Rise of the Evilositian Army

✅

Prologue: And So It Begins
Elite Penguin Force Jail June 28th, 2013

Evil Pengy was sitting in his high-security cell, waiting to be released. Or rather, to formulate a plan for escape.

Evil Pengy: This is stupid. How have I not escaped yet? I haven't been in jail this long for years! I must be losing my touch or something... Or my marbles...

After spending nearly a year in prison, Evil Pengy had gone a little crazy. But not because of his confinement, it was because of his unbearably irritating cellmate, Parf the robber. He usually spent most of his time watching TV, when a movie came on that inspired Evil Pengy.

Evil Pengy: YES! That's it! Parf, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Parf: ...Whuh? Oh, I think so Evil Pengy, but I don't think time would go backwards just by resetting an alarm clock.

Evil Pengy facepalms and then slaps Parf.

Evil Pengy: No! I'll craft a dummy of myself, and then escape through the air vent.

Parf: I wanna do that too! PARF!

Evil Pengy: ...I GUESS!

Evil Pengy gets to work and crafts dummy versions of himself and Parf. He puts them in the respective cots, and then they both slip out through the air vent, and run off to his lair.

Lair of Evilosity

Warp: Suddenly I have a headache...

A loud crash is heard outside the lair.

Evil Pengy: OW!

Warp opens the door.

Warp: Oh, it's you...

Evil Pengy: Warp, what the heck is this?

Warp: Oh, I call it The Goodbye Shoe. It's designed to kick away insurance salesmen and the like.

Evil Pengy: Oh, nice. You need to fix it now by the way.

Warp: *sigh* ...Oh, who's that?

Parf waves.

Evil Pengy: Oh, this is uh, Parf. He was my cellmate.

Parf: PARF!

Warp: I see.

Evil Pengy shoves Warp aside and enters the lair.

Evil Pengy: Well, I think it's time to do something big to announce my return to the world. I'm thinking... we ban that weirdo Penghis Khan. And Mabel. I don't like her... And maybe steal an extra large pizza for dinner while we're at it.

Parf: Sounds great! PARF!

Warp: That's it?

Evil Pengy: What?

Warp: Pardon my criticism, but I don't think doing what you normally do, and do badly at that, is "something big".

Evil Pengy: What do you mean, "badly"?!

Warp: When was the last time you actually successfully banned someone?

Evil Pengy: I think it was, uh... 2010?

Warp: I rest my case.

Evil Pengy: Okay, fine. Maybe we should do something on a bigger scale this time.

Parf: Um, okay, stay with me here - what if... we steal TWO extra large pizzas!

Evil Pengy: You think too small. Three extra large pizzas!

Parf: Or how about... um... what comes after three?

Evil Pengy facepalms.

Warp: Maybe something bigger than just increasing the number on your original plan?

Evil Pengy: I GUESS! Hey, what if we destroyed that new country? Stores Island or whatever?

Warp: That would be Shops Island. And how do you plan to do that?

Evil Pengy: Simple, you're going to make me a nuke.

Warp: *sigh* The things I do around here...

Parf: Um, we're still gonna have pizza right?

Evil Pengy: Of course.

Evil Pengy picks up the phone as Warp heads into his evil lab.

Evil Pengy: I'd like to place an order for delivery...

June 29th, 2013

Evil Pengy wakes up to see a small blue penguin plush toy standing next to his bed.

Chibi Pengu: Wello!

Evil Pengy: GAAAAAAAAH!

Warp comes upstairs to see what all the commotion is.

Evil Pengy: Warp. What is this... this... THING? You know how I feel about... Mwa Mwa Penguins.

Evil Pengy shudders, recalling a previous traumatic experience involving being forced to be a Mwa Mwa's petguin.

Warp: Oh, this is Chibi Pengu. He doesn't count. It's complicated.

Evil Pengy: Well keep that freakish thing away from me or I swear I'm dropkicking it out the nearest window.

Chibi Pengu: Woo meanie!

Evil Pengy: Yes, yes I am. Deal with it. Anyway, how's nuke progress?

Warp: It's coming along, should be ready by tonight.

Evil Pengy: ...How did you make a potentially working nuke in like, a day?

Warp shrugs and gets back to work.

Evil Pengy and Parf are eating pizza in the evil kitchen.

Evil Pengy: Parf, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Parf: I think so Evil Pengy, but if there was a country made entirely out of pizza, wouldn't the ocean make it soggy?

