Robert Winston

"D-d-do y-y-you have a r-r-reci-p-pie for t-t-that...?"

- Robert Winston

Robert Edward Winston, also known as Robert Winston, Mr. Winston, Scrub or Onion, is one of the few chefs at the Pizza Parlour. Hardworking, he is one of the penguins who make the toppings and side-dishes for the pizzas made there. Unfortunately, he isn't good at making foods. Everything gets burnt or overcooked, except for one variety of food - pickled food. He loves making pickled food, but even so, he might ruin even that, but the one variety of pickle he never fails to make is somewhat unusual - onion pickle. Due to his being able to make it, he makes excessive tons of it, most of which is used on HotHot Pizzas. This is why he needs recipes for everything. This is also why some penguins call him a scrub.

Biography
Robert's life is unusual. Very unusual. To summarize, he is a musician-turned-actor-turned-chef. Sit tight, and here is what is known of Robert's life...

Early Life
Robert was a scrub all his life. Robert hatched on the 3rd of October, 1985, in Club Penguin, as a perfectly normal light-green feathered chick to two happy penguins. As a chick, he always wanted to be a cook ever since he saw a home cooking programme, but once, when he saw an advert for a concert, he thought that musicians were better than cooks and changed mind.

This meant that he would make up songs whenever possible. Even when he went to school, he wouldn't concentrate on his lessons - instead, he would be thinking up melodies and poems in his head, and thus whenever he got a test he would either fail them or get an average score, especially if they were things he considered technical, like computing. Eventually, his parents got worried because he failed his third mathematical exam, and decided that whenever he came back, they would give him a lecture to listen to in the subjects he failed at the best and extra homework. Unfortunately, he couldn't concentrate on the lecture, and consequently failed the extra homework.

To try and bring him to his senses, they tried making him listen to I Am Fail. Unfortunately, he liked I Am Fail, and it didn't help him concentrate. Instead, he began humming it 24/7/365, which was more annoying than him failing his tests. Eventually, when he was 12, his parents found out what it was that he wanted to be, and having finally cracked the code, they let him leave school for a while using an excuse that he had fever, and let him enter an audition as one of the first chick singers in Club Penguin.

Musicdom, 1997-2000
Due to his having practiced singing by himself, he passed quite quickly, and, equipped with a guitar and a melodica, became a solo musician. To please his parents, he released an album named "Winston", which had good reception from the critics. He tried releasing a second album (this time named after his parents, "Jane and Jones"), and this had a reasonable reception too. He began going on tour around the world, and he was happy that he was finally a musician as he had always wanted. He even dropped out of school and became a full-time musician at only 13, which made his parents proud.

However, a few weeks after the second album, machines began appearing in music, which became evermore popular. Unfortunately, Robert couldn't keep up with this fashion. When he tried a keyboard on one of his songs, he was both absolutely terrible at it and the song he tried it on sounded scrubby with it. He then began to lose a considerable amount of fans, and then eventually became a scrub in the music world. Due to his not having many fans to satisfy, he slowed producing albums to one every two or three years. He had, after all, the money.

When he was 17, he was about to release his fourth album when he hit on the idea to film a music video, since he wanted some more fans, and then release it on WaddleTube. As they were filming, he discovered that when he was dancing/acting, his songs sounded scrubbier than ever. He decided to become an actor instead, and once he released the fourth album and three music videos of his most popular songs, he quit the music world to become an actor, much to the confusion of the few fans that remained and his parents. By this time, he had accumulated enough money to go to acting class on his own with no other assistance, and so he joined the best acting class he could find in Antarctica.

Eventually, his discography lost most of his last fans, and crumbled into the dustbin of obscurity, where only a few select "die hard" fans gather together and listen to his records.

