Agents of PSA: Ruby's Ruby

Prologue
"My name's Jacques Hammer. I was working late in my office tonight, and just as well because a storm was brewing outside. Slow jazz music was playing in my head to help ease the mundane task of organizing my desk when the door opened. Stepping inside I could already tell was a strapping young- oh god not this again..."

"You know you're saying that aloud, right?"

"'Yes, I know,' I said to Ruby, the lady in red who had come to visit me one again. I immediately presumed it was about her missing ruby and told her to check in the safe agai-"

"I checked in the safe already," Ruby says, "I'm just here to call off the case. I have the PSA on it now."

"'Good', I said, 'I don't want any more part in these wild goose chases you keep sending me on, especially when you won't pay a single bill,' I said again."

"You'll get your money eventually, don't fret."

"She walked away towards the door in a huff, clearly displeased with me, before she turned around and said something," Jacques narrates aloud.

"I just hope Tenor's gang doesn't get involved..."

"I perked up immediately at the statement," Jacques pauses to perk up, "Tenor's gang. One of the most infamous crime gangs on the island. If I could get a chance to take him down for good, it might be worth putting up with-"

"ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?" Ruby yells.

"I'm coming."

Part 1
When Ruby and Jacques arrive, they find the PSA team outside of her mansion, looking none too pleased.

"Oh my, have you found my ruby already?" Ruby asks them.

"Unfortunately yes, we have, Ms. Ruby" Isai answers, "Let me show you where we found it."

He leads her inside. Ruby starts out giddy at the prospect of getting her gem back, but her mood quickly drops when she realizes where she's being led.

"No... It's not possible, it can't be..." She mutters to herself as Isai pulls back a picture on the first floor and opens the safe, reading the combination off a tiny piece of paper.

"I'm afraid it is so," He says, handing it back to her, "Ms. Ruby, is there something wrong with you? This is the third, maybe even fourth, time you've left your ruby in this same safe. I know you're getting to be an old woman and it might be time to see a doctor."

Ms. Ruby just stands there holding the ruby, flabbergasted.

"And another thing, everyone knows where that safe is thanks to the play. I'd recommend you locate it somewhere new unless you want it go actually go missing."

"But-"

"Anyway, if you have any more intel on Tenor's crime gang, we'd be happy to know," He says before tipping his hat at her and leaving. Isai leaves the mansion and teleports back to HQ with the rest of the team.

...

"It's been a good few hours since those PSA suits left the premises, Jacques muses aloud once again," Jacques muses aloud once again, "Those smug little government goons. People like them make me sick. I don't know why, but they do. Anyway I haven't gotten a single lead on Tenor's gang tonight. It's been real quiet around here... too quiet."

"Suddenly I hear a shrill scream coming from Ruby's mansion. I rush over, secretly not wanting to miss what's happening to her but at the same time internally condemning myself for saying that." He opens the front door to the mansion. "I opened the front doors and say Ms. Ruby lying on the couch in despair. I walked up to her and asked her what happened."

"My Ruby! It's gone again!" She pulls out her phone.

"The damsel pulls out her phone, to call the PSA no doubt. But before she can, I smack it out of her flipper."

"Wait, you're going to do what now-" Jacques smacks the phone out of her grip.

"I then took the combination from under the flower base as usual and used it to open the safe and sure enough, there it was."

It wasn't there.

"...Suspecting it wouldn't be there, I quickly picked up the phone and called the PSA," which he proceeds to do, much to Ruby's annoyance.

...

"So it really is gone."

Isai closes the safe and scratches his head. "G, T, got any ideas?"

"We came up with a few from clues and deductions. First of all, it has to be someone who knows the code since while Ruby wasn't, the safe should've been and quickly closed again. Second, the perpetrator and the safe opening didn't show up on any security cameras. Third, we know Ruby lives in a neighborhood with a higher than average crime rate, mostly caused by an infamous gang," Gary says.