Evil Pengy slaps Parf.

Evil Pengy: That doesn't even make sense! Anyway, I think we got scammed on the sauce. Last night the sauce to cheese ratio was pretty good, but tonight it's heavy on the cheese side.

Warp emerges from his evil lab.

Warp: So who wants to watch something blow up?

Parf: Oh boy! I love explosions! PARF!

Warp takes Evil Pengy and Parf out behind the Lair of Evilosity.

Warp: Behold, the Super Nuke of Destruction I Guess.

Evil Pengy: Your confidence in this project is overwhelming.

Warp: Now keep in mind that this is only a prototype, the real one is supposed to destroy all of Shops Island so it'll be a bit more... destructive, than this one.

Warp pushes a button and the missile launches into the distance. Evil Pengy pulls out a pair of evil binoculars to watch. The look of excitement on his face soon turns to disappointment as the missile lands in the ground and falls to pieces. Warp starts sweating as Evil Pengy puts the binoculars down.

Evil Pengy: Congratulations, you did it.

Warp: Um...?

Evil Pengy: You made the world's first disposable airplane.

Evil Pengy smacks Warp and he faceplants into the ground.

Evil Pengy: Well, since you're obviously too stupid to build proper nuclear weapons, I'll have to go to plan B. Time to send some evil e-mails!

Evil Pengy runs back into the lair, into his evil room, and turns on his evil computer to send e-mails to every villain he can think of, using a list he had previously stolen from the Walrus Crime Ring.

Hello villains,

''I'm making an army to take over Shops Island. All interested applicants must be present at the Lair of Evilosity at 3:00 tomorrow, June 30th. It's on a hill outside the Darktonian Realm, just look for the big blimp thing.''

Evil Pengy

Chapter 1: Going Out of Business
June 30th, 2013

Evil Pengy: Alright, everyone should be here soon.

Parf: Oh boy! I can't wait to meet everybody! PARF!

Evil Pengy: ...On second thought I want to make a good impression, so uh, you go see what Warp's up to in the evil lab.

Parf: Oh, alright. Let me know when they show up!

Evil Pengy: Yeah sure.

Parf leaves and the doorbell rings.

Evil Pengy: They're here! Wait, I should wait a few seconds so I don't look desperate. Okay that's probably good enough.

Evil Pengy opens the door and finds several villains standing there. Radztur, a Shopper supervillain and evil scientist, Count Candula, an eccentric candy maker attempting to take over Antarctica with cursed candies, Sir Puffley, a Puffish criminal mastermind, WATuDOIN, a rogue ninja turned mercenary, Notta Secretagent, a mysterious villain with an unknown past and motives, and Mailman X, an evil mailman.

WATuDOIN: WASSUP dude!

Evil Pengy: HELLO EVERYBODY! ...Wow. I was expecting more of you.

Radztur: Yeah, not sure if you knew this, but most villains don't really like you.

Evil Pengy: Good. Friends are for wimps. Anyway, we'll probably be fine. Hey, we even have an obligatory X-Antibody!

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: Not likely. Alright, come in and we can start planning this whole thing.

The villains follow Evil Pengy into his evil kitchen where he pulls out a very crudely drawn map of Shops Island.

Sir Puffley: I say good chap, why did you invite us all the way out here to view your depiction of a moose?

Evil Pengy: It's not a moose you dimwit! It's Shops Island!

Sir Puffley: Are you quite certain?

Radztur: Yeah, I LIVE there and I don't see it.

Evil Pengy: Look, you all are just jealous that you can't draw like me!

Mailman X:

Before he can finish his sentence, the back of Evil Pengy's flipper slams into Mailman X's face and he falls backwards onto the floor.

Count Candula: Ah, moving on...

Evil Pengy: Where was I? Oh yeah, anyway, this is Shops City, where the president lives. Uhh, I think his name was Purple?

Radztur facepalms but doesn't say anything just to see what happens.

Evil Pengy: So we take my Evil Blimp and land in Shops City, then I'll toss a Ban Bomb through the window at President Purple and then he's gone. So now we have the entire office, and we have all the official papers and stuff which basically puts us on track to become dictators of the island.

WATuDOIN: This plan is crazy dude!

Evil Pengy: TO THE EVIL BLIMP!

Radztur: This is gonna be hilarious.

Parf: Oh boy! A blimp ride! PARF!