Actordom, 2000-2010
He went to the best acting class in Antarctica, and quickly graduated to an even better acting class overseas in the same year, and by the end of the year, he was ready to be placed in the audition room. He passed the test quickly along with 10 other students, and finally had become an actor. His debut appearance was in 2001, where he starred in an action film as a police agent, who assists a detective. This film was quite popular (especially with his "die hard" fans) even though almost nobody mentioned his role in the reviews, and he was invited by the same studio, which was new, to star in another film. He accepted, and this time it was an action and sci-fi film, where he starred as a mastermind scrub (the producers wanted to have a jab at his failed music career) who tries to trap the two protagonists using a kind of alien sci-fi machine, but falls into his own trap and gets launched into space. This film was more successful than the film where he made his debut appearance, so they had to make a sequel.

This time, the sequel had the mastermind scrub return to Club Penguin and wreak havoc everywhere he can set his flippers on, but eventually he is sucked into a portal he made and is never seen again. This sequel was popular too, but not as popular since it lost a kind of "epic" element that was in the first film. As penguins loved the new series, the production studios decided that "we simply must make a sequel!", and hired Robert again for the third film, which focused more on espionage. In this film, the mastermind scrub (Robert's role, as usual) had managed to escape from his prison, and then murder one of his evil accomplices still in Club Penguin, but a plot twist at the end shows that the murder was fake because he pretended to be the accomplice to fool the police into a wild goose chase, so he could sneak into the EPF HQ when everybody was out searching for major clues and steal their latest invention - an immortality machine. However, the immortality machine was fake, and in a battle he gets thrown to the side and into Gary's immortality machine, which was actually a teleportation machine. It seems like he is about to teleport, but as it isn't working properly, nothing happens and he decides to reform to the good (this was Robert's suggestion, as he was getting tired of being a scrub).

Robert's adaptation to the script at the end of the third film very nearly got him fired as the scriptwriters and producers didn't like it, but reconsideration told them that Robert was how they got successful, so just as he was about to resign from his position for good, they called him back and accepted the proposal, and even allowed him to write the plot for the next film. He agreed, and so he had another film made. Again, this was another espionage film with the former mastermind scrub teaming up with the protagonists of the last three films, to solve a mystery in a (fictional) country. Although this had good reviews like all the others, the success of the films he starred in began to dwindle, meaning that less and less profits were made. Anxious, he co-wrote the next script with one of the former scriptwriters, and so the company produced a film about the three penguins going on a space exploration to stop invading alien creatures from attacking the planet. Unfortunately, this was an unwise step, as many reviewers said that the plot was "ludicrously silly, in polite terms" and the company made less and less profit.

Robert became increasingly annoyed about how foolhardy the scriptwriter was, but he entrusted the next film script-writing-job to the scriptwriter entirely anyway, as he had decided to go and sign some autographs for his fans for a week or two, as he put it, in another part of the country. When he came back, he found the script ready, and so began practicing. This time, the plot was about a chef solving mysteries in his own restaurant - in short, the last film was the end of the "scrub mastermind" series, as it was privately called in the studios. He found that, in order to accomplish his role, he had to practice cutting onions like a pro. Subsequently, in a famous scene in his life, he bought five packets of five onions each (5 x 5 = 25 onions), and he patiently cut each one on a chopping board whilst reciting his lines. However, by the time be finished, he found he had made approx. 1.5 tons of cut onions. Not knowing what to do with them, he sent 0.75 tons absent-mindedly to the Pizza Parlour, pickled, as a gift.

The Pizza Parlour was in need of a new pizza, and when they tasted the onions, they came up with the HotHot Pizza. Grateful to Winston to having supplied them with new ideas, they invited him to work at the parlour. Meanwhile, Robert became increasingly at odds with the crew, and was wanting a change of scene. Overjoyed when he received the invitation, as soon as they had released the movie he left actordom for good, to begin his new life as a chef. No matter how hard the film studios protested for him to stay, he left with no intention of coming back. Very soon, the film studio, with nobody satisfying enough to replace his role, lost the last of its profits, and disbanded.

