen fades from black. We see, from a distance, a beautiful island with various buildings and an unbelievably tall cliff. The camera pans around this island and begins to zoom closer to the dock.''

As the camera slowly moves in, we see titles appear on the screen.

THE VON INJOFACE CENTER FOR THE ENDOWMENT OF THE ARTS AND

CULTURE     

The dock comes closer still.

IN CONJUNCTION WITH AMPERSAND PUBLISHING, INC.    



-AND FROM CONTRIBUTIONS FROM VIEWERS LIKE YOU,

PROUDLY PRESENTS...

The logo fades onto the screen.



''As the logo fades out, we finally zoom up to the dock, where we see an odd puffle. This puffle has jet-black hair and a pair of glasses with a sly grin on his face.''

"Bros! ...-And... Uh, sisters!...-And the other unwashed masses who have tuned in! I bid you welcome! My name is Charles Maniaca von Injoface, and I am your host for this show. Join me, if you dare, as we embark on a perilous quest and put fourteen guys and gals through the most extensive and terrifying challenges that I can legally perform under Lichenblossom law!"

Charles turned to the camera and grinned, showing his brilliant white teeth.

"Yes, this is indeed a thrilling show. However, only one will walk away with the cash. Everyone else will be thrown out with nothing but their name on the TV for a few weeks. These campers, guests on my private island- that's right -will be put through vigorous stunts and adventures in the quest for TEN MILLION CLUB PENGUIN COINS! ...-But who will get it? Who will get the bragging rights, the cash, the glory? ...-And who will go home to their mama in a handbasket? I bid you to come and join me as we find out, on..."

"ABSOLUTE..."

The camera zooms out a bit, showing the whole dock.

"THESPIAN..."

The camera zooms out a bit more to show the campgrounds and forest.

"ISLET!!"

''The camera zooms out entirely, showing the entire front of Charles' island. In the back, you can see his illustrious mansion's roof just barely sticking up over the horizon.''

The theme music for ATI plays. You may need to install this tiny, BOSS-approved program to play this and any other .OGG files on the database.

Chapter One: Abandon All Hope, Oh Ye Who Enter Here
After a series of commercials, the screen fades back on.

"Welcome back! I'm glad ya stayed on this channel! Don't touch that remote, 'cause there's plenty more DRAMA where my introduction came from! Now, in just a moment, the campers should be showing up at these docks!"

{NOTE: The narrator format will now switch to a traditional mode.}

A boat floats in and a Jacko moves out. He is a plump pumpkin, but not too big. He's a very dark, almost burnt-orange color, with a warm smile and what seems to be brown leaves composing hair.

"You must be Bob! 'Sup!" Charles stated.

"Vello, my good van! Hey Vama, I'm vonna get you that new vouse you've been vanting!"

"That's nice. Weirdo. "

A second, much nicer-looking boat floats in as Bob's boat floats out. Out steps a well-dressed, rather pretty Khanz Penguin with long black hair. Wearing a simple shirt and appropriately-lengthed skirt, she looks very modest in dress. Her face, however, gives off an air of Injoface-like superiority.

"I'm here for the contest! Where's the bathroom? I need to preen my feathers and apply my makeup."

"Ah, it's prissy little Christine. Yo!"

Christine looked down, literally, at Charles.

"Eew."

"I'm the host." Charles said, flatly.

"Oh. Well, where's the bathroom?"

"Ha ha ha! ... Bathroom... No, you're sharing a large public restroom stall. One segregated for females, one for males."

"O_O" was all Christine could respond with.

"Yeah, get used to that!"

A third boat pulls through, and a RocketSnail rolls out. He has an apathetic look on his face and a book resing neatly where his shell stops and his head begins. He is not wearing a rocket, but rather, a solar panel, and he is placed on a brwon board with wheels.

"Randolph, my man! Uh, snail!"

Randolph looks towards Charles and scoffs. He rolled the pupils in the eyeballs sitting on the top of his eye stalks.