Mailman X:

Radztur: Now I'm wondering why you would smack a penguin, before throwing him out of a blimp.

Evil Pengy: Alright, we should be in Shops City by tomorrow night.

July 1st, 2013

An SIA agent frantically runs into the room and salutes LMGT.

LMGT: Yodood.

SIA Agent: Sir! There's an evil blimp headed towards Shops City!

LMGT: How do you know it's evil?

The agent shows LMGT footage of the incoming blimp.

LMGT: Oh, that's not very subtle.

SIA Agent: Should we shoot it down?

LMGT: Ehh... sure. And hey, I'm out of donuts. Make sure to confiscate any if they have some.

SIA Agent: Yes sir!

The agent runs out of the room.

LMGT: ...I'm hungry.

LMGT instinctively starts gnawing on a clipboard for a second before realizing it's not food and leaves to get a snack.

Evil Computer: Warning, projectiles inbound.

Evil Pengy: WHAT? Warp, shoot them down!

Warp walks over to a set of controls and starts launching Vandalism Bombs at the missiles. They all miss horribly and the missiles pop the balloon.

Evil Computer: Crash imminent. You are all probably dead. Ha ha.

Parf: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

WATuDOIN: I'm out! Later dudes!

WATuDOIN breaks the window and jumps out just before the blimp crashes. Evil Pengy pulls himself out of the wreckage and coughs.

Evil Pengy: Another happy landing...

Everyone else crawls out and WATuDOIN lands with his balloon.

Warp: Perhaps I should've added a cloaking device to the blimp.

Evil Pengy: Well, back to work!

Suddenly, SIA agents surround them.

SIA Agent: Flippers up!

Sir Puffley: Er... that's going to be a bit hard for me, chap.

Evil Pengy: Phooey.

The agents detain them all and march them off to prison.

SIA Agent: Don't forget to scavenge the blimp! Director LMGT wants donuts.

Evil Pengy: Hands off my donuts, you fiends!

Radztur: You know, if I wanted to get arrested, I would've just stayed home.

Evil Pengy: I blame Parf.

Parf: What did I do?

Evil Pengy: Nothing, you're just a jinx.

Parf: Aww...

Count Candula: Luckily for you, I have planned for this contingency.

Count Candula pulls out one of his candy corn fangs and cuts open a pocket inside of his shirt. He takes out a piece of candy and rolls it across the floor towards Evil Pengy's cell.

Evil Pengy: ...What's this?

Count Candula: It's one of my cursed candies. Consume it and you will become more suitable for a breakout.

Evil Pengy: It's been on the floor, I'm not eating that.

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: You're not the boss, I'm the boss!

Sir Puffley: I say, this isn't going very well.

Chibi Pengu: I wike pie.

WATuDOIN picks up the candy and shoves it in Evil Pengy's beak, transforming him into a zombie.

Count Candula: Curses, that was the incorrect candy.

Warp: Wait, how did you get out?

WATuDOIN: I'm a ninja, duh!

Radztur: Well let us out then!

WATuDOIN: Oh yeah, sure. Uh... How do you open these?

Radztur facepalms.

Count Candula: It seems if you want anything done correctly... you must do it yourself.

Count Candula takes another piece of candy out of the pocket and eats it, transforming into a werewolf and breaking out easily, and frees the others.

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: Mehhh......

Count Candula: Well, the transformation merely amplifies your own strength, and given his, ah, larger size, I thought he would be more suited to the job.

Sir Puffley: Can you change him back?

Warp: Just my opinion, but I think he's much more pleasant this way.

Evil Pengy glares at Warp, causing him to nervously pull his shirt away from his throat.

Count Candula: The transformation only lasts for fifteen minutes. That reminds me, we should probably get going.

Warp: Alright, come on Shuffles.

Warp grabs Evil Pengy's flipper and follows behind the rest of the army. As they navigate the halls, they run into Notta Secretagent.

Sir Puffley: I say, it's our good friend Notta Secretagent! Where were you, good chap?

Notta Secretagent: I was, uh, somewhere else.

The villains continue their escape. Eventually, they get out and make a run for it.

SIA Intern: Stop! You are violating the- oh who cares I don't get paid for this.

LMGT is eating the donuts confiscated from the Evil Blimp.

LMGT: Hey, these aren't bad.

The same SIA agent from before returns.

