McLacker

McLacker is a moderately intelligent penguin. He is a part of the BoF as a curer of phobias. He can also talk to puffles and boxes.

Background
McLacker was born on the Pizza Parlor roof from two puffles. He was a yellow puffle, but fell on his head and had to have brain surgery. However, just as the neurosurgeons had accessed his brain, McFlapp and Director Benny accidentally fired a Deletion Laser in a random direction. It hit McLacker, destroying most of his puffle body. The surgeons had no choice but to do a body transplant.

When McLacker woke up, he was a penguin in the middle of the Town. And so begins the life of the penguin.

Entrance to the BoF
One day, McLacker was chatting with the boxes in the Box Dimension. Somehow he accidentally found the doorway to the Bureau of Fiction's lobby, and began running around exploring the facilities. Naturally, he was discovered, and was brought to the wiping room to have his memories erased.

However, McFlapp and Director Benny again caused the exact same Deletion Laser to fire in a random direction. Before McLacker could be loaded into the memory-wiper, the machine vanished in a flash of purple light.

McLacker was spared, forced to swear to secrecy, and given a job offer to close the deal. Being a natural at curing phobias, McLacker was hired as the Bureau's psychologist and was given an office in the Box Dimension.

Pets
McLacker has many "pets" that he considers friends.


 * Brownie *Male* - A brown puffle. He likes to make sweets and runs a corner shop in McLacker's neighborhood.
 * CottonCandy *Female* - A pink puffle. She helps Brownie run his shop.
 * OrangeyOrange *Male* - An orange puffle. When left alone, he will buy cereal and only eat orange flavored pieces.
 * Pastry-doo *Male* - Actually a paffle. Commonly goes on strike for not being "paid" enough pastries.

Quotes
McLacker:

McLacker is playing with his portal device, when suddenly...

McLacker: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

* lands on Director Benny's computer*

Director Benny: AWMANYOUDESTROYEDMYLAPTOPBLAHBLAHBLAH...

* Director Benny screams*

McLacker: Uh-oh...

* McLacker falls through a crack due to an earthquake*

McLacker: All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you limes? Don't make limeade. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DERN LIMES, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LIMES BACK! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE PENGUIN THAT'S GUNNA BERN YER HAWZ DAWN! WITH THE LIMES. I'M GOING TO HAVE MAYOR MCFLAPP NARRATE A COMBUSTIBLE LIME THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!

Benny: So, is that what you want the fireball spell to be?

McLacker: Yeah... what?

* Calendar: Employee Suggestion Day*

McLacker: Introducing my latest dish: *takes lid off of tray* Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng!

* Director Benny stares at him*

Trivia

 * The only person that McLacker has failed to cure so far is Illustrator Keith.
 * McLacker has a 250 friend buddy list from a box friend.
 * McLacker remembers his early life as a puffle.
 * McLacker likes to mix up folders to annoy other employees.
 * McLacker also likes to annoy himself.
 * McLacker has been known to induce a phobia into himself, then cure it out of boredom.
 * When not curing phobias, McLacker does a lot of errands in the BoF, which usually involve moving folders and files from office to office.
 * McLacker works as a public phobia curer in his igloo if he has more spare time on his flippers than he can handle.
 * McLacker's family is unknown to all, even the BoF because that part of the file was lost. He is rumored to be a Von Injoface and/or a Lapooh.
 * McLacker sneaks into Keith's office and draws moustaches on everyone every once in a while. McLacker thinks it's funny. Sometimes he is found and kicked out of the office (by the time it happens, at least Director Benny gets a moustache).
 * McLacker somehow owns a modified prototype Teleportal (naming it a Cap-e-tured Modified Flipperheld Portal Gun), which he stole.
 * However, the device, being modified, sometimes backfires and makes a portal on McLacker's elbow. This usually happens when he eats ice cream from afar.
 * This is his theme music.
 * Nobody knows where the siren comes from (except McFlapp, but he won't reveal the source.)
 * His catchphrase is "What the helium?"
 * With a tuba, "TUUUUUUBAAAAAAAAAA".
 * McLacker man penguin  puffle ???-handled a X Virus. The result? WinXton.
 * Fred 676 refers to McLacker as a "Moschomicrotherium pufflei adeliae".
 * He is part of the CP Blackhawks.
 * McLacker is slightly crazy. Doctors, directors, and McLacker himself all claim that this is the fault of the deletion ray that struck him.
 * McLacker has 8 offenses of breaking the Peng Declaration: he named an egg salad dish "Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng Peng."
 * McLacker can speak fluent German.
 * He was forced to dance the Starrmeldansen from December 2012 to July 2013, half a year.
 * He now owns the world record for longest continuous Starrmeldansen, the previous owner being Mabel X, logging 236 hours.
 * McLacker can sometimes defy direct orders from the BoF, or sometimes even higher powers.