"I guess this is what I'm doing for the next several weeks?"

"Yep!"

"Oh, joy."

Another boat pulled up to the pier, notably leaning to the left. As it stopped, a large Piffle thundered out and shook the dock to its timbers.

"Hey hey hey, it's Maxwell!"

"I am SO ready for some ISLET! YEAH!!"

Charles smiled at his eagerness. He was going to have fun with this one.

"Got any PIE?"

"... Huh?"

"PIE. Do you have pie? Food? Something I can stuff into my mouth?"

Randolph wheeled over to Charles.

"Piffles crave food, especially pie. Remember that, slick."

"Hey! That camera guy has TACOS!"

With that, the obese Piffle jumped onto the camera guy and devoured his tacos. It provided the audience with an excellent close-up of a drooling, widely-grinning Maxwell with his mouth open, attacking.

As Maxwell's boat pulls out, Charles interestingly notes that no boat is directly following.

"Huh. That's odd, where's P-"

BOW!!

A ghost phased through the dock behind Charles and the other campers. She bore a resemblance in shape to Mother-of-the-Puppets, but had features and height more like Captain Str00del. Her hair came down to what would count as her shoulders, where it dispersed insto frizzy curls and split ends. In life, it was apparently red. Her clothes seemed to be a greenish color, and, like most ghosts, her skin color was grey. She had pointy fingers like the Captain and a wild-eyed look in her bright-green colored eyes.

Everyone screamed, Charles included.

"Oh! Gosh! Paula, you scared the embezzlement out of me!"

Paula giggled some sort of crazed giggle.

"Oh, shucks. No need for compliments. I'm Paula and I'm ready for some action! Yeah!"

Randolph, who had by now returned to his normal scowl, lowered his eyestalks a bit and commented.

"What killed you?"

"Oh, nothing of note. I just wrestled several Leapord Seals and lost to my third competitor."

"Oh great. You're crazy!"

"I know, right?" Paula beamed.

"Oh... Kay... It looks like our next boat is on its way in."

The boat pulled up, and for a moment, there was silence. Then, a Ninja-like cry was heard, and a very fuzzy Kanta Penguin appeared on the roof of the boat. He jumped, trying to land on the dock, but instead hurt himself, landing beak first on the pier. Everyone cringed at the pain. One of Charles' interns helped the penguin up. Like his species' dictates, this penguin was the signature Kanta green, and, as a Northern Kanta Penguin, he has fuzz that grows off of his feathers, making him look like a soft fluffy oval with eyes and a beak. He wore a pair of glasses and a shirt that did little to reduce his fuzziness, the shirt baring a picture of a piece of pizza. He was not wearing pants, which, for a penguin, is perfectly normal.

Charles smiled mischeviously at the fuzzy newcomer.

"So, what's your name?"

"I am Doris G. Goshin, II."

Charles snorted a bit as he tried to hold in his laughter. Randolph and Christine both had trouble stifling their own chortling.

"... Doris? Your name is *snicker* Doris?"

"That's right! -and I'm ready to win!"

Charles laughed a bit as Doris waddled over to the other Campers. Maxwell would have given him a high five, but as a Piffle, that's impossible.

Charles snickered as he waited for the next boat. As it pulled up, a penguin wearing an olive green hooded sweatshirt and a strange dark green hat with a little cotton ball on top arrived.

"It's Wester!" Charles stated.

"Yo, Wester in the hiz-zzouse! I'm in it to win it! Word!"

Everyone stared. A cameraman snickered, his muffled laughter audiable to the audience. The camera shook a little because of the laughter.

Charles blinked for a moment. He was completly taken off gaurd by Wester's fail.

"Dude... Uh... I'll... I guess I'll just say it bluntly. You fail at slang. FAIL. MISERABLY. Don't do it again, 'kay?"

"Hey man, you can't make me censor my fly language, dawg!"

Charles twitched as Christine glared. She walked over to Wester and whipped out a fish, slapping Wester's face right and left three times, much to Charles' delight.