SIA Agent: Sir! We've had a breakout at one of our facilities! It's the guys from the blimp.

LMGT: Oh. Send some doods to go search the woods and track them down I suppose.

The agent starts to leave as LMGT shoves the rest of the donuts in his mouth.

LMGT: ...by the way, I need more donuts.

Evil Pengy: Feels good to be free again. And not a zombie.

Warp: I wouldn't celebrate just yet, I'm sure the SIA is going to come looking for us.

Evil Pengy: Well if they find us, I'll greet them with a few of my Ban Bombs!

Sir Puffley: Might I ask where you're keeping them?

Evil Pengy: In my back-

At that moment, he realizes that his backpack was confiscated by the SIA and still back in the jail somewhere.

Evil Pengy: FREAKING PIZZAS! We have to go back for that!

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: What else are we supposed to use for weapons? Throw Warp's monstrosity at them?

Chibi Pengu: How wude!

Warp: Weapons aren't important right now. We need to focus on retreating and regrouping before we make another attempt at this.

Evil Pengy: ...I GUESS!

Radztur: Oh man, this is gold.

As night falls, the villains start to tire out.

Parf: How much longer are we gonna do this, Evil Pengy? My feet are killing me! PARF!

Evil Pengy: We have to... keep going... can't let them... catch up...

Evil Pengy passes out from exhaustion.

WATuDOIN: Looks like permission to sleep, dudes!

Radztur: We can't just sleep out in the open, though. That's how you get a squad of alarm clocks pointing guns at your face.

Mailman X:

Count Candula: Probably not.

Sir Puffley: I say, it appears there is a cave up ahead!

Warp: I guess we better start rolling him...

Vonkouver July 4th, 2013

Evil Pengy: Finally... Get me off this stupid island...

Warp: You know, your blimp is still crashed somewhere around Shops City.

Evil Pengy: ... LOVE OF PICKLES!

Sir Puffley: What good fortune! It seems there is a vessel ripe for us to commandeer!

Evil Pengy: What?

Warp: There's a boat we can steal.

Evil Pengy: Oh.

A penguin wearing an admiral's jacket steps off the boat and begins talking to a disinterested shipping worker.

Admiral: I'm sure you will find this catch satisfactory.

Worker: Look dude, I don't really care, I'm just here to move stuff.

The villains hide behind some crates while watching the workers unload boxes of fish. After the job is finished, they run onto the boat and hijack it.

Evil Pengy: FREEDOM!

Chapter 2: Chill Out
CIPF Headquarters, Chill Island July 7th, 2013

Prof. Prepostera: I'VE DONE IT!

Chill: Done what?

Prof. Prepostera: I've finally created a working drone! Follow me!

Chill follows Prepostera into his lab and sees a small blue robot, sitting against the wall.

Chill: It's not even turned on, how do you know it works?

Prof. Prepostera: Well, I don't. But I've got a really good feeling about this one!

Chill: You said that the last six times, and they all exploded.

Prof. Prepostera: FIVE times! There was that one that just never turned on. And then Jeral spilled coffee on it.

Chill: Oh, my bad. Still, we're kinda running out of WB$ for these extra projects... I haven't even been able to replace those old surveillance cameras.

Prof. Prepostera: Don't worry, this one works. I'm 82.3% sure of it.

Chill: Are those exact calculations?

Prof. Prepostera: Eh, give or take.

Prepostera activates the drone and Chill takes a step back, expecting another explosion. Sparks emit from it as it twitches around, before standing up and looking at Prepostera and Chill.

Prof. Prepostera: YES! I told you it would work!

Drone: Sup nerds.

Prof. Prepostera: Oh no...

Chill: Heh, I like him.

Prof. Prepostera: I am Professor Prepostera, and I would prefer if you didn't refer to me as "nerd".

Drone: Professor? I was right! You are a nerd!

Prof. Prepostera: Ugh... Maybe I should wipe the AI and start over...

Drone: Look prof, we both know that's not gonna happen, obviously your skills aren't up to snuff which is why I have so much wonderful personality!

Prof. Prepostera: Why you-

The drone blasts a clipboard out of Prepostera's flippers with a laser from its hand.

Drone: Also I have lasers.

Prof. Prepostera: I could use a little help over here...

Chill: Nah, this is entertaining.

Prof. Prepostera: Well, you haven't had a catastrophic system failure yet so I suppose we'll have to make do.