"So the culprit is either a ninja or using stolen PSA stealth tech. The former wouldn't be surprising since we just dealt with terrorist ninjas late last month, but they wouldn't have any way to conceal the act of opening the safe," Agent T continues.

"Which means the latter explanation is more likely. We'll send a few agents back to HQ to take inventory, review security feeds, and check in with the director for any missing equipment. As for the culprit, if we can find out what exactly they used, we can remotely deactivate it, but if you can find out who they are first, we can get this mission done even faster," G finishes.

"Or maybe it was a ghost."

"Shut up, Rookie."

"Okay..."

"Anyway, it's getting late so positions should be assigned. T, Isai, PSA, you're in charge of being watchmen for the night. Do proper rotations so two of you patrol at a time while one sleeps. Sleep is very important. Rookie, JPG, Dot, you will return to HQ and do as I said. Both of you, send any evidence to me in the gadget room where I'll be reviewing everything over and trying to narrow down a culprit and the location of the ruby," Gary says and teleports back to HQ using his spy phone. JPG, Rookie, and Dot quickly follow suit.

"Okay, so which two of us are patrolling first?" Agent T asks.

"Well, I'm pretty tired, I've been working late the past few-"

"123NOTIT" Isai spouts out, interrupting PSA.

"Just for that you're on patrol."

"God grub it!"

Meanwhile at HQ, Dot walks up to a wardrobe locked with a number keypad. She enters "1108" and it opens up to reveal a ton of disguises. She looks through the wardrobe to see if there's anything missing. Once she sees nothing is, she closes it and locks it again before leaving to a storage room. Jet Pack Guy starts to follow her there but stops when he notices Rookie didn't follow and is just staring at the keypad.

"Rookie, what are you doing?"

"I dunno, just looking. I always thought there was something more to this wardrobe than just a disguise closet."

"Rookie, leave it."

"But Jet Pack Guy, haven't you always wondered if there's something more there? Like a secret code that unlocks something huge?"

"Rookie, that's ridiculous-"

"The Director would never know."

"..."

Immediately the two of them begin inputting a few random numbers, but quickly get notified they will get locked out in three more tries.

"Jet Pack Guy, don't worry, I got this. One thousand!" He inputs "1000". It's wrong. Two tries left.

"Rookie, stop, this isn't going to work, let's just-"

"Two thousand!" He inputs "2000". It's wrong. One try left.

"Rookie, seriously stop! You're going to get us locked out!"

"THREE-"

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!"

A panel on the wall slides back to reveal a screen with the Director on it.

"Director! We were just-"

"What I did I tell you about playing with equipment?"

"Not to do it, but we just-"

"No buts. No playing with equipment. Especially the wardrobe. That thing was very expensive and I'm not made of money."

Rookie sighs. "We understand, Director."

"Good. Expect an immediate demotion should you ever try that again," The Director says. The screen turns off and the panel slides back over it. Jet Pack Guy leaves to take inventory, but Rookie stays behind. He tries finishing his code but the panel slides open again just a tiny bit. He leaves and follows JPG.

Agent T and PSA patrol the mansion while Isai tries to sleep.

"You sure you want to sleep last? You're a busy guy, you know?"

"I've gone longer without."

As they talk to pass the time, they search for the ruby as well as patrol. They even search in the safe multiple times, going as far as to feel around in it for any clue at all. They find nothing. At one point PSA manages to find a hidden crawlspace but when he inspects it there's no sign of the ruby as well as nothing to indicate anyone could have used it to escape with the ruby, as he found it's coated in dusty cobwebs. Not only that but he saw a few of them with dead spiders too. At one point near the end of the shift Agent T notices Jacques talked to what looks like a gang member out of the window. He quickly goes to wake up Isai only to realize he's not where he left him. A few minutes later and he finally finds him sleeping like a baby in Ruby's bedroom. Ruby herself is reading a book in a chair off to the side, looking displeased. Agent T slaps him awake.

"Oww! What was that for?!"

"Get up, nap time's over."

"You could've just asked."