"Christine... She's a mean one! Oh, here's the next boat!"

The boat appeared in the distance, and quickly came closer. It wasn't stopping nor slowing, and it soon barreled closer and closer to the dock. Everyone screamed as they thought they were going to be rammed, but the boat made a sharp right as a figure jumped out. The vessel veered its way onto land and shattered to bits, catching on fire.

"HEY! That boat cost us a bundle! Not cool!" Charles shouted to the figure.

It was a Dark Penguin, and he was wearing what seemed to be an orange prison jumpsuit with a numbered badge on it. On his webbed feet were shiny little black shoes, and his right webbed foot had a tracking bracelet. He had hair, only it was a spiky green mohawk. Around what would be a human's wrists were leather bracelets with little spikes, that complemented the collar-like necklance on his neck. He had a scar on his beak and a vllanious gleam in his eyes, which matched Charles'.

He leaned over to look at Charles.

"Heh. Puffle."

Charles growled for a moment before snapping back to normal.

"I'm the host."

"Oh wonderful."

"Tell me your name, punk."

"Well, the Antarctic Department of Corrections addresses me as 6052008," the penguin said, pointing to his badge, "but you will call me Eric."

Charles glared again as Eric walked to the other campers. He took one look at Doris and frowned.

"Hey fuzzball, you're in my spot."

"This isn't your sp-"

Eric pushed the Kanta Penguin into the water and took his spot. Christine laughed, Bob glared, and the others weren't watching. Doris popped his head out of the water and shouted at Eric.

"GOSH!"

Eric just laughed as Doris swam to the shore and back to the edge of the pier, where he stood far from Eric. Eric, meanwhile, turned to Christine.

"Hey baby, how's about you and me-"

SLAP!

"OW!"

Chrales grunted and whispered to a nearby intern to write a restraining order for him to keep Eric away. The intern nodded and went to shore as the next boat arrived.

A nerdy penguin stepped off and turned back, waving to the captain of the boat. He smiled and waved back, driving off.

She turned to face the motley crew of campers and smiled widely. This penguin was Dorkugese, most definately, as the midieval kirtle she donned instantly made apparent. Her main dress was a teal, greenish color with what was, according to history books, a smock underneath, colored a mismatching hot pink color. Over her midieval gown was a more modern vest, colored a green-brown color. What looked like patches were sewn on it. She wore thick, black glasses (a Dorkugese staple) and had a big smile on her face. Her (somewhat) long brown hair was tied up in a modest, flat bun of sorts, tied together by what is called a "caul".

She held her flippers together and then began.

"Hello everyone!" she said warmly, in a nasally accented and somewhat high voice, "My name is Veronica! It's a pleasure to meet you all!" she was about to courtsey when she saw Charles.

"OH, aren't you just adorable!"

Veronica ran over and picked up Charles, squeezing him in her flippers' tight grasp. As she was holding him, she began petting him and immediantly noticed his hair.

"Aww, you have puffle hair that contrasts your fur!" she held Charles up a flippers' length. "Oh you're so precious, yes you are, yes you are! With your little glasses and hair and stuff! Aww!"

"ENOUGH!" Charles shouted. Veronica dropped him on the pier as all of the campers roared in laughter. He glared at them, then back at Veronica. Her first impression was far too strong for his tastes.

"Now get over there, nerdface. I don't want some chick squeezing me."

Veronica nodded and waddled over to the group. Christian shivered at the sight of such a horrendous nerd. She stood next to her and again held her flippers together as she watched for the next boat with everyone else. She quickly talked to everyone around her.

"Hello there! I have a good feeling about all of this! I hope to be great friends with all of you! Who knows? I might just win!"

The next boat floated in, with the flag of Happyface State on it. Muffled screaming was heard, as a very famaliar penguin was thrown off. The boat cranked itself to full gear and sped into the distance.

The penguin, a well-groomed black penguin in brownm shoes, a tour guide hat, and a "Music Jam" T-shirt, lifted himself.