Drone: Oh good. I didn't really want to have to destroy you all.

Prof. Prepostera: I guess we should start by testing your weapons systems-

Drone: You mean like this?

The drone starts unleashing lasers all over Prepostera's lab, which go out of control and destroy several inventions, parts of the lab itself, and Prepostera's lunch.

Prof. Prepostera: STOP!

Drone: What's the matter? Am I doing too good?

A piece of the ceiling falls down next to the drone and almost crushes it.

Drone: Oops.

Prof. Prepostera: I'm... uh... thinking we should keep you in the HQ until I can rework the weapons systems...

Drone: Are you just using this as an excuse to hang out with me all the time? I mean, I don't blame if you do. I would too.

Prof. Prepostera: I suppose if we're going to keep you here, we're going to need some sort of identification for you. How about CIP-

Drone: Let me stop you right there. I don't go for the whole "letters and numbers" thing. It's depenguinizing.

Prof. Prepostera: But you're a robot...

Drone: Robots are people too!

Chill: How about Tyler?

Tyler: I suppose his is an acceptable identification. You may now call me Tyler.

Prof. Prepostera: I've got a bad feeling about this...

Evil Pengy: So... remind me why we didn't steal this BEFORE they unloaded all possible food sources?

Mailman X:

Parf: I'M GONNA DIE!

Sir Puffley: It is a good way to tell the time.

Radztur: I was ready to shove him off 2 days ago.

Warp: Wait, do my eyes deceive me, or is that-

Evil Pengy shoves Warp to the side, knocking him onto the floor of the boat.

Evil Pengy: LAND?!

Parf: I'M NOT GONNA DIE!

WATuDOIN: Let's go dudes!

Banana Beach, Chill Island

The boat abruptly crashes onto the beach, sending Chibi Pengu and Sir Puffley flying off and into the sand.

Sir Puffley: I SAY!

Chibi Pengu: Owie!

Evil Pengy: Perfect execution! I should steal boats more often!

The rest of the members get off the boat, a little shaken from the crash, except for Evil Pengy who is still convinced his skills are perfect.

???: Hey! You can't be here!

Evil Pengy: What?

The villains turn to see a penguin sitting in a beach chair and holding a glass of lemonade.

Scrubbypingu: This is my private beach because I said so!

Evil Pengy: I really don't care.

Scrubbypingu: You should care because I am right all the time because I said so!

Evil Pengy: You're starting to get on my nerves...

Scrubbypingu: According to my constitution, this is my private beach, which nobody else can use because I said so!

While Scrubbypingu blabbers on, Evil Pengy walks toward him, grabs him by his shirt and tosses him into the ocean.

Scrubbypingu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

SPLASH!

Evil Pengy: That felt good. Alright, let's get some food, I'm starving.

Evil Pengy: Alright WATuDOIN, you do your... whatever you do and score us some free lunch.

WATuDOIN: No problem dude!

WATuDOIN enters Mario's Fryz while the rest stay behind in the back.

Worker: Welcome to Mario's Fryz, may I take your order?

WATuDOIN: Sup dude, I'd like 9 burgers and 9 large fries.

Worker: Coming right up.

WATuDOIN creates a projection of some money while the worker gets his food.

Worker: Alright, that'll be 36 WB$.

WATuDOIN hands the worker the projected money and takes the food. After he leaves, the money suddenly disappears in the worker's flipper.

Worker: What the-!?

WATuDOIN returns to the rest of the villains.

WATuDOIN: I got foods, dudes!

As the villains eat lunch, they begin to go over their new plan.

Evil Pengy: So, I guess we might as well take over this island. Maybe we can use it as a base of operations for a second shot at Shops.

Radztur: I suppose I should help you guys out. I know this place.

Evil Pengy: Really?

Radztur: Yeah, this is Chill Island, personally led by my greatest nemesis. I saw it on a map in one of his malls one time.

WATuDOIN: Whoa, I think I know that dude too. Was doing a job for that polar bear Harbutt back in 2010, him and his friends kept getting in the way.

Radztur: Nice. How'd you defeat him?

WATuDOIN: Uhhh... Hey look a distraction!

WATuDOIN points behind Radztur and floats away with his balloon while he's not looking.

Radztur: I don't- oh.

Evil Pengy: Heh, I can't believe you fell for that.

Radztur: Hey look, a distraction.

Evil Pengy turns around.

Evil Pengy: There's noth- HEY!