"I would if you would behave like an adult for five seconds," he says as he tosses Isai his flashlight and runs out the front doors. He soon arrives on the conversation, flashing his badge.

"Agent T, PSA. What's going on here?"

The gang member just laughs.

"Wow, what a reunion. First we got the nutcase that likes to call himself a detective, and now an agent past his prime while in his prime!" He says, chortling.

"Watch your mouth, I'm just as capable of taking punks like you down if I need to with the PSA as I could then."

"Yeah, I'll see it when I believe it. Face it, T, the PSA ruined you. Haven't caught a single real criminal since you passed the test," The member says, getting closer, "You know the boss actually used to lose sleeping worrying about when you'd be coming for him. Now he dozes better than your co-worker."

Agent T gets noticeably more angry.

"I watched the two have their overly dramatic conversation in silence, except not quite in silence because they can both hear me," Jacques monologues.

"Tenor has no reason not to keep losing sleep over me."

"Oh really? What's it been now, six years? Six years since you promised him you'd shut down him and his entire organization. And here we are today, and you don't have a single incriminating peace of evidence against him. Not even proof of a tax evasion. You don't even know what our current operation is. For all you know we could just be making pizzas! Face it, it's not happening. Just like McFlapp over there who hasn't solved a real case since that play came out. I wonder how he felt like during his very own fifteen minutes of fame, not knowing those fifteen minutes would be the height of his entire career."

"I greatly resented his insult, but deep down knew it was true."

"Not a single piece of evidence huh? Well how about this for evidence: I know you scumbags stole the ruby using stolen PSA equipment and I'm going to prove it."

The gangster yawns. "Yeah, that's real scary. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta head off. I don't have any more time to waste on wash-outs-"

Agent T pins the gangster to the wall and punches him repeatedly in the stomach. He tries to flail his arms and kick back but Agent T just pins him to the ground, locking the gangster's feet under one of his and delivering blow after blow to his head. Hammer intervenes by trying to hold back Agent T.

"The agent had gone mad! I tried to stop him by holding him back until he came to his senses. Unfortunately, my efforts seemed useless, as he looked just about ready to flip me. Wait, what-" As predicted, T grabs Hammer's arms and throws him over his head, making him land on the hard pavement on his back.

"OHHH MY BACK! ...I SAID IN AGONY!"

Just then, T gets a call on his spy phone. He takes something from the bruised gangster's pocket and gets off the him, letting him run for his life. Dot's on the other end, and he answers the call. Meanwhile, Hammer slips away back to the mansion talking to himself as usual.

"Hey Dot. What's the status on the inventory?"

"Nothing seems to have been stolen," Dot reports. "How have things been on your end?"

"Well I ducked out for a bit to examine the mansion's exterior (yeah that's it...) but from what I've seen we have nothing so far. What about Gary? Has he had one of his lightbulb moments yet?"

"No, unfortunately. He did tell us after we arrived to return to the mansion when we're done though, so maybe he has something after all."

"Hey, we can just mark this case as 'unfinished' if he doesn't."

Dot chuckles at the statement. "Alright, see you there," She says before hanging up. Sure enough a few minutes later, the agents reconvene at the mansion along with Jacques and Ms. Ruby.

"So it couldn't have been a ninja, or anyone using PSA stealth gear, or even a petty thief. Anyone have any other ideas?" PSA asks.

"Well, there is my Doorman Dom if you want a suspect, but I've been t-"

"Like I said, can't be a petty thief. Sorry, Ms. Ruby."

"Whatever happened to Mr. Ruby anyway?" Rookie asks.

"She doesn't like to talk about it," JPG answers.

PSA manages to pick up on some of Jacques's usual self-narration, but notices something from the safe. He waddles over and is astonished by what he sees.

"What if the security footage was tampered with?" Dot suggests.

"Gary already tried that. Nothing to suggest it was." JPG responds.

"Guys-"

"What if that new so-called superhero Shadow Guy sneaked in, turned it into a shadow, and slipped out?" Agent T suggests.