"Curse that Fluffy, when I get my flippers on him, I'll-"

"YO!" Charles shouted. The penguin looked for the source of the sound, and finally laid eyes on Charles.

"You can't keep me here! I've been sent here against my will!!" he wailed.

"You signed an iron-clad contract." Charles commented.

"THE FLUFFYZOID FORGED MY SIGNATURE!!"

"Well, Happyface, it looks exactly like your real sig, so I can't really tell, now can I?" Charles grinned evilly. "Welcome to my island."

Happyface glared and walked over to the rest of the campers. Veronica stepped aside and curtseyed for Happyface.

"Your Majesty, it's an honor for you to be here with us."

Happyface nodded to the nerd girl and smiled a bit. Eric, meanwhile, yanked Happyface's hat off of his head.

"HA HA!"

HF shouted for Eric to give it back, but he refused. It was then that Charles blew a whistle that an intern handed him.

"All right, knock it off, dudes!" Charles commanded. Happyface snatched his hat back and put it on.

The next boat pulled in. We see a green puffle stepping out. He seems to have died some of his fur black, and he has a miniature guitar case along with his luggage. He is not focusing on anything else, but rather, seems to be counting to himself.

"One, two, three, four..." he continued. He seemed to be numbering how many scoots he needed to get off the boat and onto the pier. He smiled as he finished at ten.

"Taylor, welcome!"

Taylor turned to Charles.

"Oh, hi." Taylor stated, still focused on his counting. He scooted to the rest of the participants and sighed, finishing at ten.

"HEY TALYOR!" Maxwell shouted, "YA WANT SOME PIE?"

Taylor showed a confused expression at the obese piffle.

"... No thank you..."

Randolph whispered to Maxwell.

"Protip: he's not a piffle, he's a puffle."

"OOOHH." Maxwell responded.

The seafaring parade went onwards. This boat was unlit. In the window, two glowing yellow dots could be seen peeking out. The door opened to a grey colored, full-fledged Gothguin. She wore a long black robe with (under the robe) matching black boots. She wore a hood over her head. Above her beak, her face was completely unseen, except for the two glowing yellow circles that were her eyes. She wore a hood over her hair, which, if it was visible, would have been a good bit over shoulder length with blue streaks in it.

She stepped onto the pier, her boots making a clunking sound, and looked apathetically to everyone around her, particularly Charles.

"Mundy, my... Uh, goth! 'Sup?"

Mundy scoffed and waddled over to the rest of the campers.

"Be careful about that puffle," Taylor whispered, "He's EVIL."

Mundy nodded and thanked Taylor, but quickly supressed her gratitude afterwards, adding in a "whatever" for good measure.

The next boat entered, and everyone stopped doing what they were doing and stared.

"OH..." Christine began,

"MY..." Mundy seconded,

"MERCIFUL RAM CHIPS." Veronica finished in a normal Dorkugese reaction.

The penguin that stepped out was undoubtedly worth all of Veronica's RAM chips. For a penguin, he was simply a stud, a hunk, gorgeous. He was well-preened, his brown feathers practically glistening in the sun. He wore nothing but a pair of shorts with a white towel wrapped around him. His head of lush black hair blew in the breeze, and everyone stood in awe. He was also extra muscular to boot and had a crystal blue eye color that could have knocked any female off their feet. Charles gaped and the camera penguin zoomed in to get a good shot of the beautiful hunk of bird that was gracing his machine.

He smiled at the camera, a beautiful smile, and simply said one word.

"Hey."

The females, excluding Paula (who was far too busy spinning in circles to care) all swooned.

Charles regained his composure.

"Well, someone's handesome, Kristen!"

"Yes I am." Kristen replied, in his beautiful, sauve voice.

"Almost as handesome as me!" Charles said.

The mood was broken and all the females glared at Charles. Some of the males did, too. The awkward silence that followed permitted Kristen to walk over to the campers and be admire by the contestants, namely the female ones.