Evil Pengy notices Warp chuckling and smacks his face into his burger.

Mailman X:

Radztur: Right. So, as far as I know this place might as well be a dictatorship. Get rid of Chill, we basically rule unopposed.

Chill casually watches Tyler chase Prepostera around the HQ with a broom.

Tyler: Let me clean you!

Prof. Prepostera: You're suppose to sweep the HQ, not me!

Tyler: There's dust in your hair from the explosions!

Tyler suddenly stops and puts the broom down.

Tyler: Look, if you're going to make me be a janitor I'm going to have some fun with this.

Chill gets bored and turns around to look at the monitors.

Chill: Uh, guys? You wanna come take a look at this?

Prepostera and Tyler walk over to the monitors.

Prof. Prepostera: Isn't that Radztur?

Chill: Yep, and it looks like he's got a bunch of other weirdos with him.

Tyler: OH NO! Not Radztur! ...Who's Radztur?

Radztur: Alright, this is Chill's house.

Evil Pengy: Drat! It's locked.

Sir Puffley: How shall we gain access?

Evil Pengy: How about we throw Chibi Pengu at it?

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: Can we do it anyway?

Chibi Pengu: How wude!

Parf: Maybe we can ask it nicely and it'll open! PARF!

Evil Pengy: I can't even begin to describe how stupid that idea is.

Radztur: You've been pretty quiet Notta, got any ideas?

Notta Secretagent: Oh, uh, I suppose we could use a laser.

Radztur: Not bad.

Notta Secretagent: If we had one...

Evil Pengy: Hey Warp, can you build a laser in like 5 minutes?

Warp: I don't even have any tools or parts, so no.

Count Candula: I believe you are all forgetting something.

Count Candula pulls another cursed candy out of his pocket.

Count Candula: It isn't floor candy this time.

Evil Pengy: Nah, I got a better idea.

Evil Pengy takes a few steps backwards and charges into the door, knocking it down but landing face first on the floor.

Count Candula: That works.

The rest of the villains enter Chill's house.

Radztur: Now we just have to find him.

While the villains look around the house, Parf picks up an Armo spaceship. He flies it around for a few seconds, making appropriate noises, before accidentally shooting a piece out of it at Evil Pengy.

Evil Pengy: OW!

Evil Pengy turns around and sees Parf holding the spaceship, smiling nervously.

Evil Pengy: PARF! We're not here to play with toys!

Evil Pengy smacks the spaceship out of Parf's flippers, knocking it to the ground and causing it to break into many pieces.

Chill: HEY! There's three rules, never mess with another man's woman, never mess with another man's money, and never, EVER mess with another man's Armo!

Tyler: Deep.

Prof. Prepostera: I'm not too sure about that.

Parf: I checked the closets, in the microwave, and under the rug! He's not here! PARF!

Evil Pengy: Warp, someday you gotta study how this guy's brain works.

Warp: That's not exactly my area of expertise.

Evil Pengy: Well it's not inventing, so I don't know what it is. Remember the Self-Peeling Orange?

Warp: That would've been a great idea if I didn't have to remove the entire orange to make it.

Radztur: I checked for secret rooms, there's nothing here. For all we know he's back on Shops organizing a Party Hat Party for his mall or something stupid like that.

WATuDOIN: Well, guess we should go on the news dudes!

John C. Beckson: NO! You're not going to use my studio for your broadcast, you menaces!

Radztur: Oh, I think we will.

Radztur pulls a laser gun out of his coat, which is quickly slapped out of his flipper by Beckson, shocking Radztur.

Mailman X:

Mailman X whacks Beckson with his mailbag, knocking him out. A few unknown items are heard breaking.

Mailman X:

The villains head into the studio and prepare to broadcast to the island.

Evil Pengy: That guy kind of freaks me out.

Warp: So Mwa Mwas, Mabel, and the newspaper guy. Got it.

Evil Pengy: Shut up Warp.

Radztur: Alright, Count Candula and WATuDOIN should have the screen set up outside by now, so we can start broadcasting.

Sir Puffley: Ready when you chaps are.

Evil Pengy: Aaaand... action!

Sir Puffley turns on the camera and starts broadcasting.

Evil Pengy: Attention residents of Chill Island. My name is Evil Pengy. I am your new leader.

Chapter 3: Under New Management
Chill: Alright, okay, this is fine, we can deal with this. We'll just... uh... send all the agents and charge them!