Chefdom (2010-present)
Winston quickly got a job at the Pizza Parlour, and got acquainted with the previous chefs, who were the Chef and WalrusWithAnOverlyLongTitleThatNeverEnds (WWAOLTTNE). At first, the aforementioned chefs gave him as much respect as if he was a most respected scholar who had decided to visit their humble pizza parlour, but by the next week, they were beginning to have relaxed conversations, and by the second week, they were all intimate friends. At first, his new job was to mop the floors of the parlour, but then WWAOLTTNE took over this task, and so Robert's duty was to make the toppings (based on the manager's judgment of his excellent onion pickle) and then place them onto the pizzas. Unfortunately for him, the company and the rest of the staff, he was, and is, horrible at cooking anything other than pickle. He burnt the squid, the seaweed dried, the cheese melted, and he spilt the sauces. It was worse in Candytron 3000-mode, for he dropped the marshmallows and melted everything else. Because of this, the Chef and WWAOLTTNE had to help him make the toppings properly.

Eventually, Winston was given recipes for the toppings, and this satisfied everybody because nobody had to go and assist him as soon as the smell of burning came wafting through to the management desk, and less food was wasted. Some weeks later, the deliverypenguin Motorbike Fred joined the team. At first, he was proud and rude because he thought he was better than the other staff, but when Ghostlia began to put in orders for pizza deliveries, Fred became paranoid that the Ghostlian Mayor, Jetpack, would recognize him as one of the anti-Ghostlians during the First Nation War. Robert brought him back to his senses (e.g. not proud and rude) by going to deliver the pizza himself. Today, he is still a hardworking pizza-topping-maker, which he enjoys better than any other job he has had.

Involvement
Robert no longer has a very active role in Club Penguinian society, but he does make toppings for the pizzas, and occasionally goes to deliver them as well. These deliveries are usually to Ghostlia, which he, unusually, supports, and so, instead of sending out Motorbike Fred to do it, he does it so Fred doesn't get a bad reputation. In the past, he was more active because he was either a singer, or he was a successful actor. He doesn't bother himself with the news or any current events, which contributes to his inactivity in society.

Anecdotes
Apart from the "onion chopping" incident that got him his current job, Robert's admirers somehow discover other anecdotes about him, which are usually quite humourous. The most popular of these are -


 * One time, or so he and the Pizza Parlour staff says, he got carried away and made four tons of onion pickle. The parlour only needed one and a half tons at the most, meaning that two and a half was completely excessive. The manager told him to go and eat what he made, and so he gave the half-ton to his friend the Chef, another half-ton to WalrusWithAnOverlyLongTitleThatNeverEnds and ate the rest (three tons) himself, in one day (a superpenguin feat, but he did it). Penguins say that the next day, when he went in to work, the amount of onion pickle he digested meant his feather colour changed to the colour it is now - dark green.


 * He once found a random block of gold on the street. Taking this as a lucky sign, he decided to visit a fortune teller to see if he would get any more windfalls like that, such as winning the lottery. The fortune teller he went to was a question-and-answer fortune teller, and as he answered every question he went redder and redder because he was getting embarrassed and the signs were increasingly getting bad for his future, but otherwise everything was going well. However, nearing the end of the meeting, he decided to ask the fortune teller what he thought he looked like. The fortune teller then replied that, when compared to something other than a penguin, he looked like a "fat Raccoon Puffle". This made Robert get embarrassed so much, he became flustered, went a deep red and was unable to answer the last question.


 * He came back to his igloo in a good mood, and decided to make fried rice and noodles for his dinner. He then bought some sesame seed-oil and some sugar (he doesn't eat sugar) for this purpose. Unfortunately, this didn't go down well - he overcooked the noodles, he forgot to switch on the rice cooker, and he found that, unlike his expert onion-chopping, he couldn't cut carrots properly. He was able to fry it decently, though. When he dished it out and tried it, however, he felt something was missing. When he finished, he supposedly said - "Very nice, but it's lacking something." He then turned round and saw the unopened jars of sesame seed-oil and sugar.