"Here comes the last boat!" Charles cried out.

The boat came to a sop to unload its passenger. Inside the boat, a muffled voice could be heard.

"To turn a handle... Extend a flipper and... Yes!"

The doorknob turned.

"Push object while keeping handle turned... Yes!"

The door opened.

"Step over boat and onto pier..."

The penguin waddled and tripped over the boat and onto the pier.

"No!" she shouted. Veronica ran over and helped her up.

"Gee, thanks." she said.

"No problem." Veronica replied.

"Yes!" she answered, as she stood up. The penguin was red in color, with a brown shirt top and an orange skirt. Her shirt bore in red, the word "Yes!". She had long blonde hair and a big smile on her face.

"Hi! My name's..."

"Lindsay?" Charles asked, breaking the Fourth Wall.

"No!"

"Natilie?"

"Yes! Yes, that's my name!"

She giggled.

"So... What do you like to do?"

Natilie put away a pocket mirror and turned to Charles.

"No?"

"Natalie, I was asking what you like to do."

"Oh! Yes, I enjoy keeping myself looking pretty and being all respe... Resec... Respa... Nice to people! Yes, that's what I like!"

Charles chuckled a bit and Natalie giggled with him.

"Aren't you the largest denomination of currency in the slush fund?"

"Yes!"

Natalie giggled again, totally unaware that Charles had made a sarcastic "sharpest knife in the drawer" remark.

Chapter Two: Challenging
Everyone was now on Charles' Key, ready for the adventure to begin.

Charles turned to the camera and grinned.

"Okay dudes and dudettes, we have every one of our campers here. They will be put through grueling challenges, dangerous antics, eliminations, drama, and a whole lot of excitement, all in the quest for a TON of money! Bob, Christine, Randolph, Maxwell, Paula, Doris, Wester, Eric, Veronica, Happyface, Taylor, Kristen, Mundy, and Natalie... ARE YOU READY?!"

The campers cheered.

"Alright, campers, head to the dining hall!"

All 14 campers followed signs that pointed towards the dining hall.

"Now, for your first meal, donkey burgers!"

An unseen chef passed a plate to each of the campers.

Randolph grunts and backs up a little bit.

"What is this made of?"

Charles looks at Randolph.

"Weren't you paying any attention?"

Maxwell gobbled up his burger and swallowed Randolph's.

"Thanks, Randolph."

"After all you campers are done, follow the red signs to your first challenge."

All the campers besides Maxwell run out.

Maxwell picks up Christine's burger.

"More for me!"

The scene switches to the dock.

"For your very, very, very first challenge, you will have to build a boat."

Paula looks around.

"Where are the materials?"

Everyone else looks around.

"Three of your team members will have to swim to the materials out in the lake and bring them back here. The other 4 will build. The winning team gets an advantage in the next challenge."

The two teams huddle up.

The Super Penguins Deluxe start whispering.

"All right, I say I swim. Me, definitely me. Who else wants to go?"

Mundy and Paula raise their flippers.

"All right, so it's me, Mundy, and Christine. Have fun building, everyone."

Christine, Paula, and Mundy set off to the pieces.

Bob, Wester, and Natilie set out for the Mullets.

Paula picks up a piece of wood and gets close to shore.

Paula throws it and it knocks down Veronica.

Everyone else laughs.

Veronica picks up the piece and throws it hard at Paula.

It goes through Paula and knocks Christine further into the water.

Bob gasps.

"Oh no! I have to help her!"

The good Jacko starts swimming towards Christine, but Wester grabs him by the stem.

"Who's team are you on, pumpkin?"

Bob starts paddling super hard, and Mundy tries to break it up.

Mundy suceeds, but Bob launches towards a buoy.

Bob smacks into it and slides off the side into the water.

Charles moves forward.

"How great is this to watch? We'll be right back after the break!"

After the break, they return.

Charles watches the Super Penguins Deluxe get all their materials.