Prof. Prepostera: Are you crazy?

Chill: I'm not good under pressure, okay?!

Prepostera takes out his Spy Phone.

Prof. Prepostera: Attention all available agents, report to HQ immediately. This is an emergency.

Agents begin teleporting into the HQ. Tyler uses this to his advantage and slips out unnoticed.

The villains are taking a casual stroll around Chill Island.

Radztur: So what's the next step of your master plan?

Evil Pengy: Well, I figure we enjoy being in charge for a while before we have another go at Shops. Maybe force some people to give us free stuff.

Meanwhile, Tyler is watching from the roof of Wikibucks as they pass by.

Tyler: I have you now.

Tyler jumps down behind them. A loud thud is heard as he hits the ground, causing the villains to turn around.

Tyler: Hello there.

Radztur pulls another laser gun out of his coat.

Radztur: It's a good thing I always carry two guns.

Tyler blasts the gun out of Radztur's flipper, causing it to break into pieces which land on the ground behind him.

Radztur: Why does this always happen to me?!

Evil Pengy: Ah crackers. Well, uh, throw Chibi Pengu at it!

Without giving it a second thought, Parf picks up Chibi Pengu and tosses him at Tyler, who easily catches him and tosses him away.

Chibi Pengu: WAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Radztur: Anyone else have any brilliant ideas?

WATuDOIN: Nope, I'm out.

WATuDOIN disappears in a puff of smoke.

Mailman X:

Warp: You can't give a papercut to a robot!

Evil Pengy: RUN FOR IT!

The villains flee in different directions as Tyler begins blasting. In the confusion, Notta Secretagent escapes and slips between Wikibucks and Mario's Fryz. He pulls out an EPF Spy Phone and taps a few buttons.

???: Do you have him?

Notta Secretagent: He's here on Chill Island. No plans of escaping as far as I know.

???: Perfect, we'll be there shortly. Over and out.

Chill: And then once they have the scent of O-Berries on them, we'll get the wild puffles to chase them and round them up into a special cage, and we'll send them to the SIA! What do you think? ...You don't like it do you...

Prof. Prepostera: That's ridiculous.

Chill: I'm brainstorming over here! It's not supposed to make sense on purpose, it's supposed to make sense accidentally!

Agent: Whoa, check out what's going on out there.

Prof. Prepostera: What? Oh no...

Evil Pengy: Sure would be nice if we had some weapons right now!

Warp: Well how should I have known we'd get attacked by a crazy robot?

Radztur: Quick! In here!

The villains run into Chill World and hide in the clothing store.

Cashier: Uh, can I help you?

Evil Pengy: Yeah, leave us alone.

Parf: Ooh, this is a nice hat! PARF!

Evil Pengy: We're not here to shop, we're here to not die! Oh that's actually a pretty cool hat.

Tyler enters the mall and walks into the clothing store as the villains hide.

Tyler: Hey, have you seen a bunch of villains led by a fat dude in a black shirt?

Evil Pengy: I'M NOT FAT!

Tyler: Good job giving away your position.

Evil Pengy: Oops.

Warp throws a t-shirt at Tyler, briefly blocking his vision.

Warp: RUN!

Tyler: Hey, what the-

The villains flee through the mall. Tyler quickly recovers and gives chase.

Cashier: What a weird day.

Evil Pengy: Hey, Parf actually gave me a good idea. In here!

Evil Pengy runs into the toy store and the villains follow him.

Parf: Wow! I can't believe I had a good idea!

Evil Pengy: Don't get used to it, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Alright, grab anything that feels weapony and use it!

The villains pick up whatever they think would be useful, ripping open several packages and leaving it on the floor.

Radztur: Hey bolt-bucket! Come and get us!

Tyler: Have you accepted your inevitable destruction yet or are you just getting bored?

As Tyler enters the toy store, he is ambushed by Evil Pengy, armed with a toy keysaber.

Tyler: What's the big idea?!?

Warp: NOW!

Sir Puffley unleashes a fleet of remote control cars which bump into Tyler and knock him over.

Sir Puffley: I say, jolly good show indeed!

Count Candula finishes Tyler off with some water balloons, short-circuiting him.

Tyler: Noooooooooooooooo...

Mailman X:

WATuDOIN: You've gotta be kidding dude.

Evil Pengy picks up Mailman X and shoves him into his mailbag upside down.