Others which aren't as popular, but are funny all-the-same are -


 * One autumn's day, he decided to change the wallpaper in his house. Amateurishly tearing off the current 'paper, he then brought in ten pieces of wallpaper, which were very long, but not very wide. Once the paper was all torn off the wall, he then stuck on one sheet. Stepping back, to the amusement of his fans, he is supposed to have said - "Right, I need eight rolls of wallpaper. I've just done one, so that means that I've done 1/7." This means that Robert is horrible at mathematics. When asked if this is true, he becomes slightly red, but denies the claim.


 * Once, he took an actor-friend of his to go and see his uncle, high in the snowy hills. When he got there, however, he found that his uncle had started a small farm (how can a farm work in snow...?), and was busily planting growing foodstuff. Unfortunately, Robert's actor-friend boasted that his parents owned a farm and he worked often on it, which lead to his uncle telling them that if his friend was so good at farming, maybe they could go and plant the foodstuff themselves. This led to them spending the rest of the afternoon working, and when it was time for them to leave, Robert angrily threw his sunglasses at a sign showing the path down the mountain, and drove off in his car without waiting for his actor-friend to get in.


 * His actor-friend invited him for a dinner out at an excellent pizza store he knew, and Robert accepted (even though he works in a pizza store, but whatever). The staff knew that he was coming, and when he arrived, the staff had placed a vase of flowers on the table they had booked - more accurately, a vase of hidden cameras. They soon leaked embarrassing footage of Robert having problems eating a cheese pizza, and the actor-friend nibbling away with a comically dry face, not unlike a penguin version of Mister Bean. Although this is all potentially reputation-staining, Robert himself finds this footage simply hilarious.


 * He was invited to an unofficial fan-made international singer's convention even though he hasn't been a singer in years (cuz ynaut). He accepted, and went in his best suit. He was extremely agitated, as there was a sneaking suspicious in his head that he wouldn't win the grand prize - a fragile 10-carat gold statue of a penguin's flipper holding onto a brown microphone (what...?). He became more so when the final 5 runner-ups were selected - DJ Crow and Gary the Gaget Dude amongst them - and one can imagine his shock when he was selected as the winner of the grand prize. He was given it cautiously, and he was so excited, as he was running down the staircase to the podium, he tripped up and dropped it. Seeing how DJ Crow, Gary the Gaget Dude, Robert Winston himself, etc. deny ever having gone to this convention, it is highly likely that this is a myth.

Quotes

 * (shaking) "D-d-do y-y-you have a r-r-recip-p-pie for t-t-that...?"

Emalfs

 * "Oh BRIGANDS!"
 * He says this when he finds there isn't enough ingredients to make toppings.


 * "BURNT SQUID!"
 * He says this when, even though he has the recipe, he overcooks or ruins toppings.


 * Pronounced at-hashtag-dollar-percent-roof-thingy!. He says this when he remembers he's just overcooked/burnt/ruined toppings. Sometimes, he promotes this to "*@#$%^!". The most Mabel-y of his Emalfs.
 * Pronounced at-hashtag-dollar-percent-roof-thingy!. He says this when he remembers he's just overcooked/burnt/ruined toppings. Sometimes, he promotes this to "*@#$%^!". The most Mabel-y of his Emalfs.


 * "ONION PICKLE!"
 * He says this when he's in an unusually bad mood.

Note that all his Emalfs are light.

Dialogue
(Robert and the Chef are busy doing their own things, when the Chef's phone beeps. He checks it, and then looks up.) Chef: Robert, I got a message from the manager that he wants you to boil the squid in custard. You can do it, right? (Robert begins to shake.) Robert: D-d-do y-y-you have a r-r-recip-p-pie for t-t-that...?