"I personally met Shadow Guy. He'd never do such a thing. Besides, his case file only mentions taking objects' shadows, not converting them." Gary says.

"Guys!-"

"And how do we know this case file of yours is right?" Isai blurts.

"Oh, will we never solve this blasted mystery?!" Ruby says, starting to panic.

"I assured the damsel that there was nothing to worry about and everything would turn out alright. Except when it didn't. Which it usually did."

"GUYS-"

"What if the real ruby was the friends we made along the way?" Rookie ponders.

"I FOUND THE RUBY!!!" PSA explodes.

Everyone falls silent, even Jacques, as they turn to see PSA angrily displaying the ruby without even a fingerprint sitting in the safe.

Part 2
"Well this is a peculiar turn of events." Gary muses aloud as he approaches the ruby. He takes out a magnifying glass and examines it. Meanwhile Agent T uses Ruby's phone to call Dom and ask him a few questions while Gary does this.

"Fascinating. If I'm correct, this ruby was never even touched. Perhaps this was all caused by a mass hallucination."

"No way, Gary. I felt around inside that safe multiple times," PSA says, already considerably calmer, "There's no way it was never there."

"Looks like Dom wasn't even aware it was missing. That's Doormen for you." Agent T reports.

"Maybe the detective took it!"

"Shut up Rookie, I said with great annoyance," Jacques says with great annoyance.

"Well, at least the ruby's back. Guess we can say case closed now," Dot says, relieved.

"Not quite," Ms. Ruby chimes in. Everyone groans.

"What is it now, Ruby?"

"Don't give me that attitude, Isai. After all, you interrupted me when I tried telling you. The mission was less about actually finding the ruby and more about looking for how it went missing in the first place so this can stop happening. I'm not letting you leave until you find out how it's been going missing or who's been taking it."

"I don't understand. We found your ruby, it's safely back here in your, well, safe. What's the problem?"

"What's the problem? The problem is that I haven't hidden it in that safe for years!

"Excuse me?" JPG says.

"Ever since that play went live I knew I couldn't hide it in that safe anymore. I'd attract every criminal in Antarctica trying to get an easy million. I had just dropped it into my musty old crawl space and would let the security system do the rest if anyone I was unaware of so much as even laid a flipper on it."

"As I suspected from the very beginning, I thought to myself," Jacques says.

"You never even knew it was there." PSA states.

"Said the agent. I paid no attention to him. You always have to deal with skeptics in my line of work, though I never suspected those stiff-collared agents would act so unprofessionally."

"Well, if we watch it long enough, eventually we'll see something happen."

"Shut up-" Isai starts, "...Actually I'm willing to use any idea at this point."

"Agreed," Gary says, "Perhaps this will finally yield a solution to our problem."

"The ruby was back in its proper place, and so my job was finished. I briefly considered taking the ruby as payment but that's not my style. I would leave the paperwork to the PSA and began to head back to my office," Jacques says as he leaves, his voice trailing off.

The PSA agents and Ruby intensely watch the ruby for anything to happen. After a few minutes they start getting bored and try telling jokes to one another. Then it becomes a contest to see whether Agent T or Jet Pack Guy would start laughing first. They don't finish this contest until they're interrupted by...

"Hey G, why is the ruby glowing?" Rookie questions. The ruby is indeed growing red. It also begins to levitate and vibrate intensely. Gary gasps, runs at the ruby, and grabs it. He's just in time as right afterwards they're both enveloped in a semi-transparent tomato-red box with two white arrows in the middle circling around each other that just as quickly closes in on itself, leaving nothing behind.

"GARY, NO!"

They rest of the team frantically look for any trace of Gary and the ruby. They don't search long before Dot gets a call on her spy phone. She answers it and when she hears who it is, she puts it on speaker by pressing the dial on the side inward.

"Hello, agents," Gary says on the other end.

"Gary! Thank goodness you're not dead!"

"Yep, I'm very much alive. I've got good news and bad news too. The good news is I still have the ruby."

