Woes of the Fashion Police

Self-appointed to right a wrong that does not exist, dressed loosely and chewing bubble gum, baring no respect to males or females and always ready to make fun of someone, the Fashion Police are endlessly up to no good.

Tale One: Pulled Over
Yulissa was driving home for the holidays, bound for Mattress Village. Like all the female creatures that grew up in that town, she seemed to have this obsession with dressing modestly. A plain white blouse with a collar all the way up to the neckline, a plaid skirt that reached the floor, and black dress shoes rounded out the humble penguin's wardrobe. With her light brown hair in a ponytail and thin red glasses, she seemed to resemble a young librarian without a love life.

Yulissa turned off the Highway and onto the two-lane backroads that would lead her to her home. She smiled slightly, thinking of all her friends and family, as her eyes turned to the silver bracelet on her flipper. It was a gift from her late husband, who gave it to her on their twentieth wedding anniversary, two years ago. Such was her simple life. She contemplated her inner thoughts peacefully as she looked to the dim sky, hidden behind the immense taigas. All was calm, all was well, just as it should be near Christmas.

Her thoughts, though, were interrupted by the familiar wailing of a police siren!

"Friggin' mash potatoes!" Yulissa scolded to herself, cringing angrily at the realization that she'd used such vulgar language. Still, no one should ever challenge their authorities. That was what Yulissa learned. Sighing, she pulled over and rolled down the windows of her car.

A flashy puffle with too much makeup greeted her. She had a smug look on her face and was loudly chewing bubble gum, which she occasionally blew in a bubble before popping it and re-consuming it, like a Moo Penguin with cud.

"May I help you, officer?" Yulissa commented uneasily, looking the puffle over. She was horribly immodest and her clothes practically burnt her eyes, at least by her moralite mindset.

"Yeah, you sure can, girl," the glamorous puffle replied. "Fashion Police. We're, like, placing you under arrest and stuff. License and registration please."

"Golly," Yulissa replied gullibly, quickly collecting her credentials from the glovebox. "I don't kn-" But at the realization of this false authority, the penguin paused and snatched back her items. "You're not a police force!"

"Uh, yah, we are. We enforce the laws and stuff. The laws of fashion, and you... girl, you're awful!"

Yulissa cocked one eyebrow and frowned deeply.

"I mean, just look at that getup!"

Two other puffles came out of the pink car and gathered around Yulissa, who had stepped out of the vehicle. "Yeeaaaaaaahh!" they echoed.

The puffles circled around her and began to mock.

"Ick, did you just crawl out of the 1930s or something?"

"Eww, long skirts are so out. Show some feathers, honey; short skirts are IN this season! Are you, like getting all of this?"

Another puffle nodded as she inputted the text into a cell phone with unrealistic speed.

"You are charged with a boring shirt, skirt too long, stupid nerd glasses, overly modest, tacky color, mismatching socks- honestly -no intent to wear contacts, and PLAID! Gross!"

"Yyeeeeeeaaaaahh!" the others responded.

"Now get in the car," the first puffle said. "We're totally taking you down town!"

"Yeeeeeaaahhhh!!"

Yulissa simply crossed her arms. "I won't go."

"What did you say, dorkface?"

"I won't go and I won't do it."

"Well, there's two paths. You can voluntarily go with us and we'll give you a fab makeover, or we'll totally lock you up in a room until you agree!"

"Yeeeeeeaaah!"

"You are a disgrace to law enforcement everywhere," Yulissa replied.

"Yeee-"

"You don't agree with the uglies!" the puffle yelped to the small crowd behind her."

"Sorry," the group echoed.Yulissa crossed her flippers and turned away. The puffles were going to grab her within a few minutes. She had but one option, and it conflicted with her very morals. However, if she wanted to stop this tyranny and go home for the holidays, it was this, or Christmas on ransom.

Thoughtlessly, Yulissa jumped back into her car and threw the shift into drive. The tires cut the pavement with a loud screech as she sped off into the forest. She was making good time, but the familiar sound of sirens stopped her again. Sighing, she pulled over, but she was relieved to see a real cop talk to her. He was tall and also chubby, wearing a brown shirt and a belt, with a flat-brimmed hat, like that of a highway patrolman. That's probably because he actually was.

"Miss, I'm gone need ta see yer license n' regee-stray-shun. You was speedin' fifty six on the double nickel. This road don't get much travelin', but it's mah job to enforce the laaww."

Yulissa nodded. "I apologize for my transgression. Officer, can you help me with something?"

"Well, sure, for a purty thang like you, I'd be honored."

"I was stopped earlier on this same road."

"So?"

"It wasn't by real police."

The officer gulped. "Did... was them fakers... puffles?"

"Yes, officer. How did you know?"

"The thang is, I got pulled over be 'em as well. Mocked my shirt, they did. Screamed and run away when I showed 'em mah badge. Couldn't arrest them in time, unfortunately."

"Gee, they're a problem..."

"Yup. They've been a-stalkin' these parts fer several months now. Always mockin' upstandin' girls like yerself. Ya do look great today."

Yulissa blushed slightly and pushed up her glasses. "Thank you."

"I'll tell ya what. It's Christmas time, ya know, so I'll let ya'll off with a warnin'. Them Fash-um Poe-leece get to folks' heads. Make 'em do thangs they don't normally do. You had ta flee, and for that, ya'll won't be convicted."

"Thank you officer, that means a lot."

"S'all-right. Now, run along. You gots a family to go see! Don't worry 'bout them impostuhs, we'll be on the lookout! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas!"

Yulissa drove off, as the police officer logged yet another Fashion Police stop.

Tale Two: I HATE THE FASHION POH-LEECE
It was a fine day for Becky, who was going for a leisurely walk until the you-know-what showed up.

"Uh, may I NOT help you officers?" Becky yelled.

A blue puffle covered in make-up approached Becky and flipper-cuffed her. "Young lady, you are so under-arrested for having such an ugly face!" the blue puffle yelled rudely.

"What?! Hey, you can't do that, I work hard to make my face pretty!" Becky yelled back, squirming.

"LIAR, you work hard to make it pretty and then in the morning you look ugggggly!" a second puffle, coming from nowhere, replied.

"Okay, you little creeps, who are you?!" Becky yelled as she somehow uncuffed herself and tossed the cuffs at a green puffle.

"The Fashion Police! Duh!"

"Byeee!" Becky hissed, picking up the pace and rubbing the spots on her flippers where the cuffs had been. When she got there, she sat down on her queen sized bed and sighed loudly. "I HATE THE FASHION POH-LEECE," she complained loudly to nobody in particular. She rolled over, noticing a piece of paper on her bedside table that wasn't there before.

''The Fashion Police: Warrant for the Arrest of Becky Amy Nivaj. Having an ugly face is punishable by makeover.''

"You've got to be kidding me," Becky grumbled, rolling over in the bed and sighing deeply.

And that's how Becky got arrested for her face.