-

(Robert is busy making toppings for the pizzas.) WWAOLTTNE: Hey Robert, 'want a chat with us? Robert: Sure! (Robert leaves his place. He and the rest of the staff are happily chatting away, when suddenly...) Robert: Hey, isn't that a burning smell? Oh *@#$%^! (Remembering he was cooking toppings, he runs back into the room, which is, by now, a sorry sight. He splashes water over the burning squid.) Robert: OH, BURNT SQUID! @#$%^!

-

(Robert is in an awful mood, because Waiting Walter is late. Nothing to do with him, but he's annoyed anyway. He's mopping the floor, mumbling angrily to himself, when a tourist waddles up to him.) Tourist: Ezcuze me, zir, but may ai hev your reccomennded pizza, plez? (Robert turns angrily onto him. The tourist senses something, and cowers slightly.) Robert: DON'T ASK ME TO ORDER IT! ASK WAITING WALTER OR SOMEBODY, ONION PICKLE! (The tourist stands, shocked. Robert throws his mop down and sulks in front of the toppings desk, the part where everybody can see him. Waiting Walter waddles in, at last.) Walter: Ta dum ta dummy ta dee Hullo, Robert! Sorry I'm late! I couldn't resist it - as they say back in my Finland, "Sauna päivässä pitää lääkärin irti." Actually, I made that up, but okay. Anything I missed? Robert: IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME, YOU ONION PICKLE! (Shocked, Walter stands there, as Robert storms, mumbling, into the toppings-cooking room.) Walter (to the Chef, a footstep behind him): What did he eat last night?

-

(Robert is happily whistling his way to the toppings-room after a good conversation. There are the first customers. He has to make toppings, but as he enters the room...) Robert: WHAAAAAAAAAT?!? What happened to my toppings, BRIGANDS? Why is there only onion left? (There is a horrible mess, and hardly anything is left.) Robert: Where's the squid I was boiling? Where's the cheese? I'll catch the villain, sure I will! (He scours the room, and finds a mischievous chick, dozing, in the corner, covered in seaweed.) Robert: YOU BRIGAND, YOU! I'VE GOT YOU, I'VE GOT YOU! Random Chick: Zzzzzz...hey, what? I've been discovered?!? Why did I decide to sleep here?!? What the- (Robert kicks him flying, whilst throwing his onion pickle at him.) Random Chick: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Motorbike Fred is about to deliver pizzas, when he notices something...) Fred: Robert, is that a bandage I see on your flipper? Robert: It sure is. Fred: Why do you have it, though? Robert: Well, I got a cut. Firstly I waddled int- Fred: Okay, okay, you don't need to go into detail. How long has it been on? Robert: Three days now, but I think I can peel it off now. Fred: You had better. I'm sorry to say, but you look a bit creepy with that on. (Robert slowly peels it off...) Fred: Can I see...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (Screaming, he runs outside with the pizzas, starts the engine, and drives off.) Robert: Hey, what's the big deal? It's alright now, it just looks a bit freaky because my flipper's pale with the lack of sunshine...

Trivia

 * When he isn't working in the kitchen, he goes around with a mop.
 * He likes PETF, but as he has to deal with dried squid toppings everyday, he feels that he can't join as he considers squid a kind of fish.
 * His Totally Unofficial Nickname (TUN, something the Pizza Parlour staff thought up) is "Mouth Winner" - a reference to his delicious onion pickle.
 * He gets fiercely angry when things aren't going his way.
 * When he was an actor, the studios gave him a free car.
 * Unfortunately, whenever he is driving, he always bumps into Car Czar MobileShroom.


 * Ghostlia is considering giving Winston a Ghostlian Passport because of his "loyalty" (e.g. delivering pizzas to them), but luckily, they haven't decided yet, or else poor Winston would get, once receiving the passport, bucketfulls of shame and embarrassment.
 * Donal Tenorio has tried to fire Winston and Waiting Walter, many times.
 * Winston always angrily approaches the real manager, and sues him for 10,000 coins for letting a jerk be part-time boss.