"With the Super Penguins Deluxe in the lead, the Mullets struggle to get their last six pieces across!"

Happyface414 piles all the pieces on top of each other.

"Come on, guys! My grandma moves faster than this!"

Screen shows Happyface414's grandma running really fast.

The rest of the Super Penguins get their pieces across.

Randolph picks up two pieces.

"I'm pretty sure these go here."

Christine snatches one from Randolph's hand.

"No, it goes right here! What's wrong with you people?"

Everyone hears a yell.

"CANNONBALL!"

Paula flies out of nowhere and lands in the pile of boards. They fly up and land in a boat-shape.

Doris starts nailing.

"Good job, Paula!"

Everyone else starts nailing.

Bob and Mundy bring the last four pieces across.

Wester punches his fists into the air.

"Alright! Let's start building!"

Eric and Taylor look at the Super Penguins Deluxe's boat and start building something similar.

Everyone else get ready to nail.

Natilie picks up a board with a nail in it and holds up a hammer.

"I need practice."

Natilie pounds the nail through the board.

"NO!!"

Natilie falls to the ground.

Charles gasps and walks up to her.

"Kristen, Doris, carry her to the hospital!"

Christine picks up a board.

"Oh great. We're going to have to do this."

Charles walks up to her and shakes his head.

"Only four people can work on the boat. I guess only 2 people for the Super Penguins Deluxe will, and 3 for the Mullets of Doom will!"

The three Mullet boat workers pound in their nails really fast.

Eric, Taylor, and Maxwell raise up their hammers.

Taylor smiles the most.

"We've finished!"

Charles grins.

"Victory to the Mullets for the first half!"

Wester smiles.

"Yeah! We won! Hey? Where's our advantage?"

"Oh yeah. Here's that advantage I promised you."

Charles pulls a lever.

The ground launches the Mullets of Doom and their boat into the air.

"Woaaaahhhhhh!"

The boat lands in the water, followed by the Mullets of Doom.

The six make a pyramid with Mundy, Eric, and Maxwell on the bottom, Bob and Happyface414 in the middle, and Wester on the top.

Wester jumps.

"Yay! I'm King of the Mullets of Doom!"

Wester falls into the water.

The Mullets of Doom row away.

"Hey! Come back!"

The Super Penguins Deluxe in their boat row over Wester's head.

Wester grabs onto the side of the boat.

"I'm not going anywhere!"

Christine gets him on her paddle and launches him into the air.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!"

The Mullets of Doom row towards the finish.

Happyface414 jumps into the water.

"Hurray! We won!"

Wester falls from the sky and leaves a hole in the Mullet boat.

Everyone gets mad as the Super Penguins Deluxe's boat shows up at the dock.

The five members jump onto dock.

"Hurray! We won!"

"Congratulations! The Mullets of Doom are the first winners of Absolute...Thespi-"

Christine covers Charles' mouth.

"You don't have to take the pauses every time you say the name of this show."

"...-But it adds dramatic effect!

The scene cuts to a beautiful marble building. A large wooden desk, of fine mahogany, is in the back. Fourteen pews line back, each with campers in them.

Charles is at the desk, a silver tray with stuffed Mabel dolls on it.

"As the first losing team, if you weren't voted off, you get a stuffed Mabel. Eric. Taylor.  Maxwell. Bob. Happyface414."

Each receive a Mabel.

"Well, it's just two Mabels left. It looks like one of you are going to leave. The last Mabel, and winner, to stay, is..."

Dramatic music plays.

"Natilie!"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! she rejoices.

"Wester, you are the first loser. Go to the Pier of Humiliation to await the Vessel of Defeat."

Wester jumps up and shouts at Charles.

"It was my first day here. Anyone could get voted off. I will return. I will!"

Bodyguards grab him and drag him to the boat.

"Who will lose next time? Who will win next time? Find out on Absolute... Thespi-"

Christine covers Charles' mouth again.

"Seriously! No need for the pauses!"

"Thespian Islet! See you next time!"