"Excellent, G. Now teleport back to us." Jet Pack Guy asks

"I already tried that. It seems to have at best temporarily disabled the feature on my phone."

"Alright then, where are you?"

"That's the bad news... I don't have exact coordinates or even a good location, but I've got a name."

After telling them all they need to know, Gary hangs up the phone and puts it in his coat pocket.

Holding the ruby, Gary waits in the blistering heat as tall, dried grasses sway in the wind. He reads the sign there again, hoping it would change. It stays the same, as if to mock him and his predicament.

"Welcome to Pen Chi Island" it says.

The remaining PSA agents have cramped themselves into the Ballistic Biscuit and are now jetting towards Pen Chi Island. JPG drives while Dot reads the map. Isai is just trying his best not to get seasick.

"So who was Pen Chi anyway?" Rookie asks.

"Well, from some old articles I pieced together that was the ninja Sensei from 1890 to 1914. In fact, he was the last Sensei before Khanzem, where he was slaughtered with the rest of the ninjas," Agent T says, delivering boring exposition.

"Wait, if the ninjas and Senseis are gone, what about our Dojo?" Rookie asks again, confused.

"Rookie, I thought you knew. Sensei isn't an authentic Sensei, he's just an enthusiast trying to keep the culture alive."

"Really? But I saw-"

"Rookie, you really want to know who Pen Chi was?" Dot asks, leaning back.

"Oh boy, do I!"

"Pen Chi was a horrible, horrible man! I'm surprised you never heard about all the scandals he was caught up in! He was rumored to abuse his own pupils and to sacrifice the ninja culture just to consolidate power and wealth for himself. The island we're going to is even rumored to be secretly a prison where he kept people he didn't like! I say good riddance to him." Dot rants.

"O-oh my, well-"

"Hold it, Dot, you got that information from historical articles, didn't you?" JPG inquires.

"Yeah, so?"

"Well I looked at the facts and Pen Chi was really a great Sensei who made the ninjas more wealthy and powerful than ever before. He only kept the worst of the worst criminals in the prison, and that's assuming the "rumors" are true, and he died tragically yet heroically defending the other ninjas from Khanzem soldiers."

"If he made the ninjas as a whole such a powerful faction, then how come it was during this time they experienced their final defeat? Besides, where did you get these 'facts' of yours anyway?" Dot rebuts.

"I'll have you know-"

"Guys, stop it!" Agent T butts in, "Let's just say he's controversial, alright? Jet Pack Guy should really be focusing on steering anyway," The two begrudgingly stop their debate.

"Speaking of which, we're coming up on the island now!" PSA exclaims, pointing to it in the horizon.

"Nice! And we made it without Isai even getting sick!" Dot says. Isai proceeds to get sick off the side of the boat.

"Nice, Isai, I almost had faith in you for a moment there."

They soon reach the shore of the island and call out for Gary. When nobody comes, they begin to fear he's not there anymore. Sure enough, their fears are confirmed by another phone call.

"Gary, where are you now?" PSA asks him over the phone, "And how did you teleport again?"

"I'm not quite sure how it happened. One moment I thought about how desperately I wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere but the island, and now I'm on some kind of mountain, and it's freezing up here!"

PSA puts the phone on speaker so everyone else can hear their conversation.

"Can you repeat that?" He does. "Okay, if it reacted to your thoughts like that then that must mean somehow it can be controlled.

"Gadzooks, you're right! Why hadn't I thought of that before?"

"Probably because you were trying not to freeze to death," Agent T suggests.

"Imagine what a monumental discovery is! Imagine the technology we can make from this!"

"...Don't we already have teleporters in our phones?" Rookie pipes in.

"Good point, but they can't transport us between islands!"

"I don't know Gary. If you ask me, the potential harm this thing can do outweighs the potential good. I say we keep it locked up, at least until we figure out what to do with it."

"Very well, but first, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN TO GET ME OUT OF HERE?"

"Alright, listen carefully."