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: Let's get out of this dump.

Chill: Oh, I don't think so.

Warp: Now might be a good time to use that bazooka...

Chill stands in front of a squadron of CIPF agents, blocking the exit.

Chill: Alright agents, arrest these bad guys!

Radztur digs into Mailman X's bag and pulls out the bazooka.

Radztur: The idiot in the party hat is mine! No one else touch him or you'll wish you never accepted that invitation!

Chill: Welp.

Chill flees as Radztur begins firing, destroying several hundred WB$ worth of merchandise.

Chill: My insurance rates are going to be through the roof after this...

Evil Pengy: Got anything else in that bag?

Mailman X:

Mailman X opens a package of seemingly normal chocolate chip cookies and throws them on the ground. After a few seconds they make a small explosion, which really doesn't do anything besides splatter chocolate on a few agents.

Evil Pengy: Drat!

WATuDOIN: Hey, uh, I know you're supposed to put in a two-week notice for this kinda thing, but I'm out. Peace.

WATuDOIN disappears off to an unknown location in a puff of smoke.

Evil Pengy: Coward!

Count Candula: Enough of these games.

Count Candula eats a candy and transforms into a werewolf. He attempts to attack a group of agents, but is quickly and unceremoniously neutralized by their riot batons.

Sir Puffley: I'd say we're in quite a sticky wicket, chaps.

Evil Pengy: Nah, I'm not doing this.

Evil Pengy grabs a grappling hook from the toy store and shoots out, getting pulled towards the exit and clobbering a few agents on the way.

Evil Pengy: FREEDOM!

Suddenly, the doors open and Evil Pengy is stopped by a squadron of EPF agents, lead by Notta Secretagent and an orange penguin with brown hair.

PSA: Evil Pengy, I'm PSA.

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: No... Notta Secretagent, you're a secret agent?!

Notta Secretagent: That's right. And you're coming with us.

Evil Pengy: I can't believe it. I thought if anyone was going to be a traitor it would be Puffley.

Sir Puffley: I resent that!

PSA: Alright, come on Pengy. We'll make sure you don't get out this time.

Evil Pengy: But I've only been out for a week...

The rest of the villains are taken into custody by the EPF. Meanwhile, Radztur and Chill's battle has moved into the storeroom.

Radztur: Why won't you just die already?!

Chill: I have death immunity, deal with it.

Radztur: Wha- er, nevermind. I won't let you distract me!

Radztur fires again and hits a box containing unsold Halloween decorations, splattering goo on himself and messing up the bazooka.

Radztur: Why do you have to sell that?

Chill: Hey, I didn't hear any complaining until someone blew it up.

Radztur angrily throws the bazooka on the ground and moves toward Chill, but slips in a puddle of fog machine fluid.

Radztur: Gah!

Chill: Well, looks like I win again.

Radztur: That's what you think. Just wait, I'll be back!

Radztur pulls a box from next to him and topples them in front of Chill, blocking his path. He quickly gets back up and flees.

Chill: How rude.

Epilogue: Cleanup
Warp pops his head out of a trash can in the toy store and looks around.

Warp: Alright, I think it's safe. Let's get out of here.

Parf pops out from a pile of puffle plushes and follows Warp out of the mall.

Parf: Oh boy, that was a close one! PARF!

Warp and Parf head towards Banana Beach to get the boat. When they arrive, they find Chibi Pengu lying in the sand.

Chibi Pengu: About twime.

Chibi Pengu gets up and follows Warp and Parf onto the boat.

CIPF Headquarters July 8th, 2013

Chill: Why are insurance companies so annoying? I've talked to seven different people and all I want to know is if I'm covered for supervillains with bazookas!

Prof. Prepostera: And... got it!

Tyler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm alive! Did I get them?

Prof. Prepostera: No, you got fried.

Tyler: Rats.

Chill: Hey Prepostera, wanna pretend to be me and talk to insurance guy number eight?

Prof. Prepostera: No.

Elite Penguin Force Jail

Sir Puffley: I say, this is a much more suitable arrangement than that dreadful SIA prison.

Evil Pengy: Meh. Jail's jail.

Mailman X:

Evil Pengy: Schemes take time. So no.

Count Candula: I do hope we can make our escape soon. I need to get back to my research.

Notta Secretagent walks past the cells and smiles as he passes by.

Evil Pengy: Just keep walking, traitor.

The End